I Hate Mum Just As Much As Myself

I sit and wonder
Why am I so afraid
Of my own mother
She hurt me so many years ago
I thought by now I would not be afraid to say No

But still I can not say NO to my mother
I am too afraid of getting hurt again
Too afraid to look down that lane
Where that sitting cane awaits

Waiting for it to feel my flesh
To open my skin
Leaving cuts and bruises upon my body

Her bite is way too far
Too far in
Makes me afraid

The memories I have of her
There is only one I like I must admit
When I was younger
Sitting at the table helping her
Trying to say long she did not hurt me
Not until she became cranky
Cranky with me

I will one day not be afraid
But right now
I still can not say NO
I give myself time
Soon I will be able to do anything I want to do

After I die I will be able to say NO
But who is it that will kill me
Will it be myself
Or will it be MUM