I Didn't Mean to Kill Him: Poem

I feel so numb
I get shewed on like a piece of gum
Thrown away like a left over crum
I just lay their feeling so dumb

I feel like shit instead of a treasure
While he gets all the pleasure
I screamed and cried
It feels like I just died

I try to fight
Does he Know that this is not right?
I feel the pain.
Is he that insane?

I'm laying here
There's nothing I could do
8 years passed and the same thing happens over and over.
I'm sick of this !

I don't know what to do. I aim the Knife
Telling him if he touched me this will be the end of his life
But he doesn't care
Kuz he knows that I won't dare.

So I close my eyes.
He's the one I mostly despise.
As he fights me
While my eyes closed I cannot see,

Still holding to the knife tightly
he holds me tightly
I push the knife toward him
I couldn't think
As I felt it sink
Right inside him.
I aimed it as a threat
But when I feel my hand wet
My eyes opened, as blood spill out from this rapist.

I scream
Oh god, let this be a dream
I shiver
And quiver

I get frightened
As he whispers, "I'm sorry."
My heart tightened
Then he says. "Leave don't worry"

I began to run and run
What have I done?
I just killed my own mothers son.
Without looking back
I keep running as if I'm being chased by a wolf pack
I fall as everything around me turn black.....

*This isn't just any rape it's rape from somebody close
A somebody I call my brother.
I didn't mean to kill him..

-Alexis POV