I am a Cat

People don’t understand me. They call me Kitty, Pussycat, Cat, and numerous other ridiculous names. People don’t seem to realize that I am, simply put, a cat! I am not the itty-bitty kitty, or the sweet little pussycat, or the big, fat cat, I am just a cat!

No, I don’t think it’s nice when you pick me up and curl up in a chair ready to "snuggle with your little cuddle buddy." I am not your cuddle buddy! That is what that stupid-looking, bad-smelling, ugly dog is for! If I want to be petted I will come to you, not the other way around! I also don’t want to chase the dumb little piece of cloth you tied to the end of the string; I like mice, not cloth!

Do you really expect me to stay off the furniture? I mean do YOU want ME to sit on the FLOOR while YOU get the comfortable COUCH?!? Come on, that is so not cool! No, I will not lie on the floor; I will be on the back of the couch! If you do not like it, then you are welcome to sit on the floor!

Another thing, when I come up to you in the middle of night, purring and kneading my claws, that does NOT mean "chase me off the bed and go back to sleep!!" That means, I want attention now, and I will receive attention NOW! I am sorry to be disturbing your sleep (and you know I am not actually sorry) but you shouldn’t have me if you can’t adjust your schedule to me.

Oh, by the way, I need my food dish full at all times. This does not mean, one inch from the top that is simply not acceptable. This means, full, like 1 inch over the top full, at all times. If at any time during the day, I come to you meowing, then you are to check my food dish and my water IMMEDIATELY, and if they are good, put me outside. My water dish should stay fairly full as well; I am a cat, not a toilet-drinking-from-dog! And yes, I do need to go outside, even if I have a litter box. The litter box does not provide birds and mice to chase and catch, or sun to snooze in, or grass to chew on.

The litter box is yet another issue. If you insist on me having a litter box I will use it, but I, in turn, insist that it remains clean. That means I use it, you clean it, got it? Ok, good!
So, you see, I am a cat, just a cat. I am not your cuddle buddy, or the cloth-on-end-of-string chaser. I will not stay off the furniture, or out of your bed in the middle of the night. I need my food full, my water filled, and the door open when I want it. This is simply the way I need to have my life; this is what I do, and what I don’t do. This is me, and I am a cat!