How to Prank Your Friends and Enemies

Among the most important things that a college student learns is how to prank your friends and your enemies, in a socially acceptable manner. As I wrap up my college experience (8 years, but who’s counting), I feel that it is important to pass on some important lessons to newer students. In the dorm setting, and later, in the college apartment/party house, it is important to know the dos and don’ts of prank warfare. If performed correctly, pranks will bring people closer together and smooth over relational rough patches.

Any college student should have an arsenal of pranks ready to be deployed at a moment's notice. Opportunity comes and goes quickly; it waits for no man or woman. Here is a sampling of pranks that I have found useful:

1. The face smash: Place a small coffee table over the head of your heavy sleeping mark’s bed, while he/she is asleep, make a loud noise, then watch your mark pop up face-first into the table.

2. Squirting toilet: Disassemble the water hose in the tank of the toilet, place carefully pointing out toward your mark; he/she will be sprayed upon flushing.

3. Bouillon cube in the shower head: Make your friends smell savory. Note: Do not use this one on a shared shower that you use.

4. It’s Tuesday!: When a friend takes a mid-afternoon nap, preferably during finals week, set all the clock’s dates in the dorm room / house / apartment a day ahead. Change your clothes, and pretend 26 hours have passed since your mark had fallen asleep. The more people in on this, the better. Watch as the mark frantically calls/emails his profs, apologizing and begging for a deadline extension for papers not yet due. Note: This is my personal favorite.

When pranking, it is important to understand your relationship with the mark, and how it will likely be affected by the prank. For instance, the face smash technique asserts dominance, while "it’s Tuesday" is more likely to build comradery among your friend group. Remember, pranks should not be mean spirited, unless you are looking for a unique way to end a relationship; use your social intelligence to determine if a prank is or is not a good idea.

Hopefully, this article has informed you on the basics of how to prank. Always be creative, the Internet is a great resource, use it.

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