How to Overcome Jealousy

"I didn't mean to hurt you,
I'm sorry that I made you cry,
I didn't want to hurt you,
I'm just a jealous guy.."

~ John Lennon

Why is jealousy so dangerous when you're jealous of someone close to you than some absolute stranger? I think you know the answer even before I tell you. Because these people are close to you. It may sound unbelievable but people are jealous of their friends and even the person they are having a relationship with. Why? For a variety of reasons. The main reason is obviously that the person they are jealous of seems to have some quality or resource which the jealous person apparently doesn't. And jealousy can sour the best of relations. So if you're jealous of Bill Gates, because he's so rich, forget it. Everyone is! But if you are jealous of someone close to you, there is an urgent need for you to control it.

Why so Jealous?

There are two basic reasons which breed jealousy. The first is because the other person seems to have something you don't. Often, these desired but lacking things are money, love, opportunity, luck etc. The other cause of jealousy is because of insecurity. Some people always have a feeling of being inferior to others. Whether or not they actually ARE inferior is a different matter altogether, but they certainly feel so. Now these two main factors which cause jealousy are not always mutually exclusive, but more often than not, work in tandem to create a sense of jealousy in a person.

An oft asked question is whether men are more jealous than women. It's hard to say. I, being a man, feel that men are more jealous of their peers, friends and girlfriends who seem to have a better deal than themselves. It's a moot point who's more jealous, really. The main point is that jealousy may ruin an otherwise good relationship and hence, it is important that you curb or suppress feelings of jealousy to make sure that no cracks appear in your relationship.

Curbing Jealousy

So, overcome jealousy you must. Not because it will ruin a relationship, but it may be a bit of a problem with you. People who are really jealous are not so of one person alone, but they happen to be jealous of a lot of other people as well. So this exercise might help you save not just one relationship.

• Understand the Cause: Why are you jealous of a person? What is that thing about the other person that makes you envy them? You first need to find the answer to this question. The next question you have to ask yourself is whether it is possible for you to get what they have? And how? And then work on actively reducing your jealousy. And if you can't, it's an unfair comparison and you have to learn to let it go.
• Work on Self-Confidence: The next, very important thing to do is to work on improving your own self-confidence. To improve this end you could try acquiring new skills which will make you feel that you are a cut above the rest. This will help improve your self-confidence and help you feel less jealous.
• Talk to Your Friends: Men would scorn at the very thought of discussing the fact that they are jealous of someone or show any other sign which would display their lack of self-confidence. But doing this is very important. Talking to your friends might bring out a different, positive aspect of you that you didn't know about, or previously overlooked. Maybe discussing your jealousies might bring out some of your qualities that others may feel envious of.
• Appreciate Your Positives: Learn to appreciate the better things about yourself. Why only look at and feel resentful about the things you lack? Instead, you could take a positive approach and think about all the things that you do have and the things that people love you for. Understand the importance of those and move on.
• Stay One Step Ahead: Analyze your jealousy and understand that it is not good for you. Stay one step ahead of jealousy and use it positively. How? When you feel jealous of someone try to understand what is it that they have and you don't. Then see if you too can acquire the same and improve yourself. Thus jealousy need not always be bad. It could be a medium of self-introspection and self-improvement.

If all these tips don't help you get over it, then just keep in mind that bearing resentment about someone else will only ruin your relationship with someone you really like.