How to Gain Self-Esteem

For the longest time, for reasons that I see clearly in retrospect, I found little in myself to be happy about. Although a happy child, adolescence brought with it a Pandora's box of insecurity, compounded and multiplied many times over with an unfortunate relationship that hindered far more than it helped. The teenage years, are fraught with many things, and formative as they are, play a great role in creating a perception of self-worth - these are the years during which you go through more changes than you can honestly keep track of, grapple with more emotions than normal, and that lay a foundation for the adult that you're about to become. Many times, those who make a few misinformed choices in the exuberant buoyancy of youth, myself included, pay the price in lowered self-confidence, image issues, and a sense of insecurity that takes a concerted and consistent effort to overcome. Learning how to gain self-esteem is an invaluable life lesson, one that is more important than you may realize, because it's only when you love yourself, that you're able to live a happy life, well-equipped to handle the lemons that it may throw you.

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It may be hard for those who are confident, to understand the problems that someone with low confidence faces. How difficult can it be to like yourself, right? Wrong. Low confidence, doesn't build up overnight - it creeps up on you slowly and stealthily, through a series of events or people, that put you down, over and over, until, there are cracks that flourish and poke gaping holes into a hitherto strong armor. Self belief and confidence go hand in hand, so when the belief crumbles, so does everything that depends on it - in comes the insecurity, the timidity, the uncertainty, and with it self-esteem issues that underline the lack of self worth. Gaining self-esteem becomes all the more important as you grow up - with age, come complex relationships, professional relationships and duties that lack of confidence can seriously harm. These are some simple steps that can help you gain back your self-esteem.

Enlist Your Good Points
We all have flaws. But in a fitting balance, and a saving grace, we've all got strong points too. For many who lack spunk, these strengths bury themselves within, lost to the world and hidden from everyone - but nobody knows these better than yourself. Strengths can be anything - it can be something you find easy, that others find hard, it could be strength of character, it could be a natural talent to sing, draw, write, create, cook, look, love or befriend. It can be your ability to be loyal, it could be tenacity, perseverance, diligence or dexterity. Figure it out, think about it, take my word for it, it exists. Isolate your strengths, write them down, preferably in notes that you can put into every pocket of every article of clothing, or somewhere where you come into contact with them every now and then, and most importantly, rejoice in them. It's you that's a marvelous friend, a fabulous cook, a dab hand at sketching, it's you who's good at something, anything. Take that back from this confidence-building exercise, practice it daily, and you'll find yourself gaining self-esteem slowly, but surely.

Make a Stand
Many of us who suffer from self-esteem issues can trace the cause back to troubled relationships. If you're in a relationship that makes you feel anything other than good about yourself, for any length of time, understand that this could be one of the root causes of the problem. With lack of self-confidence comes anxiety and docility, mixed with an unhealthy dose of fear - but it's very often accompanied by a partner who feeds on the insecurity instead of negating it. When your significant other has only hurtful things to say, get out before you begin to believe it. If you believe it already, get out anyway. It's hard, it's tough and even tougher if you are, like you very well may be, in a dependent relationship - you may even believe, like he/she tells you that you'll never find anybody else. But it's better to be single and content, than in a relationship and miserable - take a poll if you don't believe me. An important step to boost self-esteem is to get out of relationships that drag you under and undermine your worth.

Become the Source
Somebody very wise once taught me a lesson that stands me in good stead many years on, and this is important, so pay attention. You must learn to become the source of your own happiness. When you depend not on others but yourself for happiness, you become infinitely stronger, and less likely to falter. It may sound cold, it may sound lonely, but it's not - it's liberating. You need not practice it to the exclusion of all else, as long as you know the score. You need to love yourself before you can love others, selfish though it may sound. Spend time with yourself, get to know what makes you happy, what makes you sad, untempered by external sources. Listen to the music that speaks to your soul, watch the movies that make you laugh, read the books that stay with you after you've turned the last page - figure yourself out. Gaining self-confidence and esteem in the process, is just a bonus.

Learning how to gain self-esteem is simply put, one of the most empowering experiences that you can encounter. Trust yourself, and remember to rely on your strengths. As you emerge from the chrysalis that is a bruised and battered sense of self, take to the sky with belief, that you are unique. Learn to love, and you learn to live.