How to End Relationship with a Narcissist

I am currently doing brain research in the university in my home country in the field of behavioral sciences and neuroscience. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, please excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. The aim of this article is to introduce the biological basis of the painful emotions related to having a narcissistic spouse. A relationship with a narcissist can be compared to a drug addiction. In the beginning a narcissist makes us feel we are special, unique targets of the unconditional love of a narcissist. During this wonderful, dreamlike phase our brain is releasing endorphins, biochemical compounds which are responsible for the feelings of euphoria and pleasure. As a result of this, the structure of the neuronal networks in our brain slowly changes in such a way that we must have our "drug" (in this case the love of our narcissistic partner) available to us at all times.

This is what happens in all relationships. During first 1-2 years our brain is adjusting to the new situation by reshaping the neuronal networks. As a result of this reshaping, the feelings of love and caring are literally being integrated deep into our mind. This kind of a reshaping only happens if we are truly in love with our partner, in other words we have those "butterflies in stomach" when we think about the target of our love. If we do not have such a strong feeling towards our partner, the structure of the neuronal networks in our brain will not be altered so dramatically.

In case of a narcissist, it is very common that he or she can be so charming in the beginning of the relationship that it is very likely that we fall very strongly in love with a narcissist. Consequently, strong reshaping of the neuronal networks in our brain will occur. We will soon become like drug addicts: We must have our "drug" (the love of our narcissistic partner) available to us at all times.

If a drug addict no longer has an access to the drug, he or she will experience the withdrawal symptoms. If the access to the drug is denied abruptly, the withdrawal symptoms are the strongest. Same thing happens in a relationship with a narcissist. When the idealization phase is over, a narcissist can turn very cold and uncaring almost over night. If this happens, it will cause a serious conflict in our mind. We can no longer fool ourselves and think that our narcissistic spouse loves us, because his or her behavior is now indicating the exact opposite. We are suddenly deprived of our "drug" and as a result of this we experience horrible withdrawal symptoms in a form of anxiety, depression, mental and sometimes even physical pain.

During this kind of a mental crisis we are desperately trying to hold on to our relationship with a narcissist, because being without the "drug" is so unpleasant. If a narcissist gives us even the smallest hint that he or she might still love us, it is like getting a single dose of a drug after a long deprivation. For a short moment the feelings of anxiety and depression disappear, but later they return stronger than before.

Only thing that will help in the process of getting mentally rid of a narcissist is absolutely no contact. Reading as much as you can about narcissism and experiences of others who have been through what you are now going through will also help. The knowledge is power. This is the basic principle in psychotheraphy. Understanding the reasons which are causing your negative feelings makes it easier for you to control your emotions. The more you know about your "enemy" (in this case the mental addiction to a narcissist), the better you can fight it.

For more information about these topics and to get advice and support for your situation, visit website Cheating Infidelity Narcissism Support (you find link below). There you find information about narcissism, narcissists and how to free yourself from the mental hooks a narcissist has embedded into your brain.

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