How to be a Gentleman

Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad.
- George Bernard Shaw

Being a gentleman is, by no means, merely pinned onto how much you are rolling in the stuff (money), or how educated you are, or that you wear tweeds and smoke pipes. It, certainly, comes from no things material; though, some things material can be of assistance to the gentleman to show how thoroughly he is made up of the stuff that most women die for and most so-called men lie for. Suave garb, slicked hair, a fat sum on your bank account, your posh mansion and latest technological gadgets would be immaterial if you opened your mouth to burp at the table and grinned childishly about it, cut in a line or a conversation of which you got not even the ghost's breath of a gist, shouted- 'Watch where you're bloody going!' if a stranger accidentally bumped into you, chose to give out all the lengthily elaborate and juicy details of the football match you watched last Friday night to less fascinated ears, joined others if they were teasing someone and not in a jocular way.

If you are already put off by this, then you needn't read the article any further. If you aren't so put off, it doesn't necessarily mean you aren't a gentleman; it's just that you've probably forgotten how to be more genteel and conduct yourself with a bit more decorum. Being a gentleman comes not from things external, but from sincere kindness and a distinct presence of mind. A perfect gentleman is a peacock in nothing except his genuine and endearing manner of honest, gracious expression and humble integrity.

There is no outward sign of courtesy that does not rest on a deep, moral foundation. - Goethe

A gentleman knows the difference between being domineeringly authoritative and being firm with what he believes. And if what he believes hurts another, he has the ability of understanding so that he can let go without bitterness. He knows how to apologize with dignity intact. There are several qualities of a gentleman that are endearing to anyone in his presence. Women love a man who is masculine, but not without sensitivity and chivalry. And, I suppose, you know that too.

How to be a Gentleman on a Date

A gentleman always calls the woman prior to the time that has been set for their meeting to ascertain of her coming, and when and where it would be suitable for her to be picked up from.

Dressing
He is never slovenly dressed and always makes sure he has had a refreshing bath before he leaves to go out. He makes sure to be dressed well and tidily. His socks always match his pants, or at least their color is close to the shade of the pants. He would never match his socks with his shirt, tie or pocket-handkerchief. He never wears a black tie before dark and he never wears sunglasses after light. A gentleman prefers wearing cologne or mellow, unobtrusive perfumes. He prefers not wearing perfume at all rather than wearing cheap perfume that might suffocate people along his way.

Gifting
He knows thoroughly well what to gift his date and doesn't fumble around awkwardly in his mind in pursuit of ideas for creative gifts for the woman he is about to meet. If he hasn't had the time to think about an extravagant gift or is meeting his date for the first time, he picks up flowers along the way in a garden dreamily if the woman is of a feisty nature; whilst if he and his date are perfectionists and overly reasonable - the most frightful of women and the dullest of men (don't mean to discourage you), it is best to buy her a bouquet of flowers. A music CD of Antonio Vivaldi, Johann Sebastian Bach or the more recent Andreas Vollenweider shows a refinement of his aesthetic sense. Though he never does something without ingenuity, only to be superficial and get a pat on the back for something that isn't his own.

Timing
One of the ways of a gentleman is to always be on time. If he has to pick up his date, he doesn't honk his car in impatience outside her door, but gets out to greet her. He greets her with a soft kiss on her cheek and doesn't shy away from complimenting her about the way she looks. A gentleman takes care to notice all the fine details and women like being complimented for these as they do take a little effort to come out looking to that effect.

At the Restaurant
A gentleman doesn't barge in first and always holds open the door for a woman. He will be the one to pull out the chair for the woman to sit. When they're at a restaurant, the gentleman is perfectly well aware of etiquette and always likes to first ask what his date would like to have. If she has difficulty choosing something, and if he has been to the restaurant before, he suggests a dish he has eaten and liked. Once the order is placed, he will always only raise his hand slightly and with a gentle wave: a quiet, polite gesture to the waiter if the waiter isn't within earshot; seldom does he ever call out too loud. His table manners and etiquette are always impeccable. He eats calmly and enjoys every moment, taking in everything with refined awareness.

Behaving
Whether a gentleman is in a restaurant or anywhere else on a date, he will never speak boastfully and haughtily about his work or any other proud achievements and shoot off half-cocked when the woman has something to say. He listens with attentive eyes and a keen ear.

Being a gentleman, without ignoring your date, if you see your loud and boisterous friends? If a gentleman sees his friends suddenly, he simply waves at them if they are far away. If they come up to him and talk, he politely introduces them to his date. He'd never dream of wanting to have them around for too long if his date is uncomfortable in any way, and if it proves to be otherwise he will always ask her if it is okay to chat with them for a bit. If she doesn't mind he invites them for a short while, making sure he includes his date in all their conversations and ascertains that they leave early and that he has enough time to spend with her alone. He never answers his mobile phone on a date, unless it's an emergency. A gentleman is sympathetic. He would never say things that are distasteful. He may joke about something, but in a mildly witty and eloquent manner.

Drinking
Becoming a gentleman when you drink? I think, this happens with a very few men that they still maintain their dignified collected selves after they drink a bit. A gentleman wouldn't be halfway at sea, especially on his first date. He always sees to it that his date is safely escorted back home and does so himself.

. . . the difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she's treated. - George Bernard Shaw (Pygmalion)

I suppose, you now have at least a vague idea on becoming a gentleman whilst on a date and what the characteristics of a gentleman are. The ways to being a gentleman are quite simple. A true gentleman realizes that genuine, good manners are not an accomplishment, but are the result of a very deeply embedded, refined sensitivity toward the delicacy of surroundings and people. They are, then, no more a duty. And when things are done from the heart and not too much from the head, even the seemingly impossible becomes possible.