How Technology Killed Christmas

Call me old fashioned, but I think electronic greeting cards suck – especially at Christmas. This realization was brought home to me when I went shopping for Christmas cards this morning. Two years ago, my wife would have carefully prepared a list of fifty-plus friends who deserved cards – and even some who did not, but whom we were obligated to send cards to because they sent us one. I would happily spend an entire morning in the card shop, carefully matching each card to the personality of the recipient. This morning, my list had dwindled down to a mere eight. I was in and out of the shop in fifteen minutes flat. Why had my list dwindled so dramatically? Because most of the cards we send out these days are those pre-packaged electronic ones. Ditto for the cards we receive. My wife cannot understand why I’m complaining. After all, I’m the poor schmuck who had to write out the envelopes, lick dozens of stamps; and go out to post them.

True enough: electronic cards are more convenient, easier to choose and send, blah-blah. They are a godsend to people on the go; and those who are just plain lazy. I know folks who pick out one card, type in multiple email addresses and voila! At the click of a mouse, they have done their duty towards fifty of their friends. But that’s just it. Sending out Christmas cards should not be a duty; it should be a labor of love. Besides, what about the bragging rights you acquire, when friends go ooh and aah over the impressive collection of cards you’ve displayed on your grand piano, when they come to visit? Abby and I go abroad very often; and so we got real cards from friends we made in the US, Canada and Europe. They were lovely and, since few of my friends could boast of such an international collection, they really sent my stock soaring. Now, most of them send electronic cards. You cannot plonk a guest down in front of your computer monitor and scroll though one card at a time. It just isn’t the same.

And it’s not just about Christmas cards. Remember those days before Noel, when you used to rummage through your stashed-away, Christmas long playing records – Bing Crosby and Andy Williams and Perry Como – and give them a good dust up, prior to putting them on the turntable? There was a wonderful feeling of anticipation leading up to it, as you hummed "let it snow", which somehow made the drudgery of shoveling snow off the driveway seem not so bad. Then there was the pleasure of selecting just the right songs to play on the big day itself – Bing Crosby’s White Christmas was obligatory, of course. Nowadays, with the advent of internet radio, one can listen to Christmas music 24x7, almost throughout the year. It takes the uniqueness and sentimentally out of it – and most of the fun as well.

It’s the same with Christmas carols. You see very few carolers going round the neighborhood any more. They are all at home, watching the Beyonce Christmas Special – or some such heresy - on television. The day may not be far off, when they even take away the joy of decorating and lighting up the family Christmas tree. You’ll probably be able to buy a fully decorated and lit up hologram of a tree that you can project in a corner of your living room.

And don’t get me started on what today’s kids ask Santa to bring them – that is, assuming there are kids around who still believe in Santa Claus. Video games with characters way scarier than the bogey man we used to frighten our children with. Little girls want an light-emitting contraption called Dance maker, which promises to "teach you to dance like a pro with 12 dance sequences and three skill levels." A seven year-old professional dancer? Give me a break.

Thankfully, the one aspect of Christmas technology has not got its tenacious tentacles into is the traditional turkey dinner, with stuffing and cranberry sauce and all the trimmings. They probably have a pill which has all the nutrients of a stuffed turkey, but somehow I don’t think it will catch on.

My last word on this whole technological revolution would be, "Bah! Humbug!"