How Long is Forever? Part 1/3 of Chapter 12

I stared at the pitch black ceiling, Noel's request still playing in my thoughts. He wanted me to pay attention to my choices, and so I would try. I will, for him, anyway. It was 12:13 and I couldn't sleep, I looked over to my window, slowly uncovering myself from underneath my comforters, my feet digging into the thick, fluffy carpet with each step I took closer to my window. I pushed the curtains a little bit to one side so I could peer at the panels. Months ago, they were dead. Lifeless. But now, here it was, vivid in teal. I smiled as I stared down at it, even if the night and the moon made everything seem blue, I could still see the panels a different color from what it was last time. I reached for that chain on my wrist, running my fingers over the cold, silver chain, jingling against the silence of the night. I went over to my desk and turned the lamp on. I sat down and opened the drawer, finding the tiny capsule of honey that Noel had given me that day sitting there, alone and tiny. Then, I reached for the bottom drawer and pulled out the pliers, don't even ask what pliers were doing in the drawers owned by a girl like me. After I slipped the charm bracelet off my wrist, I took the pliers and bended one of the metal rings in the bracelet, opening it just wide enough for the hole of the tiny capsule to fit through. I hooked the hole from the bottle onto the charm bracelet before taking the pliers and bending it back to a close. After putting the pliers back into the bottom drawer, I eagerly slipped the bracelet back on.

"See Noel, I did find something to do with it." I grinned, twisting my right wrist gently, the bracelet jingling before my eyes as the lacrosse stick, the letters, and now the tiny bottle of honey swayed left to right in one accord. And when they didn't, it clanked against each other, making, of course, a clanking noise. The translucent bottle shined behind the light as I held it up to my lamp. It was beautiful.

After switching the light off, I climbed back to bed. And there I laid, a white streak piercing the ceiling from the crack of my curtains. I ran my hands down until I felt the chain on my wrist, my hand searching for that glass-like surface. I took the bottle in my hand, running my fingers along its smooth surface, tracing the outlines of the bottle as I felt a smile form in my face. With that, I slowly closed my eyes, still feeling the bottle fit snug into my palm.

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I came back from the arts center and picked up Serena, and gosh, it was hot that it was making me feel uneasy and slightly cranky, even. I walked in to find my mother hunched over some papers again in the dining room, hard at work.

"Mom! Mom! Mom! look at this! I made something for you in sculpting class today!" Serena ran up to her, sculpture in hand. My Mom didn't seem to notice this as she kept her eyes on the papers she was looking through.

"Mom...Mom..." Serena pleaded softly, nudging her gently on the shoulders.

"Serena, don't you see? Mommy's busy. Now go run and play." She didn't budge.

"But it's my most recent-"

"Serena, what did I say? This wedding is in two weeks, I can't afford to get distracted." With that, she peeled the glasses off her face, looking Serena sternly in the eye. Serena stared back before quickly shuffling up the stairs. Suddenly, I heard a crash. My mother sighed, running a hand through her tired face. I quickly ran to where I heard the sound come from. I slowed to a stop as I found broken shards of Serena's latest model, scattered all over the doorway next to the stairs, she must've hurled it down from the top of the stairs. Slowly, I bent over to pick up most of the pieces that were once a Rhododendron 'Ring of Fire', Mom's favorite flower. I had told Serena this while she asked me for ideas of what she should make for Mom. I walked back into the dining room, the shards in my arms as I breathed deeply, my face getting hot. I stood in front of the table, staring at Mom as she looked down upon her work. Startling her, I dropped the shards of broken clay on the table with a 'clank.' I pulled a seat in front of her, still breathing loudly, trying to contain anything that could've snapped out of me.

"Discard the pieces Destiney, I don't want it making a mess in here." She said, practically in monotone as she eyed her papers.

"Rhododendron 'Ring of Fire'." I said, my voice breaking slightly.

"What was that honey?" She looked up suddenly.

"That...was what it used to be before Serena dropped it, on purpose."

"Honey, get to the point, the clock is ticking."

"She made this for you Mom. FOR YOU. And you couldn't even acknowledge it just a bit. Serena...you don't see it, but she's got talent, you better open your eyes now Mom or it'll be too late someday." I breathed through blurry eyes.

"What are you talking about Des? I see Serena and her every potential. I see things just fine."

"What is it then? What is her greatest potential? Do you know?" I asked, my voice dying down to a whisper.

"I know that she is too smart for her age, just like you when you were little, it's great honey, but sometimes it can cause trouble."

"Trouble? ....What kind of trouble do you think her talent is causing?" I asked, my knuckles turning white as I clenched my fists. "If you didn't know Mom, she won an award today. This..." I lifted a broken shard so it was in level with her gaze. "...won an award today. It's sad to see her own inspiration becoming the one to cause her to ruin her creations, even crushing her dreams. Recognize it now Mom, OPEN YOUR EYES. Not to the flowers, not to the setting, not to your clients, not to these papers, you've got enough of your attention on them."

"That is not appropriate, young lady, your tone is not acceptable. I am your Mother!" She said firmly, taking her glasses off yet again. "You will not talk down to me, you understand? From now on, you will stop going to the arts center, it's polluting your mind, you call that art?"

"Yes, it is, but you know nothing about it, maybe you would if you would just listen to her once, just think Mom, why is she as smart, as independent as she is? Does she have a Mother who baby's her all the time? Or does she have a Mother who is gone always? So she's forced to carry herself, to think for herself, maybe that's why she's so mature. You did this to her Mom, she's only 6 but you know it." I watched her chest heave up and down with each sentence that escaped my quivering lips.

I thought about what Noel said to me about choices. C'mon you came this far, Destiney, don't stop now.

"And no. I will not. I don't want to, and you can't make me stop going to the arts center, it's the only thing that lets us remain sane from the sight of you sometimes, no matter how much we love you." I said firmly, a wave of relief washing over me as I let these words out. "You can't take this away from me, and Serena." I didn't know what came over me to speak like this, I wasn't usually like this. Mom was startled by this but no words were spoken from her lips.

"....Listen to yourself Ma..I mean honestly, you don't deserve her artwork, and her artwork does not deserve being dedicated to you, only to find it in pieces, because you turned her away. You don't deserve any of this, or any of us." My voice became soft, then stern as I pushed my chair back and got up. "Open your eyes. Open your eyes now or you never will." I looked back at her before disappearing into the hallway.