How I Wish You Would Understand

Eye make up running down my face.
Love long gone without a trace.
Worrying but there's not enough time.
Kissing you softly, pretending your mine.
Tears that don't ever seem to dry.
The only word in my head is why.
Words coming out that don't make sense.
Always feeling uncomfortable and tense.
Walk and fall down, then get up for more.
Go back again to even the score.
Traveling in circles again and again.
Not really knowing where I'm going or will end.
The words in your mouth is breaking my heart.
What do I do now that we're fallen apart?
It's the same old routine day after day.
Holding back the things that I wish I could say.
Smiling when all I really feel is pain.
Wishing it was sunny when all I feel is rain.
Kissing the lips that never felt.
Hearing the voice that makes me melt.
Pretending to be someone that isn't really me.
wondering if this is the person I'll always be.
Missing the person I once used to be.
Trying to find myself and be able to be bold.
Being promised everything and getting none.
Trying to find the right place under the sun.
Making one little mistake and losing it all.
Wondering who's going to take the fall.
Feelings hidden deep within my soul.
Snatch them all and leave a hole.
Missing the days when I was young.
Wishing I didn't have to bite my tongue.
Holding the hand that fits perfect with mine.
Wishing you would give us one more try.
Feeling the fire but walking away.
All the while praying that you will stay.
Searching for my strength because it's always so weak.
Wanting to find my voice so I can try to speak.
Lie in bed and sleep alone.
Arguing all the time on the phone.
Bittersweet memories that keep flooding back.
Wishing I could finally get on the right track.
Sinking down because I can't find my feet.
Sometimes just wishing my heart would lose its beat.
Wanting to be able to spread my wings and fly.
But all I can do is sit here and cry.
Feeling the strength of letting go.
Giving in and having nothing to show.
Finding the truth but hoping it's a lie.
Never actually wanting to say goodbye.
Giving him everything but he still wants more.
Walk into another locked door.
Wish upon a shooting star.
Maybe I'll find out who you are.
Lock his laughter in my head.
Sit back and realize the love is dead.
Feel the guilt of speaking up.
Drinking out of another wrong cup.
Being punished for the things in the pass I have done.
Looking up and seeing you.
Undying devotion is all I have to send.
But who receives it when I reach the end?
Grabbing the rope but it breaks free.
Dropping you where you're not supposed to be.
The isolation of feeling I don't belong.
Always being the one who's wrong.
Knowing that he wants to do better than me.
In my heart he's all I see.
Missing the way he use to talk to me with respect.
Breaking down but trying to understand.
But this is what love is like to be me.
And if you lived my life then I guess you'd see.