How I Died - Lucy
Lucy's heard voices in her head ever since her sister, Monica, died, eighteen months ago. But, she hates it. So, in order to get rid of them, Lucy jumps of a cliff. She survives, but will she try suicide again? Or can Ben, her boyfriend, convince her out of it in time?
"Lucy! Don’t do this!" You yell. "Please Lucy, please!"
"Why not?" I ask. "God, Ben. You sound just like them. Always telling me what to do. It’s my life; I can do what I want with it." To prove my point I step closer to the cliff’s edge.
"Look, all I want to do is escape. Escape from my head. It’s all too much, the death, the fear, the voices. I’m so scared, Ben. I’m always so scared. To you, that scariest place is probably a battleground, right? Well, to me, the scariest place is my head. I can’t control anything there! Whatever they say, I can’t stop it."
"But, Lucy, we can help you; we can make them go away. Just, please, come away from the edge." You plead. But I’m not having any of it.
"Ben, why do you think I read? Or write, or live in a fantasy world? Huh, why? Because they’re all my escape. They’re the reason I can go through every day. I get so absorbed in a book, or when I’m writing that I live the characters life instead of mine. It quiets them Ben, makes them concentrate on what I’m doing. It’s my haven. But I come back, I always come back. But this time, I won’t. I’ll end it all. I’ll be happy. Goodbye, Ben. I love you." I cry, before I jump. I hear you scream my name, see you run towards me, but by then it’s too late, I’m already falling. I close my eyes against the wind, and enjoy my last moments.
I think about how soon, so soon, I’ll be joining my sister. All my pain will end, and I’ll be eternally happy. And, as I think about that, I smile, for the first time in eighteen months. Suddenly, there’s pain everywhere. The wind has stopped, and there’s something hard underneath me. I can’t be dead, I think. Death shouldn’t hurt. So I waited for my pain to end, for death to take me away. But then I hear sirens, and cars, and doors slamming. People talking, asking questions, you sobbing. Then people touching me, lifting me up. People asking me if I can hear them, if I’m alright. But I ignore them, and try my hardest to sleep. I hear your voice, and I remember your face before I jumped. No, I wasn’t dead. When you’re dead, you don’t feel guilt for committing suicide. I think about you, but I fall unconscious before long.
*************************
The next think I know, I’m in a hospital. My eyes are shut, but I can still tell by the quietness of it all, the hushed voices, the muffled sound. Next I smell disinfectant, soap and drugs. Now I feel the crackly hospital bed beneath my aching body, the needles they’ve jabbed in me, and pain everywhere. I open my eyes, and I see you. I see your tousled hair, your baggy, red eyes and your crumpled, dirty cloths. I guess that you haven’t been home since I jumped. You sigh.
"Thought you were never gonna wake up." You say your voice broken and raw. "Thought you’d left me for good. You do know I would’ve followed you if you succeeded." You look straight into my eyes, and I know you’re not joking.
"No!" I rasp my voice as raw as yours. "You’ve still got things to live for. I don’t. That’s why I did it."
"I don’t care." You say. "I love you, Lucy. I’m not gonna leave you, even in death." A nurse walks in.
"Good, you’re awake." He says. "How are you feeling, Miss Woods?"
"I’m okay. How long have I been here?" I ask
"Four days. You had quite a fall." You whisper, looking down.
"But, don’t worry. You’ll be out in no time." The nurse says. He checks a screen to my right, then leaves.
"Why not?" I ask. "God, Ben. You sound just like them. Always telling me what to do. It’s my life; I can do what I want with it." To prove my point I step closer to the cliff’s edge.
"Look, all I want to do is escape. Escape from my head. It’s all too much, the death, the fear, the voices. I’m so scared, Ben. I’m always so scared. To you, that scariest place is probably a battleground, right? Well, to me, the scariest place is my head. I can’t control anything there! Whatever they say, I can’t stop it."
"But, Lucy, we can help you; we can make them go away. Just, please, come away from the edge." You plead. But I’m not having any of it.
"Ben, why do you think I read? Or write, or live in a fantasy world? Huh, why? Because they’re all my escape. They’re the reason I can go through every day. I get so absorbed in a book, or when I’m writing that I live the characters life instead of mine. It quiets them Ben, makes them concentrate on what I’m doing. It’s my haven. But I come back, I always come back. But this time, I won’t. I’ll end it all. I’ll be happy. Goodbye, Ben. I love you." I cry, before I jump. I hear you scream my name, see you run towards me, but by then it’s too late, I’m already falling. I close my eyes against the wind, and enjoy my last moments.
I think about how soon, so soon, I’ll be joining my sister. All my pain will end, and I’ll be eternally happy. And, as I think about that, I smile, for the first time in eighteen months. Suddenly, there’s pain everywhere. The wind has stopped, and there’s something hard underneath me. I can’t be dead, I think. Death shouldn’t hurt. So I waited for my pain to end, for death to take me away. But then I hear sirens, and cars, and doors slamming. People talking, asking questions, you sobbing. Then people touching me, lifting me up. People asking me if I can hear them, if I’m alright. But I ignore them, and try my hardest to sleep. I hear your voice, and I remember your face before I jumped. No, I wasn’t dead. When you’re dead, you don’t feel guilt for committing suicide. I think about you, but I fall unconscious before long.
*************************
The next think I know, I’m in a hospital. My eyes are shut, but I can still tell by the quietness of it all, the hushed voices, the muffled sound. Next I smell disinfectant, soap and drugs. Now I feel the crackly hospital bed beneath my aching body, the needles they’ve jabbed in me, and pain everywhere. I open my eyes, and I see you. I see your tousled hair, your baggy, red eyes and your crumpled, dirty cloths. I guess that you haven’t been home since I jumped. You sigh.
"Thought you were never gonna wake up." You say your voice broken and raw. "Thought you’d left me for good. You do know I would’ve followed you if you succeeded." You look straight into my eyes, and I know you’re not joking.
"No!" I rasp my voice as raw as yours. "You’ve still got things to live for. I don’t. That’s why I did it."
"I don’t care." You say. "I love you, Lucy. I’m not gonna leave you, even in death." A nurse walks in.
"Good, you’re awake." He says. "How are you feeling, Miss Woods?"
"I’m okay. How long have I been here?" I ask
"Four days. You had quite a fall." You whisper, looking down.
"But, don’t worry. You’ll be out in no time." The nurse says. He checks a screen to my right, then leaves.
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