How Divorce Affects Children

Isn't it a comforting thought to know that you have a home and loving parents? Doesn't it provide you with a sense of security and comfort that there's always that one place that you can turn to in your time of need? Now imagine a time when you completely depended on your parents while you were growing up. When they fought or bickered, didn't it make you nervous and scared? Didn't you need that sense of security, even though you didn't know it at that time? Parents offer security and support that no other force in life can match up to. One draws comfort and strength from their bond and garners a motivation knowing that there's always a force to pull on by. The effects of a bonded family, sharing healthy relationships is known to have positive effects on the overall personality and the coping mechanisms that a person adopts in life. Thus when a divorce happens, the effects of the same do not remain confined to the couple alone but extend to the children as well. How divorce affects children and what are the repercussions that are felt by the children is what we shall study in the article that follows. Continue reading for more details on the varied divorce effects on children.

It is important to note that the effects of divorce on children are dependent on certain characteristics which include the relationship that the children shared with the parents, the duration of the conflicts that ensued between the parents as well as the ability of the parents to give time and fulfill the needs of the children before and during the divorce proceedings. The stronger the bond, the worse the effects. The longer the conflicts, the more the effects. And an ability to fulfill the emotional and physical needs of the child, the lesser the effect.

The Effects of Divorce on Children

The statistics of how divorce affects children are staggering. If one studies these statistics of the divorce rate in America, it shows that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Divorce statistics also support the fact that children who witness their parents divorce, are more likely to witness the divorce of the subsequent marriages that their parents might have. With the degeneration of relationships like thus, what are the effects of divorce on children? Let us take you through some of the key factors of how divorce affects kids in the remainder of this article.

Trauma and Hurt
Watching the separation of one's parents and the crumbling of a relationship is a traumatic experience in the life of the children. It is the degeneration of a bond that was built, which leads to varied emotions like fear, divorce grief, a sense of loss, chronic sadness, depression and the like. This is the first stage of how divorce affects children emotionally. It has been seen that the younger the children are, more traumatic the effect is. In some, emotions like anger and victimization will follow, while in others, the feelings of being responsible for the relationship breakup will make way. None of these help in creating a positive environment and the child has to battle through all these feelings and learn the ways of coping with divorce so that he can emerge stronger.

Physical Effects
Not only does a child of divorce go through emotional trauma that leads to varied emotional reactions, but it has been seen that the children of divorced parents are more prone to falling sick and developing varied physical ailments that range from asthma, lowered immunity, speech defects, headaches and molestation. Adding to these effects, there are also those that suggest that divorce leads to speech impairments and poor performances in schools. The children are not able to read well enough, have lower grades and show signs of difficult behavior traits. They require help in their studies as well. This is how divorce affects children in school.

Emotional and Behavioral Problems
The most noted of the several effects that divorce has on children are the emotional and behavioral patterns that develop. Children who have witnessed one or multiple divorces are seen to have difficulty in adjusting with others of their own age group. They tend to be aloof and less likely to form friendships and the like. They also seem unhappy and troubled. This affects everything that they do like their studies and the like. What many don't realize is that the hurt and pain that they go through as a part of their parents divorcing tends to evoke in them several abandonment issues that makes adjustment in life difficult and affects all the future relationships (professional and personal) that they get into.

In some cases, it has also been seen that many develop an intense fear or even a hatred towards the very institution of marriage. They stop believing in it and could even lead to the development of commitment phobia. Thus, they are unable to have strong bonded and healthy relationships that can provide stability, comfort and security. They then either flutter from one relationship to the other or become extremely clingy in relationships.

Financial Problems
The levels of how divorce affects children are many and not direct. It has been seen that children who live with single parents due to divorce often face difficulties in finances. The income of the parents gets slashed into half and thus there is a direct effect on the way in which the house is run. This means a compromise with amenities as well as a compromise on important decisions in life like a corrective surgery or a college education.

Insufficient Time
There is also the need to factor in the effect of how a single parent cannot probably give the child a lot of time because of the pressure of taking up a job, for example. This is again seen to affect the child and may raise emotional issues as well.

Adjustment Problems
There might also be the factor that a second marriage might introduce stepparents. The pressure and adjustment problems that a child faces when dealing with a step father or mother can hamper their methods of adjustment in life. The pressure to accept new parents and relationships is not easy. Children who have stepparents are seen to have doubts and fear about the same.

The ways in which divorce affects children runs at several levels. Some are direct reactions while others are more subtle and cannot be easily deciphered. Perhaps the most potent way of how divorce affects children is that there is an acute sense of loss and insecurity that develops in them and that is enough to lead to varied psychological and physical problems, as we have seen. That is why understanding how to deal with divorce is important not only for the parents but also for the kids. Couples who go in for divorces need to be sensitive to their children's feelings most importantly, and try helping the children cope with divorce. This might also involve talking to the teenagers about divorce or adopting similar methods. Divorce is not easy for anyone and that is why there is a need to become sensitized to the issue and thereby help in coping.