His and Her Beds

More and more couples are changing the design of the marriage bed. As a matter of fact, the marriage bed has turned into two separate ones. Married people sleeping in separate beds isn’t a completely foreign concept, and there is certainly a stigma regarding the idea. The common reasons for bedtime separation (sex, children, old age) still exist, but this is not the tell tale sign of relationship problems.

Most people would think that a married couple who sleeps in separate beds must have something wrong in the marriage. When you enter a serious relationship, sleeping in the same bed is a new and special thing. After a while of being married, living together, and sleeping in the same bed things start to change.

Think about it. If you are newly married and one day you spouse says, "Hunny, I want my own bedroom." Wouldn’t you have questions? That might be alright after 30 years of stealing covers from each other, but just doesn’t seem right after six months.

People of old age often can’t get the rest they need with their partner. Snoring, tossing and turning, and getting out of bed in the middle of the night can really disturb a light sleeper. When the kids are grown up and moved out, there is suddenly new space to get some rest, peace and quiet. That doesn’t mean we should assume they aren’t in love any more.

These days, couples are splitting up at night time much sooner in the marriage. The first reason that most people automatically think of is sex problems. One partner may be in the mood a little too often. Sleeping is very important to some people, and sex is more important to others. If that issue doesn’t get resolved, separate beds end up being a solution.

In the popular view, if it’s not sex, it’s the child. After the baby is born, many couples separate at night so the father can get sleep. The mother has to get up and breast feed and change the baby. That doesn’t stop after infancy. Having a difficult child, especially around the age of two, children can be the ultimate birth control. A poorly behaved child can discourage parents from touching one another for the fear of producing another one. Birth control aside, a screaming brat can kill the mood.

The most modern reason is the strong and independent one. Individuals in marriage in this day and age depend on each other less. Personal preference is sometimes just to sleep alone. A marriage with a dual income allows for personalized bedrooms, and some people just like it that way. It allows each person to continue to totally be themselves and enjoy their room and their sleep in their own way without interfering with their partner’s preferences.

Some people would argue that truly happy married people can share everything. The fact of the matter is that some people just get along better if they can go their own separate ways once in a while. Don’t get me wrong, it wouldn’t be marriage if some things aren’t shared, but hopefully you don’t share underwear.

Happy couples spend plenty of quality time together. Love making and cuddling still take place even though they might sleep separately. It can be a fun and exciting refresher to the marriage. Quiet, personal reflection time or just those moments alone can help one appreciate their spouse more. Giving the relationship an opportunity to start fresh in the morning can be a good thing. Playing the dating game can be romantic. It can be a reminder of the early dates when you ‘visit’ each other’s rooms, or ‘meet’ each other in the living room or den. Missing each other a little bit can be an added benefit to his and her bedrooms.

I think it’s possible to enjoy a healthy and happy marriage without sleeping in the same room. After all, we all have to sleep at some point. It’s much more important to enjoy time with your partner when you are both awake, don’t you think?

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