Hilarious Short Quotes

We all need a little bit of humor in our lives in order to get us through the tough times and bring a smile on our face. Here are some hilarious short quotes which you can read and enjoy!

• The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. ~ Robert Bloch
  
  
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• I can resist everything except temptation. ~ Oscar Wilde
• Constipated people don't give a crap.
• The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. ~ Quentin Crisp
• I am fond of children - except boys. ~ Lewis Carroll
• People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. ~ Leo J. Burke
• When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick. ~ George Burns
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
• Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. ~ Louis Hector Berlioz
• If you can't fix it with duck tape, you haven’t used enough
• If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
• Nobody goes where the crowds are anymore. It's too crowded. ~ Yogi Berra
• No, I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
• Strike while your employer has a big contract.
• Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. ~ M. Berle
• Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
• Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business. ~ Dave Barry
• If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn’t show up. ~ Dr Seuss
• Hermits have no peer pressure.
• Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
• I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~ Douglas Adam
• Experience is the sinking feeling you have made this mistake before.
• I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. ~ Les Dawson
• If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you.