Hilarious One Liners

As kid, we had the capability to laugh at anything. But as we grow up, laughter starts diminishing till there's just a fake smile left on the face. Following are some hilarious one liners, which will bring back that bygone laugh.

Hilarious One Liners from Movies

"Inconcievable! - Vizinni
You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means." - Princess Bride

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age." - Dazed and Confused

"Does the rolling help?"
"Yes."
"Where's your gun?"
Galaxy Quest

Leo: I can't believe George Simmons is dying. I grew up on his movies.
Funny People

Jenny Perotti: "If you do anything to distract from her wedding, I will sneak into your room in the middle of the night and cut off your favorite appendage."
Connor Mead: "Now the first part sounds nice."
Funny People

Viper: "Are you ready?"
Po: "I was born read..."
[Viper attacks, Po is flung and lands on his head]
Viper: "I'm sorry, Brother! I thought you said you were ready."
Po: "That was awesome! Let's go again!"
Kung Fu Panda

Mr. Ping: [after Po told him he had dream about noodle] "This is a sign, Po!"
Po: "Uh, a sign of what?"
Mr. Ping: "You are almost ready to be entrusted with the secret ingredient of my secret ingredient soup. And then you will fulfill your destiny and take over the restaurant just as I took it over from my father who took it over from his father who won it from a friend in a game of mahjong."
Kung Fu Panda

Homer Simpson One Liners
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle - they're on TV!

Lisa, vampires are make believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You/re making a scene'.

Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night!

You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden.

Books are useless: I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" - and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but what good does THAT do me?

"I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me. 'Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss. 'Number three, 'it was like that when I got here."

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!

Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'

Funny One Liners
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

"You know somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windshield, it said, ' parking fine' So that was nice!"

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin!

A blond was filling up application form for a job. She was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought she wrote: Yes!

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

One Liners about Life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

Life is full of surprises. Just say "never" and you'll see.

Life is full of uncertainties...of course, I could be wrong about that.

Life is like a donut. You're either in the dough or in the hole.

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

These were some of the funny one liner jokes. Hope these hilarious one liners made you smile! After all, life is one of the most hilarious one liner joke, that is if you decide to enjoy it!