Hidden Pain

I put on that screwed up mask. When it's on they are happy. Though I am not. My mind swells with hate for myself. My life was a beautiful one. Now I look in the mirror my reflection is deceit. I lie to myself with a fake smile. Everything is ok, but it's not. I destroy bonds I would have once considered sacred to me. I'm losing my mind. I'm on my own path of destruction, and I see it. I will not leave without taking, myself down. I have lost many relationships I should not have. I don't see love anymore, the ones I loved, I have left, I mentally turned a blind eye to the fact that I'm lonely. I have no one to hold, to love, or to enjoy life with. I hear myself say things I would never say. Its like there is another person in my mind that has been in control forcing me to break down. I'm depressed and don't know why.

My soul screams for the answers to my life's purpose, And I hear no response. Who could love someone who hates himself. This is not me, I am lost in my brains own twisted and endless labyrinth. Every turn I make brings me further from who I was and them who I loved. I want to wait for someone to find me but I cannot stand still. I am only finding myself further into this dark maze that is my depression. My tears have dried up, there is no more crying. I am protecting myself from emotions. Blue is all I feel now. I will sink away, perhaps ill be back. But if I can't find love for myself I will never find my way back. If I should ever take off this mask I would make others feel my pain, I must keep it on at all times. So that none should be as unhappy as I am.