Helpless

I feel so lost
Nowhere to turn
What do I do?
How could I have screwed my life up this bad?
I’m only 16
I didn’t know it was possible to throw your entire life away at such a young age.
I can’t go back
I don’t know where to turn.
I wish there was someone here that could help me
But there’s not.
I thought he was the one that could make everything better.
Turns out he can’t.
He doesn’t want to.
Or maybe he does.
I don’t know.
I’m just sick of wasting my time.
What if you could bring someone back from the dead?
I think if he were still alive none of this would have happened.
He would have protected me to where nothing bad happened!
I wouldn’t have messed up my life.
I wouldn’t be so sad.
He would help me realize that maybe I actually am important.
Maybe my life will get better.
Without him here to guide me I am just so lost.
I need help!!
I need someone to help me realize there is more to life than this.
That he is not the one for me,
That I can be happy,
Is there anyone that can make me see this?
It would all be better with him here!
Why did he have to get sick?
Why did he have to die?
I was too young.
I barely remember him!
I just know everything would be better if he was here!
But I can’t change the past.
If I could then I would,
But I can’t.
No one can!
Knowing that,
Majorly sucks!
But maybe with him watching over me it will all be okay.
I hope so.
I already hate letting everyone down,
But if I let him down….
That would just make me hate myself.
He’s the one person I never want to disappoint
He may be dead but he still means the world to me.
He’s part of the reason I want to die sometimes.
I just want to be able to see him again.
That would make me the happiest person!!!
Maybe that’s why I’m so sad all of the time