Helping Children Become Teenagers

Kids have always been faced with changes in their bodies, emotions, personalities, voices, and every other aspect of their lives as they grow into their teenage years. Adapting to these changes has always been a struggle for most teens, but in today's society, with its emphasis on materialism and appearance, the struggle can be particularly hard. And the sedentary American lifestyle doesn't help. Not only can kids be cruel to each other at school, children can be terribly hard on themselves when they evaluate their own reflection in the mirror and compare themselves to their peers or to society's ideal of the perfect image. Parents can do a lot to help their kids develop solid self-esteem and feel good about their bodies.

As you become aware of changes your child is experiencing, talk to them and encourage them to be open with you if they have questions or concerns. The most obvious physical changes teenagers experience are hair growth, increased height and weight, skin problems such as acne and oily skin, body odors, and hormonal changes in boys and menstrual periods in girls. Emotional changes can include sexual urges, feelings of embarrassment or self-consciousness, or even depression. Establishing and maintaining an open line of honest communication is key to being able to help your child make it through their teenage years and emerge relatively unscathed as a young adult. One of the most effective ways to encourage your child to talk to you is to let them know that you were a teenager once, and perhaps pass along a few stories about your own struggles with emotional and physical changes.

Children can be very mean to each other, and peer pressure can wreak havoc on a young person's self-esteem. Therefore, you should make a conscious effort to ensure that your home is a safe haven and an environment where your child need not worry about being teased or tormented because of changes they are going through. For instance, make it a rule in your house that it is wrong to call someone a name or call attention to their body, even if they are calling themselves fat or ugly. Establish a meaningful consequence for violating the rule, such as lessening allowance or removing a privilege. By the same token, when one child compliments another or makes a conscious effort to boost morale or encourage self-esteem, be sure to praise that child and reward them in some way. This is not bribing your children to compliment each other; on the contrary, you are teaching them positive life skills by helping them learn to compliment each other rather than be critical.

While being supportive and encouraging, you also need to be realistic. Talk to your child about their genetic makeup and help them understand that there are some things they cannot control, such as hair color, skin tone, height and body frame, shoe size, and even weight. Some people are genetically predisposed to being heavy or stocky, and others to being rail-thin. Help your child understand that although they may not be able to change some things about their bodies, they have many physical characteristics that are beautiful. There are some things your child can change to make them feel better about themselves - such as choosing a new hair style, adopting a skin care regimen, losing weight through diet and exercise, gaining weight through bodybuilding or changing eating habits, or changing from eyeglasses to contact lenses. When your child makes an effort to change something and his or her self-esteem is strengthened as a result, be sure to compliment the change and help boost their self-confidence even further.

Offer to help your child solve problems and provide advice when you are asked for it, but don't be overbearing in giving out suggestions if your child is not receptive to them. Help with problem solving and casually point out examples of how others have overcome similar challenges, but be careful not to compare your child to others. Above all, help your child to understand that appearances are important upon initially meeting someone, but the real worth of an individual goes beyond their outward appearance. After going through puberty and overcoming the challenges of changing bodies and minds, teenagers can then settle into being young adults, self-confident, self-assured, and ready to conquer the world.