Healthy Relationships

'What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. - Mark Twain'

Wouldn't we all like to be in healthy relationships? I certainly would - especially since I've run through the gamut of relationships that would certainly make the cut for unhealthy. What's probably ironic is that nine out of ten people in relationships that are, well, not really doing you much good, are otherwise strong, intelligent, self respecting people - it's only in these relationships that one seems to lose all sense of everything, especially self worth. If you've been in a failed relationship, or if you're in one that makes you keep taking quizzes in magazines with titles like 'Is he/she worth It?', leaving you slightly taken aback with your results, maybe it's time for a reality check. What makes me judge, jury and executioner? Been there, done that, and have scars to prove it. Single is as single does, and until I can find a suitable significant other, let's just say, I'm happy to give you relationship advice.

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

You know, I'm neither a psychologist, a psychiatrist nor a counselor with a fancy degree, I'm not psychic, overly cynical and I'm certainly not the alchemist. But I can tell you this, when you go through enough mediocre relationships to know what you don't want, it makes you an unsung authority on what separates a dysfunctional relationship from a good one. That's not to say that every relationship is limited to a lover or life partner, soulmate or spouse - call it what you will. There are friends, siblings, parents, animals even, that we have relationships with, some that are strong, some that are weak, strained and some that are strangely comforting (like with your hairdresser for instance). These relationships often define us as people - their strength keeps you strong, the strained ones make you cynical. It's ironic really, how much difference a little effort can make, but how much of a struggle it takes to make that effort. So what does it take to get you building healthy relationships?

Trust
I know, I know, clichéd. Did you expect a little better? Let me try and explain. Who is the one person in your life that you can depend on, no matter what? Someone who you could run to and be sure of help when you've been framed for a crime you didn't commit (or maybe are on the run for a crime you did commit?) For a long time, with obtuseness that seems undimmed with repetition and disappointment, the average relationship addict will believe it's the person one's in a relationship with. When you truly trust someone, the doubt doesn't surface, have you noticed? It could be your family, maybe an old friend, it could be a flame who's still holding a torch, and yes, it can even be yourself. I'd go so far as to say that a healthy relationship can survive without love, but you haven't much chance if you don't have trust.

Space
This one's almost as high up as trust. Someone very wise once said, 'you must be the source of your own happiness'. In this day and age, there are truly few things I believe in more. People in healthy relationships give each other space. As much as is needed. That may mean you traipse around the world on your own in search of life's true meaning, or you give each other a night out with the girls or the boys, a week. Yes, I know that there are some people who are glued to each other at the hip, starry eyed with emotion (the same ones, I'm very tempted to smack if I'm honest - what can I say, I'm only human). But true healthy relationships are between people who respect each other enough to allow for space. Give each other room to grow, because it's only if you're happy that you can contribute to the happiness of a relationship. Which, incidentally brings me to the third staple...

Respect
Respect is non-negotiable. A relationship where you aren't respected, is never going to go anywhere, and is as good as a toxic relationship - get out now. But it's up to you, to respect your partner as well. Respect to me, is also linked closely with equality, after all, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. It's only fair to have the same set of rules for both sides, who can argue with that? Sometimes, it's plain simple fear that keeps us in troubled relationships, afraid of the pain of a relationship break up. But you know what? The heart is an amazingly resilient organ, and you aren't giving yourself the credit you deserve, if you're staying in a relationship because you don't know how to let go of the past.

Communication
Talking it out leaves less room for misunderstandings. While at times it may mean you're making the first move when you feel it really isn't your fault, accept that at times you need to be the better person to sort out simple relationship issues. Too many of us are okay to let things go without a fight. Anger and bitterness fester, and they aren't really pretty to look at, easy to live with, or warm and comforting bed partners. Talk, argue if you must, and then make up. Give it your best shot before you let it go.

Above all, developing healthy relationships requires patience, consistent effort and time. Some need more work than others, while some meander along without the slightest help. Finally, I'd like to say this - when you get out of a relationship, no matter how short lived or serious, give yourself the time and space to wrap your head around the situation. Jumping into a rebound relationship will distract you enough to face the light of day, but it's just a quick fix, not much help in the long run. Sometimes, being in healthy relationships may mean letting go, getting out, clearing your head and moving on. Recognize that this may not be a bad thing - put it down to experience. Focus on the relationships you treasure, and nurture them, you'll be amazed at how easy it is once you try, and how good it feels once you do!