He Was My Everything

"I will kill you," I had shouted at him. When I had only wanted to say... I love you, please come back. But someone, I don't know who, put words into my mouth, words I would never say to him. He was the love on my life, my Andrew. And then one day he suddenly left me. And my world began to feel empty. How will I ever feel whole without him?

He was my best friend, my companion, my love... oh, why did he leave? Was there something I did?

My friends were more of a nuisance than a help. They would say something like... Oh, Louisa... there must be someone else, or... you deserve better.

Firstly... I trust him, even though he hurt me, left me... all that. But he is not a cheater... he is a good guy. I believe him, when he said something had gone wrong in his household and he couldn't stay with me. I may be crazy about him, and crazy in general... but he... he is perfect.

I would think about us all the time. It had been ten days since the breakup... he hadn't called, or messaged. In fact, he had blocked me on his cell... but his exams were going on... he wants to be a good doctor. He is a good person.

My mind would just not stop thinking. I had tried to hate him, not possible. My friends were messaging me all the time. It was sweet of them. But couldn't they just leave me alone?

The bus I was sitting in got hit by a truck when I was thinking only about him. And my last thought alive could have been 'I love you Andrew', if it weren't for the fact that the truck stopped and we only ended up with a few bruises due to the glass pieces from the shattered window.

I messaged him. He replied instantly, with a worried 'are you okay?'. He was busy, I understand... that's why he didn't call. Not because he didn't care. And mind you... I was a terrible girlfriend, really. Otherwise he never would have left.

I came home, only to meet my friend Sasha, who was obviously worried about me. 'You are a pathetic loser Louisa... he doesn't even want you. He knows he can always come back into your life when he wants to throw you away when he wishes-"
"Stop it Sasha!" I squealed. My friends were really getting on my nerves. I will get over Andrew... someday.
"Listen to me," she said . "If he comes back, you lose me. I am done, you have no self-respect and it's useless trying to tell you anything anymore."

She left, my second best friend in the whole world. The first one had already left. And I was fighting my world, to have the little world that he and I had, till only ten days ago. Or was I the only one in that world?

Tears streamed down my cheeks, tears that I had been holding back all day. When a friend of mine had cried after the accident, who already had a crooked leg and feared the effect on her loved ones if something happened to her. As for me... I knew very well that if the truck had hit out bus seconds ago, I wouldn't have been alive. My family would have been shattered, my friends as well... as for him... I don't know.

I saw my mom coming towards me. I quickly wiped my tears and put on a fake smile, one I had mastered quite well in the past few days. It had worked surprisingly well, at home at least.

I ran upstairs after giving mom a tight hug. Then I shut the door and let the tears flow. Alas, one place where I did not have to fake it. Where I did not have to hide the truth anymore... that may be I was a pathetic loser, that may be I had no self-respect. I switched on the radio and climbed into the bed. I had started sleeping for twelve hours a day... just so I could resist calling or messaging him.

Taylor Swift's voice filled the room...

"Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around..."

With the radio still on, I cried myself to sleep.