He Was My Everything - Part 3 and 4
We often assume that the person who left us would be very happy, that he would rejoice now that he is free of 'the loser in the relationship'. But my relationship showed me that a breakup is easy on no one.
Part 3
Andrew's POV
I have had a hell of a month. Louisa is upset, I understand. But can't she just get a hold on herself and move on? Life is much bigger than a breakup.
I feel ashamed to talk to her, I wish she wouldn't call, message, email. Married people get divorced, so what's the big deal if a relationship didn't work out? After all, we had been together for only fifteen months.
I had gotten tired of seeing her sad. I know it sounds crazy. But being with someone who was once full of joy and suddenly became too depressed to live made me feel that she wasn't the Louisa I had fallen for.
And I had been there, for four months, supporting her, caring for her. Until I myself began to feel depressed after all the fights, shouts and her crying. I was so done with all that. I am still a student, I have responsibilities, I have to be a good doctor. And I can't let my relationship affect my work.
I know what I did was wrong, but only the way I broke up was wrong. The breakup was the right thing to do. She has been sounding stronger recently. And definitely happier. So it all did work out.
If I have to summarize the past one year... I would do it like this... We went out, had a lot of fun... then she became depressed, changed... then I changed and our relationship no longer existed. Why doesn't she just move on from 'us'... it's not like I am good enough for her anyway.
But the thing is... I am in another town, with my maternal grandparents. Usually it's the place where I am happiest... why am I not happy then?
Why... does she even matter?
One day she called. I felt weird again, what if she'll fight, cry. But she didn't. She asked me why I left her, demanded to know the reason. And I told her... finally... because she was right, she did deserve to know.
She seemed so much stronger that I felt like the weakling. But she reminded me that I was a good person, the girl whose heart I had broken, told me that it was ok. That she had forgiven me, and that she wished the best for me, and wanted to be friends. We had our last talk. It was amazing, we video chatted as well... and she looked stunning. As ever.
But we could not be together... and that last talk wasn't the last one. I heard her cry again afterwards, be rude to me. But part of me still wanted to be with her, and the other part wanted to run away.
What do I really want? Louisa and me... or only me for now.
***********************************************
Part 4
The ending... it's up to us how we face the pain of a break up... do we let it ruin us, or do we let it make us stronger... make us someone we can be proud of. Your life after a breakup is only in your hands, make the most of it. Get over it and get going... try to be friends with the one you loved or at least end it on good terms. If he is the right guy for you, he'll come along, you just have to believe.
**********************************************
Andrew and I talked. I had no idea that he was sad too, when I got depressed. I know that all this doesn't make him a saint, but it doesn't make him evil either. I am still very much in love, but I will never hear anything bad about him again.
He talked to me regularly, for hours. He explained everything, he does have feelings... but we are both not feeling good enough about the whole thing to go into it again, especially right now. He may be right for me, or he may be very wrong... but after a long time I am going to listen to my heart. We are going to be friends... forever.
These things don't work out sometimes. We have to see the bigger picture in life. I love him more than he loves me, but don't I need someone who loves me like crazy? Of course I do! And if I will be unhappy with Andrew all my life, I should be thanking him for breaking up!
This all may sound very strange... but really, I have realized that the only way I can keep him in my life is by being friends, just like old times. It may be tough, but we are ready for it. I will never leave his side, and I hope he'll never leave my side as a friend.
I have killed the pain, I will stop loving him after today so our friendship can be true. I will be happy so he can be happy. I will laugh, so that he will never feel guilty. I love him so much that I am prepared to make myself another person just so he will be sad no more.
This was my love story. It didn't have the ending I want, but I have to believe that there will be many such stories in my life. And I will sure as hell bag the fairy tale. Because I am one person who can love her guy like no one else, and it's not something to feel bad about, it's something to be proud of.
I am amazing, and so is he. But we were not amazing together. Someday we will be, when we are both a bit more mature and happy... and maybe someday this story will have its happy ending. Maybe this story will be my fairy tale.
He was my everything, but now I am my everything. That's the way it should be, and from now on... that's the way it will always be.
Andrew's POV
I have had a hell of a month. Louisa is upset, I understand. But can't she just get a hold on herself and move on? Life is much bigger than a breakup.
I feel ashamed to talk to her, I wish she wouldn't call, message, email. Married people get divorced, so what's the big deal if a relationship didn't work out? After all, we had been together for only fifteen months.
I had gotten tired of seeing her sad. I know it sounds crazy. But being with someone who was once full of joy and suddenly became too depressed to live made me feel that she wasn't the Louisa I had fallen for.
And I had been there, for four months, supporting her, caring for her. Until I myself began to feel depressed after all the fights, shouts and her crying. I was so done with all that. I am still a student, I have responsibilities, I have to be a good doctor. And I can't let my relationship affect my work.
I know what I did was wrong, but only the way I broke up was wrong. The breakup was the right thing to do. She has been sounding stronger recently. And definitely happier. So it all did work out.
If I have to summarize the past one year... I would do it like this... We went out, had a lot of fun... then she became depressed, changed... then I changed and our relationship no longer existed. Why doesn't she just move on from 'us'... it's not like I am good enough for her anyway.
But the thing is... I am in another town, with my maternal grandparents. Usually it's the place where I am happiest... why am I not happy then?
Why... does she even matter?
One day she called. I felt weird again, what if she'll fight, cry. But she didn't. She asked me why I left her, demanded to know the reason. And I told her... finally... because she was right, she did deserve to know.
She seemed so much stronger that I felt like the weakling. But she reminded me that I was a good person, the girl whose heart I had broken, told me that it was ok. That she had forgiven me, and that she wished the best for me, and wanted to be friends. We had our last talk. It was amazing, we video chatted as well... and she looked stunning. As ever.
But we could not be together... and that last talk wasn't the last one. I heard her cry again afterwards, be rude to me. But part of me still wanted to be with her, and the other part wanted to run away.
What do I really want? Louisa and me... or only me for now.
***********************************************
Part 4
The ending... it's up to us how we face the pain of a break up... do we let it ruin us, or do we let it make us stronger... make us someone we can be proud of. Your life after a breakup is only in your hands, make the most of it. Get over it and get going... try to be friends with the one you loved or at least end it on good terms. If he is the right guy for you, he'll come along, you just have to believe.
**********************************************
Andrew and I talked. I had no idea that he was sad too, when I got depressed. I know that all this doesn't make him a saint, but it doesn't make him evil either. I am still very much in love, but I will never hear anything bad about him again.
He talked to me regularly, for hours. He explained everything, he does have feelings... but we are both not feeling good enough about the whole thing to go into it again, especially right now. He may be right for me, or he may be very wrong... but after a long time I am going to listen to my heart. We are going to be friends... forever.
These things don't work out sometimes. We have to see the bigger picture in life. I love him more than he loves me, but don't I need someone who loves me like crazy? Of course I do! And if I will be unhappy with Andrew all my life, I should be thanking him for breaking up!
This all may sound very strange... but really, I have realized that the only way I can keep him in my life is by being friends, just like old times. It may be tough, but we are ready for it. I will never leave his side, and I hope he'll never leave my side as a friend.
I have killed the pain, I will stop loving him after today so our friendship can be true. I will be happy so he can be happy. I will laugh, so that he will never feel guilty. I love him so much that I am prepared to make myself another person just so he will be sad no more.
This was my love story. It didn't have the ending I want, but I have to believe that there will be many such stories in my life. And I will sure as hell bag the fairy tale. Because I am one person who can love her guy like no one else, and it's not something to feel bad about, it's something to be proud of.
I am amazing, and so is he. But we were not amazing together. Someday we will be, when we are both a bit more mature and happy... and maybe someday this story will have its happy ending. Maybe this story will be my fairy tale.
He was my everything, but now I am my everything. That's the way it should be, and from now on... that's the way it will always be.
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