Growing (Part 10)

Poppy

Well, it certainly was an interesting afternoon. I felt like I was standing near a cliff edge with a blindfold on. If I step forward any further I might fall but what was to happen to me if I stayed where I was? I wanted to step further into Jeff's life. I wanted him to hold me and look after me. I wanted him to want me as much as I wanted him. The question that lingered was, would I be able to let anyone into my heart? Am I able to be with Jeff and not end up pushing him away? As far as relationships go I was cursed. I always picked the wrong guys. I always went for the guys with rage problems, drinking problems, and women issues! Jeff wasn't one of those guys. He seemed like he was stable, rock solid and someone who I could lean on.
I wonder if I just-

CRASH

I was brought quickly back to reality when a glass bottle was hurtled at the door frame.
"You stupid little girl!" mum screamed at me spit flying in all directions.
I sighed and I closed my eyes. I was in Jeff's house sitting at his kitchen table having a cup of coffee.
"Where were you!"
I squeezed my eye closed tighter. I was in Jeff's room looking at all his trophies.
"Whose clothes are you in? You little slut!" she was now screaming at fever pitch.
I opened my eyes. No amount of imagining would get me away from here. Smiling, I went to the cupboard and got out a glass. I filled it with water and walked in her direction.
"If I give you this water, will you drink it and not throw the glass at me?" I asked through gritted teeth.
She nodded slowly.

I put it into her out stretched, shaking hand. She took at large mouthful. I was surprised how cooperative she was being. This soon changed as she leaned her head back slightly and brought it forward towards me with a jerking motion and spit the contents of her mouth into my face. Water hit my face in a cold wave. It stung my wide eyes and ran down my neck and back. I gasped. I wiped my face of the recycled water and with the rage that had formed in my chest I slapped her across the face. The impact caused my hand to sting but did not seem to injure her seriously. She looked at me with cold, hard, red eyes. She quickly reached out her hand and grabbed a fistful of my hair. She dragged my head sharply down by my hair until my ear was level with her mouth.
"Never, ever do that to me again." She said in a low, stern voice," I am your mother!" she shouted.

"I have provided you with a roof over your head and one more foot out of line and I'll kick you out!" she finished releasing my hair quickly.
Tears began to fall from my eyes in a raindrop fashion. I watched her stagger back into the living and heard the mummer of the TV as she switched on the old set. I made my way to the kitchen table. I hurt all over. My arms and legs felt like they had been exercised to their limit and now the lactic acid had taken its course through my muscles. My stomach ached like it never had before. I could taste something acidic at the back of my throat. My heart raced at a speed which made me want to curl in a ball and clutch my chest. I felt like I was dying. I sat there until my breath finally returned to normal. It was then that I heard the knock on the door. Shit.

Jeff

I waited patiently in the rain on her small front step. I contemplated knocking again but I didn't want to seem rude. Instead, I faced away from the door to look at the road. Even in the rain, small groups of teenagers had formed on the corners of the streets. I was glad I locked the car. I wondered if it was safe out there on its own, even with me standing looking over it.
I decided to knock again after five minutes of waiting and watching the car. I heard a chain pulling across the door and two locks being unlatched. As the door opened I saw Poppy's figure emerge inch by inch. She was still dressed in my baggy clothes and look like she was sick.
"Are you ok? Are you sick?" I asked quickly
"What?" she asked momentarily confused, realization struck her as she reached up to her messy hair. "O no sorry. Something came up."
"O." I said not really sure what to say, she looked embarrassed and awkward. Admittedly the first thing that crossed my mind was that she was with another guy. That thought made me begin to blush and all of a sudden I didn't know where to look. We stood there in silence for a moment.

"Em can you wait there, I'll go through something on and be right out." She said quickly, looking in behind her into the house like she was afraid someone would come out to the door and see me.
"Can I come in?" I asked boldly.
If there was another guy here I was determined not to let her get away with it so easily. Suddenly, a strange confidence led on by anger over took me.
"Well..." she looked behind her again.
"What's the problem?" I asked wondering if my suspicions were right.
She broke into a whisper, "It's my mum. She's not well."
She had told me the same excuse earlier. I felt like it was over between us before it had even begun. I nodded at her and looked away. When I turned back to her she looked worried. She had seen the look in my eyes and she knew full and well what I was thinking.
"Shit." She said under her breath and continued, "Ok, you can come in. But you have to be extremely quiet. If she wakes..." she didn't continue but took another breath and said, "Just be quiet."

She looked behind her again, and signaled for me to come into the small hall. She raised her hand and told me to stay put as she slowly closed a door that was slightly ajar and put her finger to her lips for me to be quiet.
The hall was dark and damp. There were stains on the wallpaper and the carpet was a mix and match of different swatches. As we entered the kitchen it was much the same, dark, damp, and this time instead of carpet it had cracked lino. I continued to follow her the short distance through a door and into another room. It looked to be a utility room but it was bare and full with boxes. Finally we reached another door and it opened into a dark square room.
She flicked the switch and the lights buzzed, flickered and finally stayed on. Her room was freezing and as run down as the rest of the house. There were a few piles of clothes on the bare wooden floor, and a bed in the corner beside the window but other than that the room was bland and nowhere near the way I had expected it.
Poppy looked almost angry when I turned to face her.
"Well, you've seen it all." She snapped.
"What do you mean?" I asked shocked.
"The house! My room!" she said again in an angry tone.
"Poppy, I don't understand..."
"Its embarrassing Jeff." She said after a long pause.
"Poppy-"

"Anyway. Sorry I'm so far behind schedule. I completely got side tracked with things."
She smiled slightly and opened her wardrobe and picked out a dress. She continued to pick out shoes and finally underwear, by which I had turned away embarrassed. She quickly went into her small bathroom and got changed. It was only a matter of moments before she was out again and grabbing a make up bag. I stood by the door. I hadn't moved since I entered the room. I watched as she poured foundation onto the back of her hand and then using a brush began to spread it across her face.
"You can sit down you know." She said looking up and pointing to the bed where she was sitting putting on her make up.
I walked over awkwardly and sat down on her unmade bed. It smelt of her perfume and stale smoke. I watched as she transformed her face with make up.
"Sorry." I said looking down at the patterned duvet cover on her bed.
"For what?" she asked looking up at me with wide eyes.

"I pushed you into letting me into your house. I should have just waited in the car for you." I felt embarrassed. It was clear to me now that there was no other man, just my overactive imagination playing tricks on me.
"It's ok. I was just scared with my mum. She gets confused sometimes. I was afraid she might get worked up if I brought someone into the house."
"I feel like a jerk." I sighed.
"Don't, sorry I was so unprepared for you." She replied grabbing her handbag and packing it quickly.
I went over to her to give her a kiss but she stopped me.
"Not now." She said rubbing my cheek, "We are tempting luck as it is that she hasn't woken up yet."
I nodded but I was secretly hurt.

"Will she be ok on her own?" I asked as the thought struck me.
She nodded and walked, with her high heels in her hand, back the way we had come. As she opened the utility room door I saw her body froze solid. She held up a warning hand to tell me not to come any further.
"Mum." She said quietly, "Can I get you anything?"
"Where are you going?" came a harsh, scratchy voice from an unseen woman.
"I'm going out." She said softly
"Out? You always go OUT!" she shouted, "Why can't you ever stay IN?"
"Mum please." She hushed stepping forward into the room.
I shrank back into the shadows. Poppy's figure was blocking my view of her mom but I could just about see the corner of a nightdress and old holey slippers.
My imagination formed a small, gnarled, old women in my mind with rotting teeth and untamed hair.

"Don't you 'mum please' me! Two minutes ago you were slapping me across the face!"
My heart was in my mouth. I was afraid to even breath. I listened intently as the conversation continued.
"Mum, I'm going out, I won't be too long and I'll be back before you go asleep."
"Have you got any money?" she barked
"Yeah." Poppy replied slowly.
"Give it to me."
"I need it."
"Give me the bloody money!" she screamed.
I could see Poppy's hand fold into a fist. She unclenched her hand and drew out a twenty-euro note from her bag.
"Take it." She said to her mom quietly.
I heard a shuffle of feet and a door close. Poppy turned back to where I was standing. Her face was a mask of misery. She indicated for me to stay where I was as she listened to hear her mum return to the living room.