Goodbye Me - Chapter 8

My body was really hard to get used to.
I'm still not used to it now.
Strangely, at least to me, my chest was the hardest to get accustomed to. Not the down there part. I wonder why.
The one thing that I couldn't bare was everyone else's reaction. I remember the first day I went to school again, after being home for about two months.

******
(Flashback)
I met up with Jeannette a block from school. It was a bright and sunny day, and I was stinking hot in the thick hoodie I was hiding in. I was wearing baggy jeans, a big sweater, a baseball cap pulled down low over my eyes, casting my face in shadow, and the hood pulled up over the cap. Jeanette wasn't surprised in seeing me as a boy, because she had come over to my house for a visit a week ago, when I had gotten my hair cut. It had been yet another terrible day, seeing my beautiful hair I'd been so proud of, falling to the ground, after being chopped off. Which was silly, since my hair wasn't the biggest thing I lost. Anyhow, Jeannie and I had planned on arriving about ten minutes late to class, so that everyone had the time to arrive and got a good look at the new me right away, and I could finally get it over with.

As we reached the school building, I started breathing heavily and trembling slightly. Noting my distress, my best friend took my hand and urged me forward, so that I wouldn't turn back. The day before I had made her promise that no matter what, she would make me get into class, even if I was scared out of my wits. As we stood in front of the closed classroom door, I watched as Jeannette reached out and flinched at each nock on the hard wood. Once we heard the muffled "come in" we opened the door and stepped in. Everybody looked up, out of curiosity, taking in their classmate and the stranger standing next to her. The teacher was about to scold Jeannie for being late when she announced in a wobbly voice:

"Guys, this is Alex"
Everyone gasped, as they had not expected that, but they heard nothing from me. I was holding my breath, biting my lip, digging my nails into my palms, trying so hard not to cry. I felt a nudge at my side, and turned to look at Jeannette. I understood immediately what she wanted me to do, but I just couldn't. I scanned my friends' faces, all sitting still in their seats, just gaping at me, some with tears in their eyes. I gotta do it eventually. I quickly pulled down my hood, exposing my short hair, and unzipped my sweater, letting them notice my flat chest under my shirt. Everyone was deadly quiet, until I ripped off my cap and the room was filled with exclamations, cries and chairs being scraped against the floor as they stood up and walked towards me, enveloping me in hugs. We were all crying by now, all facing the fact that Alexandra was gone.