Getting the Sex Life You Want and Deserve - Launching a Series

We all want to succeed in our sex life, whether we are heterosexual, homosexual, or a bit (or more) of both. Virtually everyone feels that he or she should be "getting" more, "getting" better, or both. What’s the problem, I want it, you want it, let’s go, right now? Alas, life and especially sex life is rarely that simple. Don’t think that there’s a magic pill, perfume, potion, or pick-up line that will get you where you want to be before the evening, or if you’re particularly ambitious, before the afternoon, is over. There isn’t even such an article, and believe me, over the years like most of you, I’ve been looking. But I do know that it’s possible to improve your sex life whether you are in a committed relationship, a successful swinger, a three-time loser, or just about anyone else. Doing so is partly common sense, it’s partly putting yourself in the other person’s shoes before putting…, and it’s partly something else. Well, you’ll have to read these articles to find out about the third part.

We have so many suggestions for improving your sex life that we are putting together an alphabetical list of what to do. Just so you don’t miss out, we are also putting together an alphabetical list of what not to do. You should not let all that time, effort, perhaps money, and perhaps love, go down the drain by putting your foot in your mouth when what you really want is to put something else there or elsewhere.

A is for attitude. (You may have noticed that our relationship articles started with attitude as well.) Attitude is so, so important. If you feel that the doll in the bar (this may be somewhat less true for the hunk in the bar) was put on this earth for your physical pleasure you are probably going to be empty-handed tonight. Or at least… People are people and they are not meant to fulfill your pleasures, or for that matter your dreams. But play your cards right and there may be a whole lot of sharing going on. By the way, if your attitude just is the opposite; namely, I could never get to first base with so-and-so, he or she is too good for me, you are right. Think like a loser and you lose. That’s one of life’s few guarantees.

A is for amuse. Get them laughing. Do I have to say laughing with you and not laughing at you? Depending on your intended partner, a little bit of self-deprecation may not hurt your chances but be sure not to go overboard. We repeat our advice, because it’s so important. Get them laughing. By the way, if you can get them laughing fairly consistently without working on it too hard, you may well be looking at a serious relationship.

A is for adapt and adjust. Be ready to give a little. This doesn’t mean to switch your party allegiance if you’re into that sort of thing. But be flexible. This could help you go a long way. Remember, you can have fun in more ways than one with someone who is not your mirror image or a female/male version of you. You may even find that being more flexible is good for you, even without considering sex.

A is for appreciate. I don’t mean appreciating their YES (or their YES,YES, YES) but also appreciating who you are with. Whether you are entrelaced or not. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you are looking for a life partner. But people feel better about themselves and what they are doing when they are with someone they can appreciate, vertically as well as horizontally. Stay tuned, there’s more coming.