Funny Things to Say

Laughter is indeed the best medicine and there is no better way to break the ice with someone or disrupt an awkward moment of silence than by coming up with some funny things to say. Humor is a dying breed in today's times is it often gets misconstrued and presumed for something else, but the truly funny people always shine through with their humor. There are so many people who are trying so hard to be funny that genuine humor is really getting lost in translation. Simply knowing some funny things to say is not good enough, as the timing and the application of these words is far more important in order to know how to be funny. Remember that sometimes, silence is funnier than some mindless words spoken in a bland attempt at humor.

The best part about humor and funny things to say is that it can be applied pretty much anywhere. There are some occasions that are obviously more apt for certain lines, but knowing when to say what, is a very important attribute that unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with. Over time though, one begins to recognize these situations more easily and clearly. You can come up with funny things to say at home, at school, at work, with your friends, parents, lovers or even with random strangers. The point is to make them laugh by saying something really funny and out of the box.

Here are some examples of funny things to say, but the truth is that these are just general guidelines of sorts. Blindly reciting them at inopportune moments would just be inappropriate, so judge each moment individually.

Funny Things to Say to People

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
• Lord save me from your followers.
• God must love stupid people, he made so many.
• I said "NO" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
• Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
• He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
• Impotence: Nature's way of saying "no hard feelings".
• Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
• To all you virgins. Thanks for nothing.
• If we quit voting will they all go away?
• Alcohol and Calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
• 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
• WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
• I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
• I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
• If we aren't supposed to eat animals why are they made of meat?
• Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
• My karma ran over my dogma.
• Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
• Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
• There are 3 kinds of people. Those who can count and those who can't.
• There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
• I like long walks, especially, when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• It's a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
• The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
• Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
• When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
• No one needs a vacation more than the person who just had one.
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• When in charge ponder. When in trouble delegate. When in doubt mumble.
• Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
• We owe a lot to Thomas Edison, if it wasn't for him we would be watching TV by candlelight.
• For every action there is an equal and opposite Government program.
• If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
• I've developed a new philosophy, I only dread one day at a time.
• Saw it, wanted it, had a fit, got it.

Now, I'm sure there are thousands of funny things to say that anyone can come up with. All it takes is a little creativity and a little originality. The trick is to not have any fixed dogmas or prejudices in one's mind, and also to be open to new ideas and people. Humor can be developed and nurtured over a period of time, and fortunately, it will never get stale.