Funny Text Messages

It’s late in the evening and you are at work. You should have been home a couple of hours ago. You wonder what your wife will have to say when you reach the party late. You have no choice, you pick up the phone to call her, but she sends you a message at the same time. The message says, "I am a killer, I kill people for money...But because you are my friend, I'll kill you for nothing!" That text message certainly broke the ice that day!

Here are some more funny text messages:

• They dropped your name, can you pick it up?

• I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

• Love me or leave me. Hey, where is everybody going?

• Nice perfume... but do you really need to marinate in it?

• I once sniffed Coke, but the ice cubes blocked my nostrils.

• You should know what it takes to look this cheap!

• Roses are red, violets are blue, Frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you?

• When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

• Be nice to the ones who smoke…every cigarette might be their last.

• Hello, this is GOD. I made a few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realized. My apologies on behalf of the whole world.

• I know why I am single; my parents-in-law were not able to have kids.

• You used to be so ugly that your mother had to tie a steak around your neck, otherwise even the dog would not play with you.

• Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now… sorry I will leave. I can't find a brain.

• This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

• God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!

• How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?

• I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

• This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number. We are truly sorry for the inconvenience.

• Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place.

• A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.