Funny Short Sayings
A collection of funny short sayings to brighten up your day.
- 'Money talks…but all mine ever says is goodbye!'
Anonymous
- 'The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.'
Abe Lemons
- 'A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.'
Burt Bacharach
- 'I'm in shape ... round's a shape, isn't it?'
Anonymous
- 'He who laughs last didn't get it.'
Helen Giangregorio
- 'I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?'
Anonymous
- 'All power corrupts, but we need electricity.'
Haythum R. Khalid
- 'If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.'
Anonymous
- 'A gas station is a place where you sometimes fill the car, but more often drain the kids.'
Anonymous
- 'He's got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed.'
Leopold Fechtner
- 'If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.'
Sam Levenson
- 'Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.'
Anonymous
- 'Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.'
Finley Peter Dunne
- 'I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.'
Johathan Raban
- 'Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.'
Jim Davis
- 'The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.'
Franklin P. Jones
- 'A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.'
Anonymous
- 'When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.'
Gracie Allen
- 'Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time.'
Anonymous
- 'I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.'
Anonymous
- 'You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.'
Anonymous

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