Funny Monologues

If you've ever been a part of school drama and skit competitions, you must have enjoyed hilarious performances. No wonder, you must have been one of the actors delivering monologues. Monologues or soliloquy, is an interrupted speech by a character in a drama delivered to the audience, another character or the character speaks to himself. There are numerous funny monologues in best comedy movies of all time or you can also look up for such monologues, in best comedy TV shows. You're sure to find exhilarating and funny monologues.

Funny Monologues for Girls

One of the funny monologues for women, this is taken from the play 'As You Like It', by William Shakespeare.

PHEBE: Think not I love him, though I ask for him;
'Tis but a peevish boy; yet he talks well.
But what care I for words? Yet words do well
When he that speaks them pleases those that hear.
It is a pretty youth; not very pretty;
But sure he's proud; and yet his pride becomes him.
He'll make a proper man. The best thing in him
Is his complexion; and faster than his tongue
Did make offense, his eye did heal it up.
He is not very tall; yet for his year's he's tall.
His leg is but so so; and yet 'tis well.
There was a pretty redness in his lip,
A little riper and more lusty red
Than that mixed in his cheek; 'twas just the difference
Betwixt the constant red and mingled damask.
There be some women, Silvius, had they marked him
In parcels as I did, would have gone near
To fall in love with him; but, for my part,
I love him not nor hate him not; and yet
I have more cause to hate him than to love him;
For what had he to do to chide at me?
He said mine eyes were black and my hair black;
And, now I am rememb'red, scorned at me.
I marvel why I answered not again.
But that's all one; omittance is no quittance.
I'll write to him a very taunting letter,
And thou shalt bear it. Wilt thou, Silvius?

Funny Movie Monologues

Here are some funny monologues from movies. Although, the list of funny movie monologues is exhaustive, mentioned below are some of the selected funny monologues.

Hitch: Here is a funny monologue for men where the character Alfred Hitchens (Will Smith) describes what he does, as a job, in an awesome style.

Basic Principles - no woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" Now, she might say "This is a really bad time for me," or something like "I just need some space," or my personal favorite "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? 'Cause she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly "Try harder, stupid," but which one is it? 60% of all human communication is non-verbal, body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth. Of course she's going to lie to you! She's a nice person! She doesn't want to hurt your feelings! What else she going to say? She doesn't even know you... yet. Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom.

Curse of the Pharaoh's Kiss: A full length comedy written by Wade Bradford, that has been set in 1930s era, is a tribute to adventure serials of Hollywood's golden age. In the scene, Veronica Melville, the character, is trapped in a tomb of an ancient pharaoh. To kill time, she speaks to a sailor, whom she just met, what she looks for in a perfect man.

What do I look for in a man? Oh, what every simple woman wants, I suppose. A man who is kind, and who is honest, unless of course his honesty would be unkind, then he should be diplomatic, but still firm, both in integrity and physique. He should be devilishly handsome and angelically humble. And whether it be the rolling seas or the towering skyscrapers, he should love his work, and love it even more when he rushes home to ask how my day has been. The sort of man who can laugh fondly at a memorial service, shed a tear at a wedding, and cry openly after making passionate love. As a lover we would be gentle but rough, ruggedly soft yet delicately rigid. He loves the great outdoors, animals, large families, and pasta. He enjoys wearing sweaters, despises the color aqua-marine, and eats pineapple for breakfast every Sunday morning. He whistles showtunes, donates spare change to organ grinder monkeys, and makes a wish during every lunar eclipse. He has never known the pain of a broken heart, nor has he ever sprained his wrist while moving furniture, though he does suffer from tennis elbow and he gets dreadfully angry at crossword puzzles, and he has the sweetest smile in the entire world. (Pause.) Oh, and he's rich.

High Fidelity(2000) Rob Gordon: Here is another funny monologue, from the American Comedy drama movie, High Fidelity.

What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

Funny Monologues for Teenagers

Here is a funny monologue for teenagers.

Kevin's girlfriend, Maria recently broke up with him because Kevin couldn't come to meet Maria and was at Stephenie's house. Stephenie is their batch-mate and a friend of Kevin. Here is how Kevin, tries to explain Maria, though he gets every word wrong. Have fun reading this funny monologue.

Kevin: Hey Maria. Oh C'mon dear. Can't I talk to you for just a minute? Look, I know I was a jerk -(beat). Okay, a major jerk. I mean 100% jerk. And I really don't blame you for dumping me. Well, just a little. More than a little. Joke - Joke, that was a joke! I'm seriously sorry for not coming to you last weekend. But I did that because, you know, Stephenie was not well. I mean I'm not her care taker. I mean the real reason is. Well, I'll tell you. The real reason is she was lonely, all alone. Well, not because what you think. Wait! Wait Maria! She was lonely because she broke up with John, she was getting into depression. She promised me a good time. Wait Maria, that was what I didn't mean. I didn't sleep with her. She didn't want to. Okay, what I'm saying? I mean we both didn't want to. Hold up! Well, we're just friends. Well, I want to say that she wanted me to spend the night and I wanted to be with her. Not be with her, but be alongside her, as a friend, just as a friend. Maria, you're getting me, baby. Listen, this is all coming out to be wrong. I love you, Maria. I mean LOVE begins with you and doesn't end on you! Well, that means you've taught me the meaning of love, it's expanding, always. Maria, Maria, wait.. (Maria listens and then moves back) don't leave....Maria..it's just coming wrong...I don't know why...

Hopefully, through these funny monologues, you must have got some idea about how interesting and jovial these monologues can be, if delivered with proper body language on theater stages and while college drama competitions. By researching on the internet, you can come up with various funny monologues and enjoy performing them!