Funny German Phrases

Of course when one of these grand mountain ranges goes stretching across
the printed page, it adorns and ennobles that literary landscape but at
the same time it is a great distress to the new student, for it blocks up
his way; ...
~ Mark Twain

Well, when Mark Twain speaks about grand mountain ranges in the quote above, he is obviously referring to German phrases and sentences that are composed of mammoth German words like generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen, waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen, stadtverordnetenversammlungen, etc. Well, if you're not yet appalled by this almost-frightening introduction to the long-words-happy German language (I salute your courage, pal!), here is a list of funny German phrases and sayings that are great for lightening up the atmosphere even as the gigantic terminology weighs down the vocabulary!

Funny German Sayings and Phrases

Here is a list of funny German phrases and sayings along with their meanings in English. Be careful with the meaning unless you want to end up as John F. Kennedy who, while trying his hands (or should it be tongue?) at German, ended up saying I am a donut while actually trying to sayI am a person of Berlin! Check out these hilarious German sayings!

German Phrase	English Translation
Sind Sie dribbeln oder haben Sie Tollwut?	Are you dribbling or do you have rabies?
Sich vor Angst in die Hose scheißen	Shitting my pants (an idiom for being terribly afraid)
Die Sau rauslassen	Let their hair down
Vor den Vatern sterben die Söhne	Young men expire before their fathers do
Standen die Haare zu Berge	Hair stood on the ends (as in hair-raising fact or hair-raising situation)
Er hat Haare auf den Zähnen	He has all the answers
Ihre Mutter säugt Schweine	Your mother suckles pigs (perhaps a German Yo Mama variant!)
Sie sind ebenso schmutzig wie Toilettenpapier	You are just as dirty as toilet paper (obviously after wiping.......you know what! Wink!)
Das Leben ist wie ein Kinderhemd--kurz und beschissen	You are like a kid's shirt--short and lousy.
Derjenige, der die Piper spielt, schafft an.	The one who plays the piper calls the tune.
Der Beweis des Puddings ist im Essen	The proof of the pudding is in the eating (popular English proverb)
Nie schneller als dein Schutzengel fliegen kann fahren!	Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly!
Wenn Schweine fliegen	When pigs fly (meaning something impossible or fantastical)
aufwachsen!	Grow up!
Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei.	Everything comes to an end, only the sausage has two.
Die Axt im Haus erspart den Zimmermann.	An ax in the house keeps the carpenter away.
Wer Bären fangen will, muss sich mit Hönig versehen.	Who wants to catch bears, must be provided with honey.
Wie ein Bock stinken	Stink like a goat
Gegen Dummheit gibt es keine Pillen	no medicine (pills) can cure stupidity
Das Ei will kluger als die Henne sein.	The egg will be smarter than the hen (young people are smarter than their previous generations)
Ich bin nicht von Gestern	I wasn't born yesterday (I have more experience than you think)
Er/Sie hat eine scharfe Zunge	He/she has a sharp tongue.
Erschrocken mich so sehr, dass ich meine Hose nass	Scared me so much that i wet my pants.

Common German Phrases

Here is a list of common German phrases and knowing these would prove invaluable on your first trip to Germany!

Common German Phrases	English Translation
Guten Morgen	Good Morning
Gute Nacht	Good Night
Ich heiße	My name is
Wie heißen Sie?	What is your name?
Guten Abend	Good Evening
Danke	Thank you
Bitte	Please
Wie geht es Ihnen?	How are you?
Mir geht es gut, danke!	Fine, thank you!
Wo ist ...? (when asking for directions to a place)	Where is ...? (name of the place)
Links	Left
Rechts	Right

Those were some funny German phrases as well as some common German terms and conversation initiators that would definitely help people who are about to have their first German encounter. Brushing up on your German would definitely help you better explore and understand the culture of this amazingly hospitable European country. Wünsche Ihnen alles Gute mit Ihrer deutschen!!