Funny Excuses

An excuse, in this context, is a justification given for one's action or non-action. It is offered as grounds for being excused or exempted, either from action/non-action or from the consequences/possible prosecution thereof. Here, I would like to quote Serj Tankian, who exemplified excuse with unmatched ease when he said, "We first fought the heathens in the name of religion, then Communism, and now in the name of drugs and terrorism. Our excuses for global domination always change." Speaking of excuses, these can find their way into the day-to-day life of the common populace - be it students, employees, housewives, spouses, lovers, etc. Let us zoom in on some prominent situations and enjoy some popular and original excuses that are dished out impromptu. More often than not, these turn out to be anything from creatively funny to outrageously ridiculous!

Funny Excuses for Not Doing Homework
The commonest cannot-submit-homework/project excuse has perhaps been heard by most of us. This excuse is most often given by primary to middle school children. This is how it goes,"I had completed the homework/ project last night but my dog ate it this morning." Some more popular and ingeniously funny homework excuses are enlisted below.

• I made it(my homework) into a paper plane and it got hijacked!
• My calculator is solar-powered but it was cloudy all day yesterday.
• I was participating in a rally last night, demanding better pay and working conditions for our teachers.
• It is against my spiritual beliefs to do homework on a day that ends with a 'y'.
• My family is facing food shortage and paper contains necessary dietary fibers!
• I had some maverick ideas but I did not put them down on paper as I feared they would be too revolutionary for you to understand!
• Would $50.00 be sufficient to buy me another day for the assignment?
• I am an environmentalist who believes doing homework encourages lumber-jacking.
• Shirley took it and put her own name on it!
• I was unable to write yesterday, I don't understand it, my hand just refused to write. It was like it had a mind of its own, it just wouldn't listen to me!
• I didn't do it because I didn't want to further burden my already burdened teacher.
• You asked me to solve the questions, you never asked me to submit them today!!
• The housekeeper vacuumed it away!
• The assignment gave me a motivational crisis, so I went for the rides instead.

There is no dearth of creativity in students, especially when it comes to churning out excuses for not doing or submitting homework. The above is just a peek into how original young minds can get to save their skin from the faculty!

Funny Excuses for Being Late to Class
Been up all night watching that action thriller? Overslept this morning? Believe me, whatever the reason, the following excuses can save your day as well as give you the laughs later when you reminisce over these instances!

• I got a nosebleed in the morning!
• I tripped over grandma and she lost her dentures; I had been looking for them all morning!
• I had a wardrobe malfunction on my way to school and had to run back home to change into new pants!
• I was duct taped to the bed by my older brother this morning; you see, he is a great fan of reality shows and keeps trying out tasks with various difficulty levels on me!
• I had this conflict going on within me regarding whether to exhibit herd mentality by attending class or whether to take a more individualistic decision of skipping school; I chose the former but the decision-making process was lengthy and complex.

Outrageous Excuses for Not Going to School
Heard about that new Japanese circus in town that is staying for just one day? Been up all night sharing the latest campus gossip on the phone? Haven't done the homework assigned by the most ferocious faculty in school? Well, well, desperate situations call for desperate excuses! Read on for some atrociously desperate and hilarious excuses for not going to school.

• My nose bled gallons and I had to go in for a transfusion!
• I am scheduled for a school-stress counseling session today.
• I went in for a classroom-tolerance-enhancement surgery yesterday.
• I am not going to tell you the reason for my absence; I am doing so in accordance with my rights as a citizen to enjoy privacy in all matters in which the rights of others are not violated.
• I felt guilty leaving my cat at home, all alone.

Funny Excuses for Being Late
Late for that important presentation? Not in time for the exams? Reached home 3 hours late on your anniversary? It's screw-time, folks!! Read the following list to get some ideas on how to dodge the missiles when delay has reduced you to resemble Saddam Hussein on the wrong end of the deal.

• My alarm clock broke.
• My husband/wife likes playing with me and hides my car keys every morning!
• I was abducted by aliens. They conducted experiments on me all through last night. I only just got freed!
• I was late because my dad was thrashing my kid brother with my shoes.
• My parrot died so I was planning its funeral.
• I dreamed that I was fired, so I didn't bother waking up!
• Someone was following me so I had to take a longer route to throw him off.
• My neighbor put a spell on me so that I forgot all about you!
• My boss is obsessed with me! He just wouldn't let me leave (ideal excuse when you are late from office on your anniversary or that special date).
• My niece playfully dialed 911 and the police kept grilling me to tell them what really happened!

Funny Excuses to Get Out of Work
Got to go to that baseball match tomorrow? Need to take a half day for a date that suddenly got hitched? Or just plain bored with work and want the day off? Whatever your reason, there is always an assortment of excuses you can fall back on to skip the rest of the day! Following are a few examples of excuses to get out of work.

• My bank called and they are taking my home theater away for not paying the installments!
• Oh God! I am suddenly getting these awful stomach cramps!!
• My neighbor just called to tell me that my house is on fire!!
• My cat is on heat and I left the kitchen window open!
• My cat is depressed and has an appointment with the shrink this afternoon.
• Help me! I am getting suicidal thoughts! Monotony often does that to me...

Odd Excuses for Not Going to Work
Partied too hard last night? In-laws paid a surprise visit? Well, here go some work excuses for those who wish to dodge the entire working day!

• Constipation has reduced me to a walking time-bomb!
• I fell off my bed this morning and broke a tooth. I'm off to the dentist's to get it cast.
• It's a beautiful morning and I feel like celebrating Nature Day today!
• I'm feeling suicidal today and I don't want any of you (at office) to be in any way involved in triggering my impulse!
• I had bad dream about you (boss) getting killed trying to save me from a speeding tea trolley; not that my dreams come true, but I would rather not take the chance!
• December 2012 is just a few months away and I need a few days off to prepare for it.

The excuses for not going to work can be wickedly creative and funny. The more original you are, the funnier fare you churn out!

Weird Excuses for Not Going on a Date
What if someone you are not interested in asks you out? Yes, yes, you know it; excuses are your first line of defense! Let us scan through some odd excuses to dodge a date.

• I promised my dog that I would floss him today.
• I have a contagious fungal infection.
• I am participating in the dragon-breath contest today!
• I have always dreamed of leading you down the aisle, not waiting for you at the other end!
• My cat doesn't approve of you
• I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
• I was asked out by Brad Pitt (Angelina Jolie for guys!) once; I would hate to make you feel inadequate by constantly thinking about it.

Silly Excuses for Speeding
Got the need for speed but repelled by the thought of a ticket? The following may help or may bring up some memories!

• I completely missed the speedometer!
• I gotta get home before my bladder bursts!
• I am late for the church and I don't want to end up in hell!
• I overdosed on adrenaline this morning!
• I am chasing the burglar who broke into my house as I would hate to bother the police!
• My astrologer told me that my soulmate would be a man in uniform. Hey, you're wearing one and you don't look too bad either (throwing in a flirtatious smirk and raising an eyebrow may help further :P)!

Excuses are used widely as quick fixes for patching up difficult or unsavory situations. However, making excuses should not become a habit. The more you perfect the art of making excuses, the more you compromise on your ability to deliver on commitments. Anyway, to conclude this write up on a lighter vein, I would like to garnish it by sprinkling a couple of my own verses:

Stuck in a dire strait? Conjure an excuse!
It could save you a rainy day, make troubles diffuse!

But make it not a habit, fall not a prey,
Because, in the end, it is yourself that you betray!