Funeral - What to Say

"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death."

~ Unknown

A funeral is undoubtedly one of the saddest occasions which a man is obliged to go through. It is the one place where your words, your conduct and your etiquette has to be absolutely perfect. One little mistake will be interpreted by others as a show of carelessness and it is best that you learn the proper etiquette before going, rather than be seen as a gauche by those around you.

What You Can Say at a Funeral

In this article I'm going to point out some of the dos and don'ts at a funeral.

Do

• If this is the first funeral you're attending and do not know what to do, it is best that you stay away from the proceedings. Stay quiet and leave the talking and giving condolence to those who're good at it. Stay anonymous.
• If you feel obliged to say a few words to the grieving family, be sure to keep it short and simple. Just say that you feel really sorry and move on.
• If you are asked to do a eulogy, do it, but again, keep it short and simple. Just say how much that person meant to you and how you'll miss him and get it over with.
• All the while, look sad. Any sign of humor or even a faint smile stands to be misinterpreted. If this is your first time attending a funeral, perhaps it is pertinent to stay away from the immediate relations of the deceased.
• And if you're still unsure of how you will be able to conduct yourself at a funeral, stay home!

Don't

• Most people tend to feign emotions by overdoing it. It is irritating for the grieving family and for the others.
• Do not talk too much. The best thing to do is say what you have to and then move out of the picture.
• Do not hover around the immediate family of the deceased. The grief is theirs and they'll handle it just fine.
• Do not engage in a conversation, especially one related to business or relationships and least related to illnesses which the deceased suffered from.
• Don't try to disparage their loss by saying things like, 'at least he died painless' or 'he's moved on to a better place'. They know their loss best.
• There will always be people to cheer up the family of the deceased person, so if this is your first funeral and humor is not really your thing, this is not the place where you can hand your previously untested sense of humor a debut appearance.
• Do not ask the family of the deceased, 'oh, how did he die?'. Find other sources for this piece of information.

Examples of Funeral Sayings

Here are some, short harmless words you could say to the family of the deceased.

• I am so sorry.
• I can understand your grief.
• Can I get you something?
• If you need anything, you can always come to us.
• Is there anything you need?

They say actions speak louder than words, so you could probably just slip in some flowers with a poem instead of having to go ahead and actually say some words.

It can so happen that you'd still be unclear about it because you care about not hurting anyone's feelings. In that case, sometimes, instead of worrying what you need to say to a family which has lost someone they truly loved, perhaps it is best to keep your silence.