Freedom from Obsession

Have you ever lost hours mulling over, "I should have said that," or "What did he mean when he told me that?" How about a messy breakup, or a frustrated romantic interest? It can be either exciting or enslaving, but thinking these redundant thoughts can steal hours, weeks or months of your precious time, your energy, ruin relationships, and make you oblivious to new opportunities to expand your life. I know I have. I was shocked at how much time I had wasted, mulling over a situation that was beyond my control. Well, I discovered an easy way to stop obsessive thinking. It has worked for me for years, so I know it is practical and effective. I hope this technique can help you free yourself, take charge of your life, and move on to better things.

What is Obsessive Thinking?

Emotional obsession is the relentless urge to think about an issue. It is a thinking habit in which unwanted and intrusive thoughts assume a circular pattern. An event, highly emotionally charged, is replayed in the mind. It can also include the anticipation of a future event. The anticipated event, once imagined, becomes a part of your emotional past. You begin with a hurtful or enticing comment, remembered or anticipated action, proceed through the event in the same order as the event was experienced or is imagined, and finish without conclusion or resolution. Because of this lack of closure, you feel compelled to review the same event again. As the event becomes more familiar, some details are dropped, and the thinking pattern becomes more constrained. This develops into circular thinking, which spirals down into a foreshortened and irresistible mental habit, like a mental itch that needs to be scratched.

The Significance of Obsessive Thinking

How bad is this problem? This mental habit is based on insecurity. Another person’s opinion overwhelms your own. This attacks your sense of identity. How can this be?

Emotions are a strong aspect of our memories. We rarely dwell on trivial daily events, but are drawn to think about the things that make us feel. Emotionally noteworthy moments give our lives color and significance, adds to and shapes our identity, and is strengthened when we review. We maintain our sense of self through our memories over time, making adjustments with new experience. Emotional review is only harmful when it intrudes on our daily practical life and personal growth, and seems to be neither controllable nor resolvable.

The key to overcoming obsession is to recognize that it is a mental habit. Any habit can be managed and changed. By doing so, you can enhance your self-esteem, independence, and sense of identity. You become your own master!

Self-observation

First, observe your thoughts as if you were not involved. Do not judge yourself or try to make changes at this point. Instead, learn from them. You should look for triggers and patterns. What triggers these thoughts? Are there many triggers? Do environmental factors, such as certain locations, situations or people, or mental factors, such as memories or moods set off emotional review? For example, do you imagine many scenarios, or do you replay the same event? Do you follow the same pattern, or do you skip steps as the event becomes increasingly familiar? Do you end your cycle of thoughts with a question or a vengeful retort, which still fails to satisfy? Are the triggers avoidable or changeable? By becoming aware of the nature of your thinking pattern and the things that activate it, you can become more aware of it as a habit, which you can change.

Find the Lesson

Next, learn from this habit. It can still be of benefit to you, if you learn from it. Ask yourself why it bothers or entrances you. Be honest! Then imagine that it never happened. How would your feelings and circumstances be different? The lesson can sometimes be uncovered by imagining how you would be different if it had never happened. Simply learning the hidden significance of an event can help you understand why it happened, its personal significance for you. This can provide you with a resolution.

Now you have obtained the maximum benefit from this event, it is time to change your habit. You will be able to let go of this intrusive and unwanted mental house guest if you realize that it can no longer benefit you. It will be easier to change your habit. This can be a multi-stage task, but easy to do. Any or all of the following can bring relief.

Change the Habit

First, derail the entire thought process from its inception. If possible, avoid the triggers. If a certain restaurant reminds you of an unpleasant scene, do not go there. If a sort of emotion triggers resentful thoughts, set up distractors to change your emotions, such as keeping a magazine or book handy, doing 10 push ups on the spot or going for a walk. Simple physical exertion or a change in location can change your mood.

If the triggers cannot be avoided, then the next step is to interrupt the thought pattern, by thinking, "What started this?" The effort to reconstruct the origin of the cycle is often distracting enough to prevent its progression. This sounds too simple to work, but this is the technique that I discovered, and it is astoundingly effective. Sometimes this is all you need to do.

If the obsessive thoughts prove too resistant to derail or interrupt, try rearranging details of the event. Some details might stand out as particularly troublesome or enticing. Change these pivotal details by adding absurdities: A shouting boss wearing only boxers, a nasty comment cut short by the sudden appearance of a bee – humor can defuse any intense situation, rendering it powerless to hurt or enslave.

Maintaining Your Freedom

Once you have followed any or all of the preceding steps, your obsessive thought process should be sufficiently disrupted to allow a change of thinking. Merely stopping an obsessive cycle is not enough; if you want to change a habit, it helps to replace it with more beneficial ones. Any changes, even minor ones, will be helpful. Distract your thoughts by new experiences, or become absorbed in familiar but loved routines. They should be mentally absorbing or challenging, and could be as simple as crossword puzzles, a new book, an audio book, or a new video game. Make small changes in your daily routine, and as soon as you get used to those changes, change again. Keep your mind off-balance and away from the old, unwelcome mental routines.

Give yourself three weeks to rest from your obsession - it takes about three weeks to reset any habit. After that, you can look back at the experience and learn how it helped you. You can acknowledge whether or not the issue is resolvable or not, consolidate your new knowledge, understand how it influenced you, and move on. Just do not dwell on it!

Obsession results from the desire to control a situation that cannot be controlled: Other people and past or future events. You can only control your own emotions and thoughts in the present moment. Now is the absolute point of your personal power. Some events can never be resolved, and when you realize and accept that, you can move on. Some things will always remain a mystery. Once you can resolve the obsessive cycle of thought itself, you can look over the path it took and see how much energy and time were wasted. You can appreciate your freed-up energy and time. As a result, you will enhance your sense of self-determination, personal growth, confidence and identity. You can take charge of your life!