Four Pirates of Grief, Floating on a Leaf

Have you ever met the four pirates of grief?
They float the seven seas on a tiny green leaf
Two of them wear fearsome pirate eye patches
And all of them detest trusty treasure chest latches

One has a sharp object stuck in his good eye
Another plays the accordion and then starts to cry
Another one thinks that life is just a grand farce
So he contemplates his navel while reclining on his arse

And why are they so feared, these four pirates of grief?
As they bob 'round the seven seas on a tiny green leaf?
It's because, though small they may be
They have magical power, don't you see?

Two have but one good eye in their head
These may be good eyes but they choose to be evil instead
With one frightful glance from those eyes dark and sooty
Rich and powerful merchant ships become pirate booty

The one who plays the accordion and cries
Makes you feel so sorry for him with his lies
You may be tempted to stop and assist
Then he'll pull out his pistol and add you to his list

And the one who opines that the world is a farce
Is a spider, observing his navel while flat on his arse
He's by far the worst because he'll offer to debate you
And before you are aware, well, the spider just ate you

So if you encounter cute little pirates of grief
Bobbing around the seven seas on a leaf
My advice to you is to swim for your life
Back to your home, your kids, and your wife!

Don't think to help pirates, they aren't in jeopardy
It's you who's in danger so don't be foolhardy
Or you'll soon find out that their size doesn't matter
Because pirates are pirates whether thinner or fatter