Forever and Ever, Remember?

You told me you still wanted to be friends, that you were never going to forget what we had...

But why would that help? How would that help me when every time I see your face I physically feel pain. It starts in my gut, and it builds and it builds until it reaches my heart. I remember when we said goodbye by my doorstep. I had gotten you a cab and I asked if you wanted me to ride with you to make sure you got home safe. It was awkward, you smiled a quick smile and said of course not, "I'd be fine." I knew that you would be, but that cab ride with you would have been more for me than for you.

I wanted to understand why, to somehow try to win you back. Instead we embraced, it would be the last time I would ever be that close to you and I walked away before you even drove off because I didn't want you to see the tears in my eyes. Real tears. Tears that come from a well I hadn't visited since I was a kid.

I'm about to see you again soon. It's been on my mind for quite some time now. I wonder if it has been for you too. In my mind I picture me being strong, smiling when I see you, saying hi, telling you, you look great. Pretending like you were just another old friend. In my fantasy, we got to talking, and I lightheartedly tell you that I've been fine, that I'm completely over you. But the truth of the matter is, I think about you everyday. My nights are cold and my days, a blur. Every girl I see I compare to you and they never measure up because none are like you. It was supposed to be you and me, forever and ever. Remember that? I don't know how I'll ever be strong again. Please, please come back.