Flicker of Hope Chapter 9

For better or worse, through thick and thin,
I'll be there by your side
sharing the laughter and the tears
through life's uncertain ride.

We don't know what the future has
in store for you and me
but this I know, without a doubt,
the best is yet to be.
…………..

"I, Tanner William, take you, Emily Anna Johnson, to be my wife, according to God’s holy decree: to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do we part: and to that I pledge you my faithfulness." His voice was filled with something unknown and it rang clear, and perfect in the silent chapel room. He was looking at me with those clear bright eyes as he said this.

"I Emily, take you Tanner William, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness." Somehow I knew that I meant everything I said. It was a promise I was going to keep no matter how hard it was going to be or what it cost me.

After we made our vows and exchange rings, the minister announced us as husband and wife: Mr. and Mrs. William. The name gave me chills. I had never thought I will ever receive that last name. My last name was the only sign left of my parents, and that too was gone, but I didn’t mind. If my parents didn’t want me, it was better this way, and plus, having Tanner’s last name didn’t seem so bad.

"You may kiss your bride," Tanner gently lift my chin, and I looked directly into his eyes, to get a hint of what he was feeling. I was nervous, and excited at the same time.

Was it wrong of me to feel so about him when we barely even know each other? But that thought was soon dismissed when I saw the look in his eyes.

His expression was just as tender as his touch. I didn’t have to remember that I had to kiss him; it was more like I wanted to kiss him. His soft lips were just so near me, and there was nothing I wanted more than to have a taste of it. He was still looking into my eyes, but his gaze slowly turned to my lips. Slowly, and ever so gently, he pressed his lips to mine. It was all he had to do before I threw my arms around his neck, and pressed my body close to his.

When his lips touched mine that was when the fireworks started, not only all over my body, but the fire seemed to reach deep inside of me. It seemed like he was experiencing the same ecstasy that I was. He put his arms around my waist, and kissed me harder, and more passionately. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had kissed someone like this. Nothing I have experienced in my life could compare to what I was feeling. I was completely breathless, but I didn’t want to pull away. I wanted this to last, and the feel of his sweet lips were just irresistible. I had no idea how long we would have been like that, but an all too familiar voice interrupted us from the haven that we were so engrossed in.

"NOOOOOOO!!!" The scream was so loud that I would have covered my ears if not for the situation I was in.

There stood Jared in his pale blue T-shirt, and jeans. His expression was one of pain, shocked, anger, and everything that comes with that. He looked…… murderous. I have never seen him this angry before, but why was he acting like this? It wasn’t as if he was in love with me or something. He didn’t even like me. At least he didn’t like me in the way I wanted him to. But what was he doing here? Or more importantly HOW did he get here?

Tanner and I, we both seemed so hesitant to pull away from what we had shared but we simply had to. He raised eye brow, and he seemed a little confused. Even I was confused, why exactly was Jared here?

"What do you want?" I didn’t bother to hide my annoyance. He just ruined the best time of my life, and at this point, I was pretty mad at him.

"YOU MARRIED HIM?!" He was more like yelling this time. What was wrong with this guy? For a couple of months, he stayed away from me, and it was like I didn’t even exist to him and now……. He was acting as if he had any right to ask me that.

"SO?" My voice was just as furious as his was.

"I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" His eyes were flashing in pain and anger.

"I never said that I loved you; I only said that I had feelings for you and that I like you. Anyway that was a long time ago. I don’t think I have any explanation to give." I turned to see that Tanner’s eyes were filled with pain. Didn’t he believe me? "Tanner" My voice sounded soft as I said his name, and he looked at me with that same painful expression. "I only want to be with YOU." I couldn’t explain all that I felt for him, and it wasn’t the right time anyway. But I needed to say something to him so that he knew what he meant to me. The shadow in his eyes passed, and was replaced with some kind of happiness, or so it seemed to me. I could finally see joy in his eyes, and a spark of what I already felt. He slowly nodded, but his eyes refused to look away from mine. There were so many things written in his bright, clear eyes, and I felt my eyes answer all those questions that were unasked.

"But you can’t do this." This time, Jared’s voice was small, as if all the loudness was somehow gone. As much as I hated to look away from Tanner’s eyes, I simply had to make it clear to Jared.

"Listen Jared," my voice was a little soft as I spoke to him. The softness in my voice didn’t come as naturally as it was with Tanner; I had to practically force myself to be nice to him, and explain everything sweetly. "I am happily married and I don’t want to trade that for anything in the world." I couldn’t believe I was saying this. The circumstance in which this marriage happened wasn’t the best one, and yet, I found myself believing that it was going to be that way. "I just had a tiny crush on you. I mean, okay, it was a pretty big crush, but nothing more than that. The day I made it clear that I had feelings for you, and the day that you turned away, I closed the Jared book from my life. Though it took time, I am over you, and now I have moved on. Anyway, I thought you were going out with Lisa, why are you here? And how did you get here?"

It took him like a minute to compose, and answer my question. "I- I started having feelings for you just like a month ago, but I wanted to give myself some time just to be sure. I just didn’t feel right with Lisa like I did with you. I had felt comfortable with you, and I am sorry I took you for granted. Lisa told me that you had moved to Kelly’s apartment, but when I went there to tell you about my feelings, I found out that you were gone. But now, it seems its too late….." He didn’t have to finish his sentence. His eyes looked dull and sad. I felt sorry for him. He was a nice guy. Though I didn’t feel anything for him now, I could see why I liked him so much. Just a couple of months ago I felt like I couldn’t live without him, but now, everything seemed to settle down. But it still wasn’t fair for Jared. Well, it was his fault.

"Just know that………. I-I…." He shook his head, and I was glad that he didn’t finish his sentence. "Can we still be friends? Like the way we were before any of this started?"

"Of course, you will always be my best friend."

He let out a sign of relief, and made a weak attempt of smiling. "I am sorry for yelling. It’s just that I was surprised. It all happened so suddenly. I am really sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like that. I just missed you so much, and I just wanted to see you. I am sorry and-"Now, he was blabbering. But there was something in his words that gave me a look of what he was feeling.

"It’s okay J. No harm done. We will always be best friends." I tried to smile but it wasn’t really working. I felt so bad. I just wished I could do something for him. I just can’t NOT see him like this.

"Then I guess I will see you around. And I am sorry for…. before." I nodded mutely. I knew that if I said even a word, my voice will crack.

"Can I?" I nodded, and he kissed both of my cheeks. "Love you," he whispered so that only I could hear him, and then he slowly walked away.