Flicker of Hope - Chapter 20 Part 1

I know that it has taken me like FOREVER to get this out, and I don’t want to make any excuse about my carelessness. The truth is that I just couldn’t bring myself to type anything. After I finish with this, I am going to take a break from posting on Buzzle. I will only post story after I have everything planned.

And I am really sorry to make you guys wait. I know how it feels to wait. Trust me, I know.

Anyway, there is going to be part 2 of this chapter which I will try to post soon but no promises. I hate breaking a promise. So please encourage me with your lovely comments, and let me know if this story is getting to you in any way.

Enjoy the chapter!
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Emily´s POV
I got a call from Jared at exactly 6 A.M., and I was debating on whether I should answer it or not, but the choice was made when I felt Tanner stir beside me. I took the phone from the table, and walked outside the bedroom to the living room with my robe in my hand.

"What?" My sleepy voice did a very good job of showing my irritation at him. I mean, it wasn’t everyday that I receive his call, but lately it was getting annoying.

"I am sorry to call you this early, but this was important." The soft tone of his voice, and his words made me feel almost guilty. Almost.

"What is it?"

"Why do you have to be so straightforward? Why cant it just be like the way it was before?"

Was this guy for real? I mean, who calls someone so early in the morning just so they could talk me into something that I am clearly not interested in? When was this guy going to learn the basic fact of life? When it’s too late, you can’t do anything about it. It’s just too late.

"Just leave me alone. It is not going to work."

"I really need to talk to you. Can you please meet me at the coffee shop where we usually hung out?"

"Is it even open yet?" I was really sleepy, and I wasn’t entirely sure what I was saying.

I could hear him chuckle. "It always opens at 6. You know the way, and I am waiting for you to co-"

"What makes you think I am going to come?" I interrupted.

He seemed surprised. "I thought so. Is it such a big deal to just have a cup of coffee with me?"

"But your intentions might not be good," I murmured to myself. I was voicing my thoughts out loud, but it didn’t really matter.

He laughed. "We are just friends, or are you afraid there is something more?"

I ignored him. "Why did you have to call so early?"

"I thought you would want me to, or do you want me to call you in front of Tanner?" He was being his cocky self again.

I don’t know what came up to me, but I felt the need to give in. "Okay, I will see you then."

He signed, and I smiled. Maybe I will be able to get the old friendship back? I don’t know what I was doing. It didn’t seem like such a bad idea. Tanner was sleeping, anyway. It wasn’t as if I was having an affair. That will never happen. I loved my husband way too much for that. He was my life, and I would never willingly leave him.

I went back to our room, and watched him sleep for a couple of minutes before getting ready to go. I kissed him slowly on the cheek, and wrote a quick note for him in case he woke up. I couldn’t tell him that I was going to go meet Jared. He might take it the wrong way, and I would be back before he was awake. I slowly caressed his cheek- a part of me wishing that he will wake up and take me in his arms, stopping me from leaving.

It wasn’t as if I wasn’t going to see him again. If he was still willing, I would happily stay with him for the rest of my life.

I finally managed to leave the room with one last look at him. What was wrong with me? I was being very stupid. I was going to be back soon, and I was going to see him for the rest of my life, or I hoped so. But why was I suddenly afraid to leave him- even for just an hour? Well, the answer was pretty obvious. This was love. Love was driving me crazy.

I made my way to Tanner´s car, and I had already taken the key from his pocket. I knew he didn’t mind. I was going to use his car until I got a new one for myself. Actually I liked using his car. It somehow smelled like him, and it felt like him.

Why was I thinking so much about Tanner when I am going to meet Jared?

I guess thinking about Tanner always makes me smile. He just means so much to me. How will I ever be able to express my feelings for him? He is in my innermost thought, and he always clouds my mind. Oh God, I really do love him. Does he have any idea just how much I love him?

My thoughts drifted to him like it always did, and I silently drove without a hint of music or whatsoever. The thought of him was way better than any pleasing music, and he was better than anything in this world.

I was thinking of the first time I saw his beautiful face; the way he was trying to avoid me. Even then I was hurt, and even then, I knew I loved him somehow. He was just like the right one for me.

John gave me the best gift of my life: Tanner. I will never be able to thank him for what he has brought into my life.

Even the weeding- as unprepared as it was- was like a dream coming true. It was like a vision from a fairytale. Every moment with Tanner was like a dream.

I saw him waiting at the end of the aisle. It looked as if it happened yesterday instead of a couple of months. He had looked like the perfect groom, and he made even the marriage like that worth it. He had watched me with those gorgeous eyes of his, and he had made me a part of his life; a part of him. He had changed me just by simply being him.

And the moment his lips had touched mine, I was flying. Somewhere at the corner of my mind, I had known that this was where I belonged, and that the feeling was right.

I loved this man with everything I have. Even if he didn’t exactly feel the same way, I was going to love him forever.

I loved the feeling of loving him. I loved what he did to me. I just loved him so much that sometimes it just hurt. I probably was crazy, but I still loved this feeling.

I just love Tanner so much.

I was so engrossed in my own little world of memories that I hadn’t realize a truck moving towards my car with an inexplicable speed. It was just so fast that there was no time for me to react. I knew what was coming next. My entire life was going to be over in just a blink of seconds, and there was nothing I could do to stop that from happening.

Maybe this was my fate.

I had lived my life, and I had experienced everything I had ever wanted. I guess it was time my little world came crashing down on me.

The only thing that I was leaving behind was Tanner. If only I could see him one more time...................

The need to see him or even say a good bye was unbearable, but what could I really do? There was just no time now.

Everything seems to happen in a very slow motion. The truck was still coming, and I couldn’t move from the place I was in. I closed my eyes, not wishing to see my own death with my eyes.

And he was there.

Yes, it was Tanner. My love, my life, my everything. I could see his face with my eyes closed as if he was there standing in front of me. His enchanting face drew my attention towards him, and away from the pain, and suffering. I could feel my head hurting like it would just explode, but it didn’t matter. This was perfect. I could see him, and this was a place where I wanted to be.

I never wanted to leave him behind, but this was life. I wasn’t in control. There was nothing I could do.

I am sorry Tanner; I don’t think I have a choice here. I just want you to know that I love you, and I will love you even after this life is over. I will love you even after all is being said and done. This life was all I had, and I will love you until I drew my last breath, and even after that.....

I will never stop loving you Tanner.

I love you.

That was my last thought with his picture still running in my head. And everything went blurry, and the darkness consumed me.