Flicker of Hope - Chapter 14

First of all, thank you so much for your comments! I love them all. I didn't expect for you guys to like this story, but I am glad you do. :) You guys made my day! and I love you all!

I am going to Germany for a week, and when I will be back, I will try to get the chapters faster. So please have patience with me as you have always have, and I will try my best with the next chapters. It seems like this story is going to be longer than I thought it would be, but I don't regret it. lol.

Thank you so much for your love and support, and I am so glad to have you all.

And Ginger, thank you very much for commenting in almost all the chapters! You sure do know how to make me smile. :)

Keep your helpful comments coming! it really does encourage me to know the way you feel about this story.

I think this chapter is long, but then, I am going to be gone for a week so enjoy!

*
Chapter 14

Tanner slowly pulled away. "I need to take a shower." His smile was filled with warmth, and his eyes were bright, and happy. He kissed her hair one last time, and walked towards the bathroom.

Emily stared outside the window with her thoughts still of Tanner. He was being so important to her. She had let him get close to her in such a short amount of time and she wasn’t sure if she didn’t want it to go any further. With him around, she couldn’t remember all the thoughts about taking your time, and not moving too fast. She still couldn’t get enough of looking into his eyes, but she had to stop it before things started getting out of control.

She knew that Tanner wanted her, and probably even liked her, but that was all. His feelings weren’t as deep as hers were for him. He cared about her, liked her, wanted her, but all those emotions felt short compare to love. Just the simple 4 letter word held meaning, emotion, purpose, everything about her feelings for him. It was just so easy to fall in love with him. She could easily place her heart into a platter for him, offer it to him, and not ever regret it. She could willingly give her life for him, to see him happy, and never want it back. Her emotions for him ran so deep that the depth of it could easily drown anyone, but Tanner shouldn’t know that. She would give him some time to sort his feelings for her, instead of freaking him out with the depth of her emotion.

He was just the perfect guy that she had been searching for all her life. She realized that she was very thankful to John for marrying them and bringing them together. If he hadn’t brought them together, she knew that she would probably never have had the chance to be with Tanner. Every single moment with Tanner was special to her, and she promised herself that she will make out the best of their time. All her life she had been afraid to fall in love, but fall in love she did, and there was no going back now.

She had to hide her feelings from him. It was all too soon, and she knew him enough to know that she couldn’t tell her feelings immediately, and it would all have to wait. Falling in love was a pleasant, beautiful feeling, but waiting was a hard, harsh thing. She knew that she could do anything for him, and now was the time to be patient.

"What are you thinking?" Tanner whispered in her ear, and she jumped back. She tried her best to hide the love in her eyes though her heart was screaming to say the words.

"Um, nothing," she managed to let the words out.

Tanner just looked at her trying to read in her expression though nothing was readable.

"Don’t forget, we have our date today," He grinned, and without giving her a chance to speak, he walked away.

….--….--…

Tanner had taken her for a nice, quite, candle light dinner. The light from the candle flickered into Emily’s face, and he stayed there, watching her. He took her hand into his and kissed her fingers. He could feel her tense.

She was wearing a simple, elegant, green dress that gave a soft glow to her skin, highlighting her features so that one could only stare at them. He could easily get lost into her.

"You have been a little distant after morning, is everything okay?"

She nodded.

"You don’t like this?" He motioned towards their table.

"Of course I do. It’s really sweet of you to bring me here." Honesty was clearly visible in her eyes, and he knew she meant it.

"I am glad you like it," He leaned back in his chair, satisfied.

"Can I ask you something?" Emily was hesitant.

"Sure."

"Have you ever been in love?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

Tanner was silent for a while, and Emily regretted asking that question.

"Yes," he answered finally. His eyes took a distant look again, and Emily wanted to do something for him.

"What happened?" She asked softly.

Tanner turned his eyes towards her, all trace of humor gone. His beautiful face had become darker. "She was happy with someone else."

Emily was surprised. "And you just let her go."

Tanner didn’t say anything.

Emily could see that he really loved her, and it broke her heart to see him like this. If there was anything she could do to take away his pain, she would. In some way she was glad that he wasn’t still with that girl, or else she wouldn’t have got to be with him.

Emily didn’t try to hide her surprise at his words. How many people in this world can willingly leave someone they loved just because that person was happy with someone else? She knew that she wouldn’t be able to leave Tanner that easily.

He raised his one perfect eyebrow at her expression.

"How did you do that?" She asked, amazed.

"What?"

"Raise only one eyebrow; how did you do that?"

He raised his eyebrow again. Emily tried copying him but ended raising both of her eyebrows. Tanner chuckled watching her. Her attempts to copy him seemed to fail miserably.

"Darn!" she muttered. "You are going to have to teach me how to do that sometimes."

Tanner only smiled. She was glad that the sparkle in his eyes was back again.

After dinner, they walked hand in hand back to Tanner’s car. He opened the door for her, and after closing it, went to the driver’s side to open his own. In the way to home, they talked about their hobbies, interests, likes, dislikes, and their dreams. When they reached home, they were both quite. He opened the door for her, and they walked towards the apartment building. Tanner made sure not to touch her, sensing the mood. When they reached their apartment building, Tanner tried to lighten the mood.

"I guess this is where a guy kisses the girl goodnight, and walks away." Emily smiled. "Well, since we live in the same place, I can’t even do that." He laughed to himself, thinking that it was still hard to believe that he was married, and he was lucky enough to see her everyday. "But I can kiss you though." He lowered his face to hers, and watched her as she closed her eyes. He kissed her nose softly, and her cheeks. He slowly made his way to her lips, and lingered there, kissing her very lightly. She parted her lips, and he kissed her with more force and the same feelings seemed to be in the air. He couldn’t stop himself enough to open the door, and take her in. She finally pulled away. She grabbed the key from his pocket, and without looking at him, she opened the door, and stepped inside.

He grabbed her hand to stop her from walking away, and closed the door behind. His eyes were filled with passion and it was all for her. The need and desperation seemed to hung in the air, making them bond to each other.

Emily couldn’t walk away from him, nor could she walk closer. She had to keep her distance to make things work. She couldn’t let him know that her passion matched his own. Her heart was already his, as it was supposed to be with husband and wife, but she couldn’t let him hold more power over her, if that were even possible.

He put his head into her hair, and just held her. "I want you," he whispered in her ear, unable to say his feelings in some other way. He could feel her tense. She withdrew from him but he could sense that her need were just as big as his were.

"I don’t think it’s wise to rush things when we barely even known each other." With that she walked away. Tanner knew she was right, but his feelings and need for her were being hard to control. He respected her for her self control, and he wished that he could say the same about himself. He could still feel her in his arms, and he knew that if he stayed in the same room with her, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from getting close to her. He walked towards the bedroom, grabbed his pajamas, and walked away without looking at her though he could feel her gaze burning in his back. She was making him weak and he hated feeling this way. In some ways, it was new to him. Her reaction to him was different from any he had experience. Usually he was the one to stop when things were going out of control, but with her, it seemed almost impossible for him to stop himself.

Emily watched him as he walked away. Was he really so mad at her reaction that he walked away? She was just trying to control her newly found feelings for him, and she didn’t want him to know that she was already crazily in love with him. She feared his response when he would know how much he meant to her. And now she had made him mad, but she couldn’t even call him back. She shivered in the cold, missing his warmth. Though she wanted him more than words could describe, the need for his love was greater.

*
Tanner woke up to find her making pancakes. Her hair was tied messily in a bun, but he decided that he liked this side of her. She was wearing sweatpants, and a T-shirt that was too big for her. He frowned. Was she doing this on purpose? But one thing he knew for certain, the attraction between them wasn’t only physical. No matter what she wore, he wanted her just as much. She could try to keep him away, but it was impossible. And most importantly, she was his wife now. He breathed a sign of relief, and he was glad that he didn’t have to fight to get her. But will she want to live with him…. forever? Will she get tired of being with him? He could only hope that she would want him, and he knew that he wanted to see her and be with her for the rest of his life. In some ways, he was thankful to his old man. If it weren’t for him, Emily wouldn’t be in his kitchen, and with him. She probably had a long line of guys following behind her, and he was thankful that fate chose him for her, and made them together. He could never thank God enough for that.

Emily turned to see him studying her. She blushed, and it was clearly visible for Tanner to see it since her hair was in a bun, and the light wasn’t doing a good job to hide it.

Tanner smiled at her expression as if what had happened yesterday wasn’t really true. Emily had prayed most of last night that he wouldn’t be mad at her, but seeing him like this, made her realize that he wasn’t angry at her. She had thought of a several things to do for him to make it up to him, but it looked as if it wasn’t needed.

She smiled in return and Tanner felt his heart skip.

"I hope you like pancakes. I didn’t know what to cook, and I-"

"I do like pancakes," he cut in, and she smiled again, making his heart warm.

"You can sit in the table and I will serve your breakfast." He watched her return back to her cooking. Oh, God, what is she doing to me? He couldn’t take his mind off her, and his eyes followed her every move, and he felt completely drawn to her.

She walked back to the dinning table, and placed the pancake, and a glass of juice in front of him. He was still watching her, and when she turned her gaze to meet his, she blushed again.

"I-I need to d-do something," She was about to walk away, but Tanner caught her hand, and motioned for her to sit beside him. Tanner knew that he had felt something when he touched her, and if she did, she pretended not to notice.

He didn’t let go of her wrist even after she was seated in the table, but instead entwined his fingers with hers.

Emily felt herself wanting to do something to stop the contact. She tried to free her hand, but Tanner was way too strong, and he completely ignored her effort. "At least let me go back and get my food." Tanner slowly let go of her hands, and she signed in relief. He couldn’t know the effect he had on her.

When she was back, she stayed as far away from him as was possible in the small dinning table. She could see his lips forming a smile, but she chose to ignore it. She tried to pay attention to the food, but she couldn’t even take a simple bite.

Tanner turned his gaze from the table and stared at her.

"What?" She tried to sound angry.

"This is delicious," he motioned to the food without taking his eyes off her. She knew he was teasing her.

"I am glad you like it," she turned her gaze from him to the food, and took a bite. She wasn’t even sure how it tested since her mind wasn’t into the food in front of her, but instead her mind was filled with the guy who was staring at her. She couldn’t bring herself to finish the pancake when she could feel his bold gaze watching her every move. She took the plate from the table and dumped the pancake into the garbage. When she turned around, he was standing in front of her. She nearly fell by seeing him this close to her, but he put his arms around her, and stopped her from falling. He took the plate from her hand, and placed it in the table at the corner without removing his gaze from her. She only looked at him, not sure what she was to do.

A part of her wanted to get close to him, and other was afraid. He took both of her hand and placed it around his neck, and his arms secured around her waist. She couldn’t make anything else out as her gaze was secured in his. Only when he whirled her around did she realize that they were actually dancing. She couldn’t turn her gaze from his penetrating ones, and all she could think was him. At that point, she couldn’t even hide her feelings for him. She put her head into his chest, and hugged him close. She held him close and signed. There was something about the way he held her that she felt like she belonged to him. She felt as if his arms would protect her from everyone else. When Tanner slowly removed his arms from her, and wiped something moist from her eyes, did she realize that she was actually crying. "You okay?" He asked softly, and his voice made her cry even more.

"Oh, Tanner," she grabbed hold of his shirt. "I am afraid to get close to you," she confessed, her voice soft and small.

Tanner could sense it. "But I won’t hurt you." She looked at him with tears, and he realized that she was afraid that he would hurt her.

"Everything is moving so fast between us, and I can barely think straight. I don’t know what is happening." Another tear slipped from her soft, pale skin. He removed it with his thumb.

"I promise Emily, I will never hurt you." More tears flowed from her eyes, and he felt the need to do something for her, and to protect her. She was being so important to him, and he knew that he had allowed her to be a part of him.

"You might hurt me even without realizing you are doing so," She signed loudly. "I know I am being paranoid, but I can’t help myself. I don’t know how much I can put up to. I don’t know what to do anymore." She looked straight into his eyes. "I just can’t stay away from you, I want you more than you can ever know but you can never understand it."

"You don’t have to stay away from me, and I can’t stay away from you either. You probably don’t even know how much I want you."

"But you don’t understand!" She put both of her hands into his face, staring into his eyes, daring him to look away. "I love you."

She closed her eyes immediately after she spoke her heart out loud for him. She knew what his expression was going to be, and she removed her hand from his face. His expression would be one of confusion, and he wouldn’t know what to say to her. She had offered her heart to him, and he wouldn’t response to it. He wouldn’t know what to do. He didn’t feel the same way. Physical attraction was the only thing that he felt for her, and there probably wasn’t any emotional need attached to it. He didn’t feel the same way for her, and that was the truth, but then why was it so hard for her to accept the truth? He was the first guy she had ever loved, and he didn’t love her. Truth was staring right at her face, but it was still so hard to believe. She had taken the risk of loving him, and now, the pain waited. She didn’t dare open her eyes, and see the truth for herself.

The truth hurt too much…….