Flicker of Hope - Chapter 12

How did I let myself believe that we could even have a future together? Of course he had a girlfriend, what was I expected? But seeing him with someone was WAY worse than finding out that Jordon didn’t have any feelings for me. The pain that I felt inside of me, made me want to scream, cry, and just go crazy. It killed me to see him with her. Within seconds, tears made their ways from my eyes, and started falling more heavily, just like rain falling from the sky.

With in a second Tanner came running towards his bedroom- I didn’t dare call it our room as it seemed like this wasn’t a place for me at this point- and he was knocking, and begging even, for me to open the door.

"Please open the door, let me explain," he begged.

"Just go to your girlfriend, and leave me alone!" I screamed. I was just so hurt, and there was no way to pour that emotion except through my anger. I found myself being so mad at him, as if he had betrayed my trust, but I had known him for only 3 days, really. And these three days were probably the longest days of my life. I had absolutely no right to be mad at him or even scream at him, but in the very few days that I had come to know him, I had found it impossible to imagine myself without him. It was as if he always existed in my heart, and there wasn’t any me without him. Did he have any idea what he was doing to me?

We both had a different life before we knew each other, and if he had a girlfriend, why was I making a big deal? But she kissed him, and he kissed her. He betrayed me, and it hurt more than anything. I was already so crazy about him that I just couldn’t see him with someone else. I was falling for him so fast, but I had to stop myself from doing that.

"Baby, leave her alone," a female voice answered, her tone was just as irritating as she, herself was. I have never disliked someone as much as I did her.

"Can you leave me alone?" His voice was cold and I was surprised to hear that. Was he doing this for me? Did he really care that much? I smiled despite the tears in my eyes. I felt relived and happy. My mood seemed to change so fast, I could hardly believe it myself. This guy was completely changing my lifestyle in just a fast few days that he has come to know me.

"Just open the door!" His sounded angry. "I had no idea she was going to come, it’s not like it was my-"

I opened the door and stepped outside. He stopped his speech and just looked at me, REALLY looked at me. "You were crying?"

"Me? Not really. There was just something stuck in my eyes." I lied, but he just looked at me doubtfully. "So, is she your girlfriend or something?" I asked conversationally. We were both being quite, and I had to break the silence with the only question that was running in my head. I shouldn’t be surprised by finding that he had a girlfriend. I mean I have been through this all. It’s not the first time that I have liked a guy and he had liked someone else. If this keeps on going, I would probably get used to the idea that I don’t belong to anyone, and there can’t be anyone for me. This gorgeous guy, who was standing in front of, was the only one that I truly liked, but if he likes someone else, what can I really do to stop that? We were married in an unusual case which gives me no rights to get mad at him.

He snored. "She likes to think she is."

"But where is she?" I asked, hoping to hide my jealousy by acting as if I cared where she was.

His expression changed. Was it tenderness that I saw in his eyes? "She was really upset. I guess I was somewhat rude to her."

"What exactly is she to you??" I couldn’t help asking.

He laughed. "You are worried about that?" He laughed again. The sound was musical, and I realized that I liked it probably more than I should. His eyes were sparkling while he laughed, and I realized that he didn’t laugh very often.

"You look good when you laugh." Oops. I hadn’t realized that I was saying the words out loud instead of thinking it in my head. I just blurted the words without realizing what I was doing. I blushed at my stupidity, and he stopped short and just looked at me. I blushed even deeper; the look that he was giving me wasn’t helping either. At that point, I just wanted to hide myself somewhere. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I wonder what he thought of me blushing like an idiot when he only just looks at me. I was a very stupid, crazy fool.

"And you look good when you blush. Actually, the color really suits you. It makes you look very…… nice." I blushed even more if that I was actually possible. He laughed again, and the sound was very deep. I liked it…. a lot.

He slowly placed his hand in my cheek, and forced my chin up so that I would look in his blue-green eyes. "You don’t need to worry about her. There isn’t anything going between us, and there wasn’t anything between us. She has always tried to get close with me, but I always push her away. There was nothing between us, and there won’t be anything. Carrie was probably jealous when she saw you. She has tried to get close to me for a while, and seeing you in my apartment….. probably surprised her." He chuckled at the last part.

"But why didn’t you ever give her a chance?" I asked, curious.

His expression pained slightly before he masked his expression with one that of indifferent. "I didn’t want anyone in my life." His expression was honest, but the answer didn’t satisfy me, instead, I wanted to ask more questions. Are you ready to have someone in your life… now?

The questions were probably visible in my face so he interrupted me. "I need to shower, and change."

I guess my questions could wait.

After he came back from the bathroom, I had to force myself to look away from the temptation of seeing him only in the towel. The sight took my breath away, and I had to make sure that I wasn’t looking at him for that will surely ruin everything and I would probably end up throwing myself at him. What was up with me? Haven’t I seen a guy half naked before? What was the big deal? As hard as I tried to convince myself, my heart had taken an entirely different route. I was afraid that he would actually hear my heart pounding like an idiot that I was. I looked everywhere but at him. I took a towel and immediately ran to the bathroom, locked the door, and breathed a sign of relief. I had never felt like this with anyone before. How was I going to live under the same roof with him when I was already having a hard time trying to stop myself?

I stayed in the bathroom for a full hour, mostly because I was a little nervous to be outside, to see him. When I finally opened the bathroom door and went to "our" bedroom, I was relived to see that Tanner wasn’t there, but still, some part of me wondered where he was, so I peeked to the kitchen, and there he was, making sandwiches. I quickly changed into a blue skirt, and matching blouse. I dried my hair, and putted some eye liner on, and some lip gloss. My face was nothing extraordinary, and I wasn’t expecting it to be, but somehow, I felt like I needed to look good for Tanner. I was being really stupid; I had never acted like this before. How did he come to matter so much to me?

I hesitantly walked toward the living room, and sat at the table, waiting for him to come, and he did, with his hands filled with breakfast. It smelled absolutely delicious!

"Smells good," I commented, trying to concentrate on the food that was placed in front of me, instead of the person serving the food for me. It was going to be worse than I thought it would be. Living with someone like him, was going to very, very hard.

He smiled. "Why don’t you start with the food and tell me what you think?"

"Okay," I took I bite, and it was amazing. "I had no idea you could cook this good! Yummy!"

He chuckled. "There are a couple of things you don’t know about me," he replied earnestly.

I laughed. There are a lot of things I don’t know about you, but I sure would like to.

"I was thinking…." He hesitated.

"What?" He still seemed a little hesitant. "You can tell me anything, you know," I encouraged.

"Well…. I wanted to know if you would like to do something special tomorrow." My eyes nearly popped. "If you don’t want to, that’s okay. I mean, don’t feel like you have to. Just because our marriage didn’t happen in the way we wanted, doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice. You can do whatever you want. It’s really up to you. I just thought that it would be good for both of us if we took our relationship the normal way." He explained. "I can understand if you don’t want to go out with me, or-"

"No!" My voice was louder than it should have been. I could see his lips turning to his side, to form a smile, but he bit his bottom lip to stop from smiling. That was probably to save me from my embarrassment, and for that I was glad. "I mean, I think you are right. We should take this slower; that’s best for both of us." My voice was purposefully low this time; I didn’t want to scare him away when I so desperately wanted him.

He smiled, and this time, I had the advantage of seeing his eyes sort of sparkle when he looked at me.

Having a gorgeous husband was going to very tempting when we were both going to take things slow.

Behind the beautiful face, lived a man that was somehow not so happy with the world he lived in, and I was going to make sure that he kept on smiling, for his smile also made me smile. His happiness was somehow being my happiness. I felt myself contend to see him happy and smiling.