Flicker of Hope Chapter 10 Part 1

When he was in the halfway through the aisle, he turned. He slowly walked towards me. "But isn’t this kind of like all-of-a-sudden?" He motioned to the wedding. "I mean, there aren’t even any guests, or anything. You didn’t even invite anyone. It just doesn’t seem-"

I cut him off. "Jared, I think you have interrupted us enough as it is. I think you should just go." But seeing the hurt look in his eyes made me add, "But I will stay in touch. I will call you or something. We will catch up on what we missed." He finally smiled, though the sadness in his eyes wasn’t completely gone, it was still a smile, and it counted for something.

Then he walked away from me, and my life. Just like that. I mean I did promise him that we will remain friends, keep in touch, and all that, but it will be different. I will never see him the same way I did. I turned to look toward Tanner, and he looked somehow furious. What was up with this guy? Just a moment ago, I thought I made it clear to him that I was happy to be with him though this marriage was different and we barely know each other. I had thought that there was actually something between us, but was I mistaken? Was it just me? Didn’t he feel anything for me at all?

His hands were in a fist and he looked really furious. "Tanner…." I started, not sure where this was going. "You okay?"

He turned to look at me, and the look in his eyes made me winch. There were just too many painful emotions. I was surprised to see that. He blinked a couple of times, and he was back to normal. He flashed me a smile that somehow didn’t reach his eyes. "I am fine. I just remembered something from before."

My mouth made a "oh", but I couldn’t let the words out.

Just then we heard the coughing sound. We immediately turned to where John was sitting, in the front row. I almost forgot about him. Tanner and I, we both rushed to his sides in what seemed like no time at all.

"You okay?" We both asked at the same time. We turn to look at each other for a second, and turned our gaze back to John.

I had thought that John would start coughing again, and we will have to call an ambulance or something as serious as that. I was so afraid for the fear of loosing him that I hadn’t notice that he didn’t seem so bad. His face looked the same- deathly pale, but his expression seemed so….. lets just say, not sick.

And for the first time I realized that he had coughed to get our attention, not because he was sick. His expression was kind of smug.

"I told you, you two are just perfect for each other." His voice was back to normal, and I was surprised at the strength in his voice. His comment made me blush, but I was surprised that he didn’t say anything about Jared.

His expression changed, and I wasn’t sure what exactly it was. It looked like…. guilt, but why would he be guilty?

"Are you guys mad at me for this marriage?" His voice was hesitant, and he watched both of us with a strange expression.

I looked ate Tanner to see his expression. I wasn’t really mad at John. Actually I had never thought of getting mad at John, but Tanner’s case was different. For him, it might have been a bit different.

The feeling of his lips still lingering into mine, made it clear that I liked what he made me feel, but did he? As I watched him, the same question was written in his face. Did I regret any of this?

"I am not mad," I said. "But…. It just all took me by surprised. I mean, he probably doesn’t like all this when he could have someone better," I muttered the last part to myself, but unfortunately, he heard it.

"What did you say?" Tanner seemed shocked.

"Nothing." I said rather too quickly.

John looked at me, then to Tanner. "So are you mad at me?" The question was directed to Tanner who still seemed a little surprised.

There was a long pause which was breaking my heart. Fear of rejection crossed my mind. "Actually, I am not mad," he finally said.

He paused, meaning……….. "But do you regret this?" John asked, and I was so glad that he was the one who asked that question not me.

"No," his answer came out more quickly then I had expected. I was secretly happy, and just the right amount of hope was inside of me.

John smiled showing all his teeth. Slowly, and very carefully, he started rubbing his face. Tanner and I both looked at him with shock, anger…………………. betrayal….

He had white make up on his face that made him look so pale and sick. As he removed it, I watched him in horror. By taking the make up out, he looked more like himself and less like the almost-dying-man that made us do this whole thing for him. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. This whole transformation thing seemed like it belonged to some movie, not real life… not my life. But why did he do this?

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