Flicker of Hope - Chapter 15

Your comments made me smile and laugh. You guys know all the right things to say, and it makes me want to write like crazy. I am so happy and relieved that you guys like this story. That means a lot to me, and you have no idea how much I love you guys.
This chapter might me a little sad, but trust me; there are some good parts to come. I am trying to make it realistic, and the next chapter will be out some time tomorrow. I am almost done with it. It’s as if I have started writing immediately after coming from Germany, and that is kind of true. Going to Germany did help me write. The trip has helped me get fresh idea to complete this story and I am having ideas for a couple of different stories, but I will post them later after I have a lot written down, with the ending already planned. It helps me, and I hope you will enjoy this story.

Thank you very much for your comments on my story. They make my day.  Love you guys more than words can say. Enjoy this chapter, and look out for the next one. I will try my best to get the chapters out faster! Keep on commenting! ;)

*
When I finally opened my eyes, Tanner was looking at me, indecisive. This was exactly how I didn’t want it to be like, and it was too late now. I had already spilled my feelings for him and he doesn’t feel the same way. Why was I so stupid? Who did I have to ruin it all? But then, it was the truth. I am not a good actress, and my feelings are probably visible in my eyes, and he would have known it sooner or later. There was no good in trying to hide it all.

He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. What could he say, really?

The look in his eyes made me realize that my life was just filled with heartbreak, and disaster. It never got better.

This was another heartbreak…..

Another pain…..

Things were never going to Okay. The second time it was worse than the first. It hurt more than I thought it would. This was the first guy I fell in love with, and he didn’t feel the same way. It wasn’t my intention to fall in love, but I did, and I can’t to anything about it.

I was about to say something to him when my cell phone started ringing. I quickly turn my gaze from him and searched for my phone. It was in the bedroom, and the ringtone was so loud that I could hear it clearly even from the kitchen. I walked towards the bedroom, leaving Tanner behind.

It was a relief that the phone rang when it did, if it hadn’t, I might have done something I would regret.

"Hello," my voice sounded strangely high, and that was only because I was trying to pull all those emotions off me.

"Emily, its me." his voice was hoarse.

I knew it was Jared. Who else could it be? His voice was unmistakable and I would have recognized it anywhere.

"How did you get my number?"

"Kelly gave it to me."

"What?" I had just talked to Kelly once and told her about the situation I was in. She had supported me, and she though it was really unfair for me to marry someone I barely even know. She seemed really upset, and from that day on, I didn’t call her. What she didn’t know was the way I felt for Tanner and I didn’t plan to tell her anytime soon. She would just be shocked beyond words, and I definitely didn’t like this side of love: rejection.

"Actually, I had to practically beg her to give me your number." He paused, and I knew there was something he wanted to tell me.

"There is more?"

"Yes. Um…. I heard about your marriage. I am sorry, I had no idea, and it was really unfair." He sounded almost angry but for what I didn’t know and did it even matter?

If it was just yesterday, I would have said something to defend myself, and my marriage, but I was just tired. I was emotionally drained and that was also affecting my physical side.

"I am fine, really."

"Right." He snorted.

Now I sure was angry. "It really is none of your business." I snapped but I stopped myself from saying the things I knew I would regret later on.

"You are still mad at me." It wasn’t a question; it was more like a statement.

"Just get on with your own life Jared, and just leave me alone. Stop acting like you even care about me."

"I do care about you." He sounded sincere, but I just didn’t care anymore. It didn’t matter.

"If you care so much, then leave me alone." I hung up on him angrily.

Why was my life like this? I can’t get the guy that I want, and the guy that I don’t want anymore, is bugging me.

I walked towards the bathroom and locked the door behind.

It wasn’t easy for me to face the truth, but there was just so much pain, and so many heartbreaks, and I could still not get used to this all. When was my heart going to settle down and be happy for what it already had? Why do I always make things complicated? At least, Tanner was there, even if he didn’t love me, but he was attracted to me. What I feel for him is very strong and I know that I am never going to get over him. He was my husband, and it was absolutely right for me to have feelings for him, but then why does it hurt so much?

I wouldn’t let myself cry any longer. I will be with Tanner as long as he wants me, and when he doesn’t want me anymore…………. I will go away from him, and never come back. As soon as he doesn’t want me with him, I would make sure to stay as far away from him as was humanly possible. And from that day on, I would never see him again.

*
"Can we pretend like it never happened?" Emily asked Tanner during dinner the next day when he was being distant and he had this strange look in his face. It had been a whole day since they had last spoken to each other. They had both tried to avoid each other as best as they could, but Emily couldn’t take it any longer.

The look in his face was enough to make Emily regret sharing her feelings.

"What?" He looked at her from his food which was completely uneaten. He was just toying with his food, without trying a single bite.

It was Emily’s turn to look away. "What I said to you, can we pretend like I hadn’t said anything? Can we pretend like it never happened?"

Tanner was quite as he studied her. From the way her jaw was set, and the way she was refusing to even look at him, made him realize that he had hurt her, but how could he explain everything to her when he didn’t understand it all himself.

They were both very quite for a while. "I am sorry," Tanner said, finally.

Emily looked at him, her eyes flashing. "You are sorry?" She couldn’t believe her ears. "You are sorry that you don’t feel the same way? You are sorry that my heart is broken? You are sorry that you made me fall in love with you and there is no way I can be back from that? You are sorry that I love you the way I do? You are sorry that I let myself fall for you? You are sorry that you feel sorry for me?," She stopped and took a long, deep breathe.

That was the longest speech she had ever given him, and his mouth hung open at her outburst. He didn’t know what to say. No one had ever said something like this or even anything close to this before.

She looked directly into his eyes, and he held his breath, waiting for the outburst. Even though she was angry, he couldn’t help himself but admire her beauty. She looked stunning even with her hair completely out of place, and her face tomato red. Was there any sight of her that he didn’t like?

"You know what, damn you! Go to hell for all the good it does to me!" She screamed at his face, and stormed away without giving a second glance at him.

He watched her back as she walked away, and for a moment he could only stare. When she reached the bedroom, she closed the door so loud that he had to practically close his ears to prevent himself. He could hear her screaming, and then everything went quite.

He slowly made his way towards the bedroom door and listened to her weeping quietly.

"God, why do you have to make me for in love with him? Why? Why not anyone else in this whole world, and why him? Why did I ever marry someone who doesn’t love and is never going to love me? Why?" She made a painful sound, and Tanner stood there unsure as if to go inside and take her into his arms or if to just leave her alone. He had never felt this weak before. He felt useless! There was nothing he could do!

How could he explain to her that he is not ever supposed to love someone? He knew how easy it was to love her, and how very close he was to falling for her, and maybe even already did, but he couldn’t let himself hurt all over again.

He squeezed his eyes shut, and felt his heart weeping with her. She meant so much to him but he couldn’t give his heart to her. He couldn’t, and more importantly, he shouldn’t.

He shouldn’t fall in love with her, or anyone else for that matter. Love hurt and he couldn’t let himself hurt all over again.

He would have to make sure not to fall for her.