Fear of Abandonment

Fear of abandonment, or Autophobia, is an anxiety disorder which is characterized by an acute fear of being left alone. It is a fairly common but very discreet psychological problem. If in control, autophobia can seem alright, nonetheless, it tends to graduate to life threatening limits. Let us understand fear of abandonment better with this case study.

"Tiara was a normal girl. She had several friends and a very loving family. Tiara was proactive, intelligent and very pretty. She was popular in school and was the editor of the school news paper. At the age of 15, Tiara's cousin Simon, met with an accident and died. Simon and Tiara were very close, they were of the same age and were almost like best friends. It took her a while to get over Simon's death, but she was never the same. She became very anxious of people leaving her. She become possessive about her friends and required constant reassurance of their presence. She used to hate being left alone, and once tried to commit suicide when home alone. She jumped from one boyfriend to another, breaking the relationship herself, rather than getting 'dumped'."

Tiara is a classic case of a person who suffers from fear of abandonment. From the case, you may have understood the reason why she is suffering from it. Let's discuss the other fear of abandonment causes.

• Fear of Abandonment Cause # 1: The most common cause of fear of abandonment is if the patient has been left by someone. The person could have left them by choice or by death. But, such an experience could definitely seed fear of abandonment in their mind.
• Fear of Abandonment Cause # 2: It is also seen that leaving a child alone in a room, for punishment or fun, can lead to fear of abandonment developing in the person. It does not always happen, but it can be a possibility.
• Fear of Abandonment Cause # 3: And the last cause could be the memory of the discomfort the patient may have faced when left alone. That memory could have created the fear of abandonment in the person.

None of these causes are 100% effective, and being a psychological disorder, fear of abandonment may have another cause of certain patients as well. Nonetheless, these are the most seen causes.

Tiara's symptoms were not very clear to her family, due to ignorance. This lead to action not taken at the right time. Let's see the symptoms of fear of abandonment, to deal with this phobia at the earliest.

• Fear of Abandonment Symptom # 1: One of the first and most apparent symptoms of fear of abandonment is that the patient will always reach out to people. This could make them seem very extroverted and friendly. But it could be a sign that the person is just trying to make sure that he/she is not alone. This symptom also carries and "clingy" clause. That is, that the patient will hold on tight to the people in their lives, which often drives people away.
• Fear of Abandonment Symptom # 2: Panicking is another symptom of fear of abandonment. The patient will panic at the slightest error like not answering a call, or replying to an SMS. They will immediately jump to the conclusion that the person is leaving then, doesn't care for them, and hence not contacting them.
• Fear of Abandonment Symptom # 3: The patient will use emotional blackmail for simple and small matters. Using lines like "if you leave I will kill my self", is a classic fear of abandonment dialog. They will say whatever it takes to stop the person from leaving, even if it is for a very short span of time.
• Fear of Abandonment Symptom # 4: An autophobic will be very complacent. They will do whatever it takes to keep the person with them. Even if it means, performing activities that they would otherwise hate to do. This can be a very dangerous symptom, and one to keep an eye out for.
• Fear of Abandonment Symptom # 5: Jumping from one romantic relationship to another is a very deceptive symptom of fear of abandonment. The patient will believe in dumping rather than being dumped. This will cause them to jump from one relationship to another, to avoid emotional bonding and commitment.
• Fear of Abandonment Symptom # 6: The patient will need constant reassurance that people in their life, love them. They will ask questions like "why do you love me" or "how come you care so much about me", to their near and dear ones very often. This is to keep themselves reassured that people in their life, love them and care about them.
• Fear of Abandonment Symptom # 7: The last of the 7 deadly symptoms is that patient will have a very weak sense of self worth. They will always doubt their capabilities and depend on others support to stand up for themselves. The patient will not trust their own judgments and will be undecided about critical issues, until someone else's perspective comes into play.

These symptoms are not a 100% testimony to fear of abandonment, however, a person showing these symptoms has high chances of suffering from fear of abandonment.

Dealing with fear of abandonment is like dealing with treatment for anxiety disorder. The patient will need counseling and care. They need to make the attempt, themselves. This will have the best effects. The patient should try to perform some projects by themselves. This will keep them alone, yet occupied, giving them lesser time and space to be anxious. Regular conversations with loved ones can help. However, there need to be alone times intervals as well.

Fear of abandonment is a very discreet disorder, but one that can really affect the patient. So, in case you see these symptoms in someone you know, help them deal with the disorder and treat it. This is where I sign off! Take care!