Fantasy Parody
I'm taking a short break from all my serious work, and as a joke, I've decided to take a stupid idea I had (see Writer's Block: Story ideas) and with the ridiculous plot-line given by someone named "calamity," in the comments, I've decided to make this story out of pure boredom.
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The house was older than dirt and he was confined to it alone for thirty, maybe thirty-five days. Steve supposed it was all God’s going. There was probably just something about him that pissed him off. There were still parts of the house that were yet to be explored, especially the basement. Except he hated the basement. It was dark and full of disgusting insects like spiders and flies. Finding himself with nothing to do, he climbed down the stairs, careful not to break the fifth one as he had done countless times before. He hit the light switch and a flickering radiance illuminated the entire room. He looked around. Huh. No pests today. He made his way around the room, finding nothing of interest until he came across an average sized wooden door with cobwebs decorating the doorknob. He dusted it off and opened it, finding absolutely nothing.
He checked the back of the closet to check if there were any openings and-yes! He felt the back shift. He pushed harder until he found himself facedown on the wall that had fallen under him. He groaned, a trickle of blood rolling down from his nose. He wiped it away with his sleeve to find himself standing on a grassy plain. He stepped around and-wait? Grassy plain? Something was very wrong here. He felt something brush past his leg and bolt behind a tree. He spun around, unable to tell what had just gone by him. Was that a cat? Curious, he walked towards the tree, feeling the grass curl under him with every step. It felt strange; the faster he found out what was going on the better. He peered behind the tree to see an opening. It was black as pitch and decided to take a step inside-
"Ahhhh!!!!!" Steve fell, thinking of the inevitable death which was to come when he landed with a giant splash, globs of red liquid jumping into the air.
"I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you are in my pudding." Steve’s head snapped around both directions, trying to locate the source of the noise. When he finally turned around, he found himself staring into the face of an enormous white cat with teeth as big as his head. Sweat rolled down his face as he gulped.
"I…uh…what the hell is going on?" The cat leaned forward, its nose almost pressing against his, its mouth as wide as a school bus.
"You are James, are you not?" Steve shook his head, red pudding flying in all directions.
"I-I’m Steve." The cat sat up straight again.
"Ah! Steve! My most recent owner who abandoned me years ago in hope for a better pet!" Steve’s eyes widened in realization.
"Are you telling me you’re my cat?" The cat laughed.
"Precisely my dear boy! But do not worry; I hold no grudge against you! You will be fine working by me and my erm…my army of soldiers. We are preparing for battle and you will be my advisor!" Steve swallowed.
"I don’t think-"
"I DO think," the cat said, its smile stretching further than what he had thought possible.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Props to "Calamity" for coming up with that really random and weird idea...
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The house was older than dirt and he was confined to it alone for thirty, maybe thirty-five days. Steve supposed it was all God’s going. There was probably just something about him that pissed him off. There were still parts of the house that were yet to be explored, especially the basement. Except he hated the basement. It was dark and full of disgusting insects like spiders and flies. Finding himself with nothing to do, he climbed down the stairs, careful not to break the fifth one as he had done countless times before. He hit the light switch and a flickering radiance illuminated the entire room. He looked around. Huh. No pests today. He made his way around the room, finding nothing of interest until he came across an average sized wooden door with cobwebs decorating the doorknob. He dusted it off and opened it, finding absolutely nothing.
He checked the back of the closet to check if there were any openings and-yes! He felt the back shift. He pushed harder until he found himself facedown on the wall that had fallen under him. He groaned, a trickle of blood rolling down from his nose. He wiped it away with his sleeve to find himself standing on a grassy plain. He stepped around and-wait? Grassy plain? Something was very wrong here. He felt something brush past his leg and bolt behind a tree. He spun around, unable to tell what had just gone by him. Was that a cat? Curious, he walked towards the tree, feeling the grass curl under him with every step. It felt strange; the faster he found out what was going on the better. He peered behind the tree to see an opening. It was black as pitch and decided to take a step inside-
"Ahhhh!!!!!" Steve fell, thinking of the inevitable death which was to come when he landed with a giant splash, globs of red liquid jumping into the air.
"I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you are in my pudding." Steve’s head snapped around both directions, trying to locate the source of the noise. When he finally turned around, he found himself staring into the face of an enormous white cat with teeth as big as his head. Sweat rolled down his face as he gulped.
"I…uh…what the hell is going on?" The cat leaned forward, its nose almost pressing against his, its mouth as wide as a school bus.
"You are James, are you not?" Steve shook his head, red pudding flying in all directions.
"I-I’m Steve." The cat sat up straight again.
"Ah! Steve! My most recent owner who abandoned me years ago in hope for a better pet!" Steve’s eyes widened in realization.
"Are you telling me you’re my cat?" The cat laughed.
"Precisely my dear boy! But do not worry; I hold no grudge against you! You will be fine working by me and my erm…my army of soldiers. We are preparing for battle and you will be my advisor!" Steve swallowed.
"I don’t think-"
"I DO think," the cat said, its smile stretching further than what he had thought possible.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Props to "Calamity" for coming up with that really random and weird idea...
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