Extramarital Affairs

According to a survey conducted by National Opinion Research Center, Chicago University, statistics on extramarital affairs reveal that around one-fourth of married men and almost seventeen percent of women have an affair outside marriage. Another shocking extramarital affairs statistics is that close to sixty five percent of the marriages cannot survive an extramarital affair and thus end in a divorce. For people, whether men or women, who are caught unawares one day that their partner is cheating on them, can be very heart wrenching. They experience a gamut of emotions ranging from anger to sadness to humiliation and even taking revenge. How to take control over oneself when faced with such a situation? What options do the partners of people having extramarital affairs have? Let's find out.

Causes Behind Extramarital Affairs

When it comes to extramarital affairs, there are four main reasons why people indulge in them. Firstly, when they feel that they are not getting enough love from their partner, they start seeking it outside and thus, end up having an emotional affair. Secondly, if the couple is sexually incompatible or has lost the passion and desire which they once possessed for each other, it can make them have an extramarital affair for sexual gratification. The third main reason of an affair is inability to cope up with the responsibilities and duties that come with a marriage, coupled with break-down of communication between the two partners. And lastly, lack of self-esteem. People who have low self worth, often have a need to be reassured that they are still wanted by others. If such people have any problems in a relationship, instead of fixing them with their partner, they prefer to run from them by having an affair.

Tips on How to Deal with Extramarital Affairs

Usually, when a person gets to know that their partner is cheating on them and they confide this to their friends or family, many will suggest, "leave him..you deserve better". But as all of us who have been in an intimate relationship know, it is easier said than done. Breaking away is not the solution, especially if a person is totally in love with the erring partner. So, in order to deal with such a situation, the first thing that needs to be done is taking control over one's emotions. Confronting the partner, fighting with them or accusing them of having an extramarital affair will not solve anything. Instead, patiently having a conversation with them about the situation is what is needed.

The cheating spouse should be first of all told that you are aware of his infidelity. Instead of going into the causes and the reasons behind the affair, take a strong stand and ask your spouse whether he wants to be in this marriage with you or he would prefer to separate from you. After all, if you want to remain married to someone, the other person should be equally willing to do the same. If your spouse wants a divorce, there is really nothing that you can do about it, except for seeing to it that you are financially prepared for such an eventuality. Consulting a lawyer and having a proper understanding of what you will get as alimony is something that you should concentrate on in such a situation.

However, if your partner wants to stay in the marriage with you, the next step should be going in for marriage counseling. Along with marriage counseling, you may yourself require counseling to get over the trauma. Take professional help for getting into the bottom of the reasons behind his infidelity. Identifying the causes behind long term extramarital affairs is the first step towards dealing with them. You should also tell your spouse in no uncertain terms that he or she can no longer keep in touch with the other person if he wants to save his marriage. The counselor will suggest a number of things that both you and your partner should do to work out your marriage. Follow these suggestions and try to work things out with your partner.

Just like for everything else in life, the outcome of counseling for extramarital affairs cannot be predicted. Some marriages may be able to tide over it while others may just fizzle out. Preparing oneself, financially, mentally as well as emotionally for any eventuality and being strong enough to face any situation is thus, the best way to deal with extramarital affairs.