Extracurriculars for Elementary School Children: How to Negotiate the Activity Maze

Just when you've bought the last, hard-to-find school supply, they arrive on your desk: the kids' extracurricular activity forms.

Soccer, dance, tennis, piano, karate - the options can make a mom or dad's head spin. What should you choose? And how can you keep the kids active without overbooking them or driving yourself crazy?

Below are tips to help elementary school parents navigate the activity maze gleaned from my experience with my girls, ages 7 and 9:

*Observe a class. If children are jumping on the trampoline at the gymnastics studio without supervision you'll want to pass. Check the age of instructors and ask about their training. Are they chatting among themselves or interacting with students?

*Drill the coach. When and where games are held? What equipment is required? What's the teacher's philosophy? Some dance studios focus on grooming prima ballerinas. Others bring out the dancer in every child. Some let you observe while others do not. Find out what you're getting into.

*Get the dirt. Families who've participated in the activity are your best source for the real scoop. Do parents yell at their kids during games? Is the coach a mensch or a monster? Do all the children play or just the stars?

*Consider your kid. Some children can manage lots of activities. Others need extra downtime. While many of her friends did after-school activities in kindergarten, my younger daughter came home and rested.

*Consider yourself. Jumping out of bed on Saturday morning to race to a hot soccer field is my idea of hell. So I head off soccer requests with glowing descriptions of activities whose schedules suit me better, like basketball. I'm not sure how much longer I can psych the girls out, but so far, so good.

*Retain flexibility. This fall my girls will ride on Saturdays at a stable that lets you pay as you go. This will leave us open to attend the farmer's market and local festivals, which have great events for kids.

*Use a soft sell. Sometimes you want your child to try something. Don't tell her that! My younger daughter had agreed to take piano - until my husband insisted on it. Then she refused. I had to persuade her all over again by describing piano's benefits.

*Set limits. One sport per season per child is a reasonable guideline. Schoolwork comes first. I sign up for less in the fall than in the spring so I can see how school is going before my kids take on many extracurricular activities. At times you need to say no to something your child wants to do.

*Negotiate. Instructors eager to fill classes will sometimes comply with special requests regarding scheduling. Anyway, you'll never know unless you ask.

*Join the fun. It can get tedious sitting in the stands. Some parents take lessons with their children. After spending a year in the dance waiting room, I've found it much more fun to ice skate with my girls. Recently, I even bought figure skates!

Want the real scoop on life after the second child? Need help handling two small kids? Read the award-winning book Beyond One: Growing a Family and Getting a Life by Jennifer Bingham Hull. Visit www.growingafamily.com to sign up for her free newsletter and find more tips.