Excuses for Missing Work

A lack of imagination is what causes a lot of people to come up with lame excuses for missing work. The trick to give the right excuse is to believe it yourself before you tell it to someone else. My friend Joe used to cover himself in blankets and put a thermometer in the mouth before calling work and telling them he is not feeling well. He probably took the character acting course in drama class too seriously, but at times this kind of commitment to giving an excuse is necessary. Another way of coming with an excuse is to find the weakness of your boss and then appealing to that weakness. For example, if your boss has a small kid, you can tell him your kid or your sister's kid is sick and you need to stay home and take care of the kid.

Make every excuse a plausible excuse and you don't have to worry about getting caught. Although thinking out of the box is welcome, don't cook up something that just isn't going to fly. For example, don't call your boss and tell him you have been invited to try out for the New York Yankees!

Out of the Box Excuses
Your boss has probably heard a million excuses in his lifetime, so surprise him with one that he is less likely to have heard and you might just get away with it. If you are tired of using the traditional excuse of being sick, here are a few suggestions that might work for you.

• Call up and say you have been summoned for jury duty, and you are trying your best to get out, but probably can't.
• You are going for the auditions of American Idol and probably won't be coming for work for at least a few days.
• Sound ecstatic when you call and tell your boss you have won the lottery and won't come in today. (Next day, admit your friends played a prank on you).
• Tell your boss that your car spontaneously combusted in front of your eyes just when you were leaving for work.
• Say that you climbed a tree to save your neighbor's cat, but sheepishly admit that it's you who is stuck on the tree now.

Funny Excuses
You can find solace in humor and give an excuse that will make the person on the other end of the line laugh. Read these excuses that will stimulate your gray matter to come up with your own funny excuse for missing work.

• Your car is making funny noises like someone is farting and there is no way that you can drive to work in it.
• A tree in your garden has fallen on your porch blocking the door, and you are waiting for the fire department to cut it free.
• You have had an allergic reaction to peanuts and you are looking like Carrot Top and will probably have to see a plastic surgeon.
• You have a fight with your wife and she has locked you out of the house, and you are hiding in the bushes as you only have your underwear on.
• Your wife has suddenly got Tourette syndrome, and you are taking her to the hospital for a check up. To make this sound real, ask your wife to let out a barrage of curse words in the background.

Sympathy Excuses
The best way to get out of work is to get a sympathy vote from your boss. We all are emotional fools so appeal to this sentiment and get out of work easy. Some examples of top excuses for missing work are:

• Say your cousin has just been diagnosed with cancer and you have to go to show your support and be there for him.
• Your neighbor a 70-year-old widow who lives alone just slipped and broke her leg and you are rushing her to the hospital.
• By mistake, you ran over your neighbor's dog and he is dead, so you are apologetically consoling your neighbor's 5-year-old daughter.
• Call and say that your friend caught his wife cheating on him with her boss and he is emotionally devastated and you are consoling him.
• Say that you were playing ball with your kids and accidentally one of them hit the ball on your grandmother's head and she is in coma right now.

Some of the other excuses that you can use are: you got car jacked and are writing the police report right now, you got electrocuted and can't use your arms right now, you just witnessed a crime and are on your way to report it, etc. Whichever excuse you use, make sure the reason for missing work is well worth the effort you are taking.