Encounter With Angels

It was middle of July 2008, and San Francisco's Airport was crowded with travelers from all over the world. I was sitting on the ground, right in front of Hawaiian Airline's checking point, and I was holding in my arms my cat. My two German Shepherds were laying down on the floor right next to us. The dogs; Rex and Nel, and the cat; Milky Way, were causing quite a commotion among the curious voyagers.

"Oh, look what a cute doggies. Look, there is a kitty cat too!" They were talking to each other as if I wasn't even there.

"Mommy, mommy, can I pet them?" Some kids were expressing their desire of touching the pets.

"You must ask this young lady first." Their parents were pointing at me with their looks that said: do we have your permission?

"Sure, go ahead." I said.

"Do they bite?" Kids were very curious.

"No."

"What do they do? I mean; are these specially trained dogs?" Once engaged in the conversation, the adults wanted to know everything.

"Where are you taking them to?" The questioning wouldn't stop.

"Hawaii."

"Oh, is that what those two big crates are for? Will they have to sit in those cannels for entire the flight? Oh..."

I wasn't too concerned with the bystanders, for I had other things to worry about. In the process of getting ready for this trip, I have spent my last money for animal quarantine and for our tickets. My bank account was showing the available amount of one hundred and twenty dollars. In the last year my credit score has suffered the irreparable damage, which was aggravated that much more by guys that came in the middle of night to repossess my BMW.

I was thirty one years old; single, with two dogs and a cat, and nowhere to go. Hawaii seamed like the right destination to me. Why not? I've never been there before, but so what? I didn't know anybody who lived in Honolulu, and I didn't have the exact arrangements for our stay there. Still, that wasn't going to discourage me from running away from life I was living until now, and from attempting at least, to put everything behind me. I was determined to start fresh, and no people or circumstances were going to stop me.

"Ma'am, I told you that already. We just had this conversation, remember? I took care of the quarantine, I purchased the tickets, I purchased the cannels, and now I just want to get on that plane with all my animals." I was arguing with woman in suit, who was standing behind Hawaiian Airline checking desk.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but one of your dogs weights a hundred and twenty pounds, and that exceeds the limit allowed by this airline. He must travel through special cargo; there is no other way round this. There is really nothing that I can do to help you, ma'am." She was trying to get rid of me as quickly as she could, as she kept glancing at the long line that was forming behind me. But I wasn't done with her yet.

"OK, look, I understand what you're saying here, OK? Here is my thing; even if I had seven hundred dollars to pay for the special cargo, I still wouldn't pay for it, because I don't think that would be fair to me as costumer. I will not pay an extra seven hundred dollars because of my dogs' weight. The truth is that I don't even have that kind of money, OK? So, please, go ahead and talk to your manager about this for me, alright? I don't care how long we have to stay here. We are not moving from this airport until we get on that plane."

While she went to look for the manager, I sat down on the floor, in between all people, that were rushing to catch their plane. I was petting and hugging my companions, and I was reassuring them that we were all going to make it through this obstacle.

"I am not leaving you behind, don't worry. You're coming with us." I was talking at loud to Rex.

He seamed to understand that something wasn't right, because he kept snuggling against me with his ears all the way back, the way he used to do, when I would come home, and I would find couch completely torn.

"It's OK, Rex. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong." He was licking my tears with his tongue, as if he was the one consulting me.

Fourteen years ago I left my family behind as I left Poland for good. I was living in different countries and on different continents then. I was making my living mainly through modeling. Since I have moved to USA, I haven't been able to see my family at all. Last time I saw my parents and my siblings was ten years ago. Rex, Nel and Milky Way were my only family here in the States, and I wasn't going to be separated from them.

The manager finally showed up.

"Ma'am, are you OK?" He asked me with concern on his face.

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't even see straight from the tears that were pouring from my eyes.

"Ma'am, don't worry, everything has been fixed. OK?" He was trying to establish eye contact with me.

"You'll still have to take your big dog to special cargo, but we were able to wave any additional fees, so you won't have to pay for anything else, OK?" He continued.

"Your dog will still be in the same plane, as you, he will just be transported there through a different gate, that's all. OK? Now you'll just need to take a shuttle or a taxi that will take you all the way to Japanese Airline Cargo. Don't worry, you're dog will not end up in Japan, they just work with our airlines sometimes. I already called them, and they're waiting for you. You will have to leave your dog there, and when you'll come back, you'll just have to wait until tomorrow morning to catch the next flight."

"Thank you." I could barely say that much to him.

"OK. Now all we have to do is to get to that Japanese cargo, wherever that is." I was talking at loud to myself.

"How the heck are we going to get there with this entire luggage?" I looked at my three suitcases, two handbags, two huge crates and a cat carrier.

"Come on, let's figure something out." I was afraid to admit to myself that I was feeling overwhelmed.

I looked around the airport, hoping that some brilliant idea would come to me. I spot a guy who was wearing some kind of uniform. He was standing in front of sliding door, and he was greeting newly arrived people. I approached him while I kept glancing at the luggage.

"Hi." I greeted him with half smile and half concern on my face.

"Good morning ma'am. How's everything going today? You need some help?" He started to pet Rex and Nel.

"What a nice dogs, so friendly, and so handsome. Good boy. Good boy. They're so affectionate. What do you feed them with? They're huge!" He kept playing with the dogs.

"This one's a boy, and this one's a girl?" He asked.

"Yes. This is Rex, and this is Nel." I introduced them to him.
"Hi Rex, hi Nel. And what you've got there, a cat to?" He has just noticed my cat.

"Yes, this is Milky Way, and he's a boy." I responded.

"Milky Way. What a name for a cat!"

"He can't hear you though, he's deaf." I explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is it because he's all white? I've heard that white cats often lose their hearing." He appeared to be interested in getting to know more.

"I think he was born like this, I'm not really sure, I rescued him when he was about six months old." I felt like I didn't mind to share with him some information. He seamed nice.

"Oh, what a lucky cat, eh, Milky Way? Must be tough thought, I can't imagine not being able to hear." He expressed his compassion.

"Yeah, he can be skittish sometimes, because he's afraid, but he's the sweetest cat in the world. He's an angel."

"And he gets along with the dogs with no problem?" He looked surprised.

"They don't have another choice, he's the boss." I laughed, for the first time in quite a bit. He laughed too.

"Would you please do me a huge favor?" I posed to gather my thoughts.

"Yes ma'am, anything to make your whole crew happy."

"I need to get us some transportation. Would you be so kind, and would you keep an eye on my luggage, while I'll go to look for some van that will fit all of this?" I pointed at the suitcases and at the cannels.

"No problem ma'am. I'll be happy to do so." He answered.

"Thank you, thank you so much" I looked at his name tag.

"Thank you Peter, I'm Elzbieta, by the way, nice to meet you." I shook his hand.

"It is my pleasure. You know, if you want, you can leave your pets with me, I'll watch them for you." He offered.

"Are you sure? Wouldn't it be too much for you?" I hesitated.

"Absolutely, no problem, I'll hold them for you."

"OK then, I'll be right back. Rex, stay here. OK? Stay here, don't move. Nel, do what Rex does, OK?"

"They'll be alright ma'am, don't worry." He was trying to reassure me.

"I'll handle it, ma'am. Good boy, good girl, mammy will be right back." He was petting them both as he was trying to calm them down.

"Woof, woof!" Nel was getting agitated as I was walking away, and Rex's loud whining wasn't helping at all.

"Stay there, don't move; stay!" I commanded from far away.

They finally settled down, but they kept looking in my direction, with their tongs sticking out. They were breathing as fast as they could.

I looked around to see if I could find a shuttle or a taxi that was big enough. I was calculating in my mind how much that was going to cost me. I couldn't see anything. As I kept walking further and further away, I saw a big, yellow utility truck. I approached the guys that were sitting in it.

"Hi there, hi, how are you doing?"

"Hi, can we help you?" The two guys were clearly employed by the airport; they were painters. They were wearing white jumps-suites and their truck was filled with all kinds of tools.

"God I hope so. I really do. Look, I have to go to Japanese Airlines cargo, and I have two dogs, one cat and lots of luggage with me. I don't know how I'm going to get there. I don't even know where that is. Could you please, please help me?" I gave them the look of a puppy that's in trouble.

"I know where that is. Yeah, that's like a couple of miles from here. We worked there before, remember Chris?" The guys exchanged their looks.

"Sure Jared, I remember." He got a hesitant response from his co-worker, who also appeared to be in charge.

"Can we take her there? Can we do that? Would that be a problem?"

The guy in charge put his big hands behind his head. He puffed up his lips, as to say, that he was thinking about it.

"Could we lose our job for doing it?" Jared kept inquiring his boss, and Chris seamed to like that attention.

"What the heck! Why not! Let's go! Let's help this nice, young lady!" He shouted almost with excitement.

"Oh my God, thank you so much!"

I started to feel relieved and my entire face, as well as my body language was showing it. I've been worrying a lot about the fact that we've already mist the first flight, and I was dreading the idea of spending the entire night at the airport. I didn't know how I was going to use bathroom throughout this whole time. I've been holding myself since five o'clock this morning, and it was three pm right now. On top of everything else, I was having my period too. I haven't been able to eat anything yet and I've never had the chance to drink my cup of coffee. I have chosen to wear white shorts and white t-shirt for this trip; for I thought that at this hour we were going to be in Hawaii.

Oh how I was regretting my wardrobe decision right now! The chilly San Francisco's wind was blowing forcefully against kerchief, which I've had rapped around my waist, in attempt of preserving some warmth. It wasn't doing much though. The overcast weather, so typical and so characteristic for this famous city, was causing goose-bumps on my skin. I was very tired, I was exhausted actually. I just wanted to be done with everything, and of course so far I had no clue yet, that this wasn't going to be the only day and night spent at this airport. I didn't know that this was merely going to be day one, and that the following days were going to look very similar. Just like in movie, in which Tom Hanks is forced to live at the airport for a while, we were going to stay there a little bit longer than I could ever have anticipated. I didn't know yet that I was going to have many opportunities to get to know Chris and Jared a lot better.

The truck had only one long front seat. Milky Way was sitting on my labs, and Rex and Nel were sitting on floor, between dashboard and the seat. They were so happy to see me again! Peter has told me that after I had left, they have never stopped staring in the direction I went. He was amazed by my dogs' loyalty towards me, and I was indeed feeling very grateful for having such sweet and such smart best friends.
As for the luggage and the crates, we were able to somehow fit it all in the back of the truck, between all that paint and all those tools.
The painters immediately liked my dogs, and by now, I started to feel that the guys were really glad that I asked them for help.

"Damn, what a good looking dogs!" Jared said at loud when he first saw them.

I've been used to hearing compliments like this; I've been hearing them quite often. However this time I felt like I needed to hear it more than ever. These words were uplifting my spirit, and were giving me a sense of encouragement. Except for the fact that we were headed to Hawaii, nobody really knew, including myself, what was awaiting us there. I was trying very hard not to think about it right now. I was trying to push aside the fear of unknown that was sometimes causing my shortness of breath.

Everybody else could be thinking that some rich, spoiled, and on top beautiful white chick is going to Hawaii for vacation. She's taking her pets with her, because she always does whatever she wants, and she always gets what she wants. That's it; simple as that; end of story. People love when they think that they have already figured out everything about the person they're dealing with. I wasn't even trying to change anybody's perspective; not because I was embarrassed of being poor and even homeless, but because I felt unsafe. I told myself that in life the less people knew about me, the less they could take advantage of me.

We found Japanese Airline Cargo pretty easily. Chris was so nice to share his cigarettes with me, which we smoked while waiting for the other guys that were getting ready to weight Rex and his cannel. Finally they called me inside the office.

"OK ma'am, you've got all the papers with you, right?" The manager of Asian descendant has asked me.

"Yes sir, I do." I handled him all the quarantine papers.

"Splendid. I will also need copy of your dog's health certificate."

"Yes, I know, it's all in there sir." I answered.

"Well, you're all set. You need to bring back your dog and his cannel here, tomorrow morning at exactly four am. Please do not be late; the Hawaiian Airline will not accept from us the cargo that's late."

"Thank you sir, we'll see you tomorrow at 4 am sharp then." I started to feel almost happy. For a moment I even forgot, that except for the quarantine office, nobody else was waiting for us in Hawaii.

Chris and Jared helped me to put the big crate back in the back of the truck. Rex was happy to be with us again.

"Hey big guy, tomorrow at this time you'll be sunbathing and sipping on some exotic drink!" Jared was petting Rex, while talking to him not without tiny bit of jealousy in his voice. His tone was almost nostalgic.

"Hey guys, I don't even know how to thank you both." I was shaking Chris's and Jared's big and rough hands.

"Don't even mention it. It was fun. Your animals are hilarious, and so are you. You're a very cool girl." As usually in charge, Chris said to me.

"Here, I wrote down this number for you. This is our office. If you ever need anything, call them and ask for Chris." He handled me the piece of paper.

"Well thank you, I will. As a matter of fact; are you guys working at four am tomorrow morning?" I asked.

"As a matter of fact we are."

"Well..." I hesitated for a moment.

"Well, do you think you could give us another ride? We need to be back here at four am." I thought I was pushing my luck too much.

"Hmmm... I don't see why not?" Chris really loved to feel that his was in charge and that everything was always up to him.

"Oh my God; this is great!" I wanted to jump, but I didn't.

"Well, we'll come and get you around three thirty then. You'll be in front of the Hawaiian Airlines checking desk, right?"

"Right."

"Then that's a deal. Here, you wanna take few cigarettes with you? You have a long night ahead of you." Chris was trying to convince me that I will need any help available to stay awake throughout the night.

"Whatever you do, don't fall a sleep. There are all kinds of weird people everywhere; you never know. Watch you bags." It was sweet how concerned he was.

"Have you even eaten anything today?" He looked at my tired face.

"Girl, you've got to eat something before you faint on me!" He went to the truck and he pulled a couple of energy bars from the glove compartment. He tossed them to me.

"Thanks Chris."

"I saw you have some dog food in your bag, but I don't see you caring anything for yourself. Girl, I know you love your kids, but you need to take better care of yourself, you know?" He was getting all fatherly on me, but I still thought it was sweet of him to care so much.

"OK, guys, do you mind if before we take off, I'll go and use bathroom real quick?" My bladder was absolutely killing me and I wanted to take advantage of the situation.

"Don't ask, just go. We'll wait here."

I run as quickly as I could. Rex and Nel have already taken care of their bladders in nearby bushes, so I didn't have to worry about them, at least for a while. Milky Way had an absorbent pad in his carrier, so he was fine to.

"OK, looks like we're going to make it after all." I said to myself after I sat down on the toilet.

The guys dropped me where they said they would. They helped me place the crates and the luggage in passenger's sitting area, right in front of Hawaiian Airline. They left then, but not without promising thought that they would come and pick us up later. I opened can food to feed my pets, and I poured some water in their bowls. I sat on the floor and I watched them eating. The traveling people were constantly stopping in front of us, curious to know what was going on. They were annoying the hell out of me, because in their busy agendas, they weren't concerned with our discomfort, but rather they were obsessed with satisfying their own curiosity.

I kept disregarding all of them, and I kept pretending that I couldn't hear their comments or their questions. They were still unbeatable and some of them, using their cell phones; were even taking pictures of us. Nel looked very tired and Rex looked much stressed out. Milky Way had a look on his face that said: "You stupid morons, why don't you leave us in peace?" I was feeling so guilty and I was silently blaming myself for putting them through all this. I was already feeling like such a loser and such a bad "mommy", and so I was that much more feeling infuriated by all these people that were so incapable of holding their tongues.

"Oh, look; poor doggies!" They simply wouldn't shut the hell up.

"Oh, this must be so hard on them. I can see that you're such an animal lover. You know, I love my dog too, and I miss him so much when I have to travel, but this is why I pay my dog sitter to take care of him when I'm gone." Some of them had the guts to express their opinion, like I gave a damn about it.

I putt my arms around Rex's neck, and as I started to rock my body, I begun to sing in Polish.

"Szla dzieweczka do laseczka, do zielonego, ah ha ha, do zielonego, ah ha ha, do zielonego!..." The song, if translated to English would sound something like this: "A girl went to a little green forest, ah ha ha, green forest, ah ha ha, green forest!..." Later the rest of the song talks about how she meets there with a handsome hunter. Then it talks about how this good looking boy, after meeting with this beautiful girl, expresses his happiness of founding the love of his life.

A part from the time when I would call my family on the phone, I don't usually speak or think in Polish anymore. I even dream at night in English. Hearing my words pronounced in my native language was having an amazingly calming effect on me. Even though it has been more than a decade for me, since I have been home, the song was making me feel as if I wasn't that far away from it after all. I could almost feel the presence of my deceased by now Grandmother, as I was imagining her singing it with me. This was her favorite song. The tears were rolling down my face, for the second time today. I remembered when eight years ago, I've been told by my family over the phone, that my seventy six years old Grandmother has died. She had a stroke on a Christmas Day. Even though over the period of years she didn't get along with my family, and she actually has caused many heart aches to all of us, she was still my Grandmother. I was pissed with her for dying so unannounced.

"Are you OK?" A man that appeared to be in his late thirties was kneeling down in front of us. He was showing an honest concern on his face, and not just simple curiosity like the rest of the people.

"I'm OK, thanks for asking though." I mumbled without looking him in his eyes.

"I hope I'm not intruding or anything, but I've seen you sitting here for quite a while now. You must be tired. Did you miss your flight?" He had this wonderfully serious look on his face.

"Yeah, we sort of did miss our flight. We're OK though, we'll be flying tomorrow morning at 9 pm." I didn't even try to be impatient with him, the way I was with the other curious people. Maybe because I liked how he was looking at me with that expression that said; "Gee, I can't just leave you like this, I must do something to alleviate the condition you're in."

"Can't you just go to a hotel?" He kept asking in a careful way.

"Can't afford it. But we're fine, we're OK here."

"Look..." He posed for a moment to gather his thoughts.

"I'm going back home to Utah, my flight is leaving in about half an hour. But what I could do, I could call some hotels, I could find out if they'd take the dogs, and if you'd let me, I'll pay for it over the phone. You can't sit here like this the whole night. I'd feel very bad, knowing that I didn't do anything to help."

"Please may I do that for you?" He continued after not hearing any answer from me.

"I don't know, we're already here..." I was looking at my pets that were completely pooped, and I was thinking how hard it would be on them to go somewhere else again.

"Look, the hotel can send a shuttle to pick you up, and they can bring you back whenever you need to be back." He was reading my mind.

"OK then." I was very tempted with the idea of taking a hot shower, and the idea of getting actually some sleep was irrefutable.

"OK, I'm going to make some calls, to see if we can find a place that will take the dogs, OK?" He looked almost as relieved as I did.

I was looking at him talking on his cell phone. I was wondering what made him to decide to help me. I could tell that he wasn't hitting on me. His appearance and the fact that he was from Utah, made me assume that he was a Mormon, and the wedding ring on his finger made me guess that he was also married. I thought about sharing with him the fact of me being technically a Mormon as well. Three years ago, in the course of craziness of my life, I was actually baptized in Church of Lateral Saints. But I didn't tell him any of this. I knew that if he said that he would help me, he was going to do so regardless of my old or new beliefs.

While continuing conversing over the phone, he kept pacing nervously back and forth. He kept glancing at his watch. I could tell that he was having a hard time finding a hotel that would accept big dogs.

"I'm so sorry." He said it to me in a tone that showed resignation.

"Don't worry; I know you need to catch your plane. We'll be fine, I'm telling you. I know you tried, and I appreciate that." I tried not to make him feel guilty.

"Here. Would you please take this?" He handled me a bill of fifty dollars.

"That is the least I can do. Please don't get offended."

"I won't. Thank you. Again, I really appreciate your help." I took the money he was offering me.

The man left and I went back to singing my Polish song. I tried to stay awake, even though my eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. I would catch myself resting my eyes by closing them for few moments. Each time it happened, I would open my eyes abruptly, for I was afraid that I would fall a sleep without even knowing it.

The next morning, at three thirty am, Chris and Jared pulled over their big utility truck to the curb, the way they said they would. The flashing, yellow emergency lights that they left on, were making the whole situation look almost dramatic. It made me laugh.

"Hey, you made it! Good to see you smiling." Chris greeted me and the guys immediately started to load everything.

"How do you feel? How was the night?" He noticed immediately dark circles underneath my eyes.

"We've survived it somehow. I'm definitely glad to see you guys, I'll tell you this much. I was worrying a little bit; what if you guys couldn't make it?"

"Who? Us? Girl, if this guy says we're going to be here, then that's exactly what he means." Chris was very happy to hear what Jared was saying about him.

At the Japanese Airline cargo things went relatively easy this time, except for Rex's whining that was making me feel so bad for leaving him there.

"Rex, you're going to be fine. You'll see your mamma in few hours in Hawaii, buddy." Jared was so taken by my dog's separation anxiety.

"That's right, I love my baby! I love my Rex!" I petted my dog.

I've always talked to my pets as if they could understand English in a literal way. I've always thought of them as species not inferior to human beings. Their emotions have always been as important to me as my own.

Rex was now five years old, and he was with me since he was seven months old. He was already huge in size then, but he was the clumsiest pappy ever. I took him everywhere I went with me. I've always dreamed of having a German shepherd, and when my neighbors have told me that some strange people were sneaking around the place I was living in, I really got scared. I told to one guy I knew, all about this, and he convinced me to borrow a gun from him. And so I did. I would go back to my place, and as I would get out of my car, I would hold the loaded gun right in front of me, sort of in a James Bond's style. I knew that if I had to I would pull on that damn trigger!
The guy I knew was warring about me.

"Girl, you need to get a dog. Get a big one. See here? They're selling German shepherds here." He pointed at newspaper that he bought for me.

"I'm telling you, you've got to get this dog. Didn't you've always wanted to have one of these anyway?"

As a matter of fact I did. I just never thought it was the right time for making my dreams coming true. Well, I had no choice, but to follow his advice. I couldn't keep his gun forever. Besides I didn't want to get arrested, in case if something happened and I did get pulled over highway patrol. It's not like you can just drive around with a loaded and unregistered gun.

Rex became my bodyguard, my companion, my best friend all in one. Few years later I decided to get him a canine companion, and so I went to get Nel. She was two years old at that time, and she was living among several dozens of German shepherds that were being breed and raised in a pappy mill. She was locked up in a crate no bigger than seven foot squared by seven, and she was sharing her cell with another dog. All the dogs were jumping and barking like crazy when I got there, and the smell of their feases lying around was absolutely unbearable. Nel's long fur was spotted with her own running stool. It's not that she even had a name; I named her that after I took her home with us.

She was one of the least aggressive and the most submissive dogs that this awful place had. The owners were running out of business, and they had no idea or plan on how the get rid of all these poor dogs. The woman explained to me how nobody ever wants to buy a dog, once the dog overgrowths cute pappy stage. She gave me Nel for free, and she seamed genuinely relieved that she has found a home at least for one of them. My heart was braking to watch all these gorgeous and so intelligent creatures jumping inside their crates and barking hysterically, as we were walking away. God, I was feeling so guilty for not rescuing them all. I swear I was feeling that their barking, if translated to human language, would say something like this:

"Why not me? Why her? Take me, take me too!"

Gosh, I had to get the hell out of there promptly before I could lose my mind.
Nel wasn't completely free from behavioral issues, and it took me quite some time to gain her trust. At first she was super shy, and extremely nervous. She didn't know what was going on, and she kept running in a circle like crazy. She didn't want to come inside the house, and when I tried to encourage her by pushing her gently, she would bite my hands strong enough to get her point across. She still nibbles like this to this day, whenever she gets excited, but I actually like it. I know that this is her defense mechanism, and I don't want her to be completely passive anyway. She's a dog after all, and besides in her life she withstood a lot already.

She developed a strong bond with Rex. He immediately showed her that he's in charge and she didn't mind that at all. She looks up to him, and she does whatever he does. They like playing together, and they make all kinds of funny noises when they rassole on the floor. Sometimes he can be very hard on her when they do that; and particularly when he feels jealous of me. Sometimes she gives in, but other times she goes off on him like some kind of maniac.

Their barking can be very intimidating, and when people see them doing that, they don't know what's going on, and they usually try to keep distance.
Rex can be indeed very jealous of me, but for Nel; I became her whole world. He follows me everywhere, but she won't even lose her sight of me for a moment. I try as much as I can to be fair with both of them. I try to love them equally and I try to embrace their differences. Rex is the macho type; all big, and super, I mean super intelligent. He's sweet like a pappy though. Well, they both are. Nel; she's a little crazier, very funny though, and she loves being silly.

What about Milky Way? That's a completely different story yet. I was living in the Mojave Desert with my now ex-boyfriend named Ryan Roth. We were sharing a four bedroom house that had a very nice fenced backyard. While he was busy with his work, I was busy with rescuing all the animals that I could. I had two goats; Rampy and Starla, a desert tortoise; Don Piero, two lovebirds, Chihuahua named Lelek that my neighbors found, and of course my German shpepherds. When I first brought my goat Rampy home, I would put diapers on him, because I thought that I could party train him. When Ryan came back from work that day, he asked me:

"What on earth is that noise and where is it coming from?"

"Meh, meh, meh!" Rampy wanted to meet his new daddy.

"Wholly molly! What is this and what is this thing doing in my house?" He would stare at him as if Rampy was out of space.

Ryan was concerned with our white carpet, and he never made peace with the goat being inside the house, but I really didn't care about that. My animals have always been like kids to me, and no man could come before them, ever. He knew that very well. When Ryan was at work; Rampy was always in our living room, watching TV with me. Oh how he loved doing that, particularly when I would have Animal Planet on! His head would tilt to the side then, and his mouth would never stop moving, as he'd continue chewing on his invisible food. I would just sit there; staring at him, and I'd laugh hysterically. Like Rex and Nel; he'd follow me everywhere.

He's favorite thing was when I'd be in kitchen, preparing something to eat. While standing on his posterior legs, he'd support himself with his front feet, by placing them on the kitchen's counter. With his dexterous tongue, he'd lick everything he could reach. Rampy thought of himself as being a dog. His identity being mixed-up could have a lot to do with the fact that I used to take him on walks with all of us. My God how he loved walking on that desert! All neighbors knew us very well; and especially kids used to join us on those walks. Rampy never listen to me, and he would always pull very hard on his leash. In fact he was always trying to stay in front of everybody.

He was as stubborn as the goat could be. His next favorite thing was being chased around the house by Rex. The house, beside the front door, had two different doors that led to the backyard. They'd just run in circles like crazy, followed by Lelek; the Chihuahua, who'd make a lot of noise, to overcompensate his miniature size. I really had a good time watching them. My goat used to cause me all kinds of trouble though; he just wanted to play with everything that moved. He thought for example that the tortoise Don Piero was his toy, and he constantly tried to flip him over with his horns. I had to watch them very closely after I found Don Piero lying on his back one day.

One day, my girlfriend Joy called me on the phone, saying that she had an emergency.

"Girl, I found twelve homeless kittens! You've got to help me with them; you know I don't have a place anymore in my house." She shouted on the phone.

"Are you serious? Well, bring them here then, you know where I live. But you'll have to help me with finding new homes for them. You know I can't just keep them all here, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I will." She hanged up.

Next thing I knew, I had twelve one week old felines that were crawling around my house. Rex was absolutely in love with them. He used to carry them in his big mouth and he used to lick them with his huge tongue. Rampy didn't know what the heck to think about those tiny creatures that were crying so loud. He was strangely intimidated by them. Together with Joy, we gave them baths with special shampoo, to get rid of flees. The kitties were as cute as they could be, and it wasn't hard at all to find new homes for them. The hardest part was to be separated from them, after feeding them for several weeks with syringe, and after feeling the joy of living in a full house. Rex didn't like when people were showing up at our house, to pick up their newly adopted pets. He'd follow them all the way to the door, and he'd keep sniffing them as to say:

"Where the hell do you think you're taking my baby to?"

For the last week, as all this was taking place inside the house, I've been hearing some crying that was coming from beneath cars that were parked on street. I didn't really pay attention to it, since I knew that it was very common for people to leave their unwanted pets in this area. But one day I heard knocking at my door. It was my neighbor's seven years old daughter; Sierra, who by the way used to come to my house almost every day. She was holding a white cat that looked scared to death.

"I've got your kitty! I found your kitty cat Elzbieta!" She was so happy, because she thought that this cat belonged to me before.

"Oh, look!" I couldn't turn him down. He was in an awful shape; he was bleeding from his mouth, where apparently he was bitten by some dog. Flees that infested his dirty fur were visible to a naked eye. They were stalked on his mouth, and I had a real hard time in getting rid of them. I named him Milky Way because after the bath, his white fur reminded me of Milky Way on the sky. I thought I'll just find him a new home, just like I did with the rest of the kittens, but I soon found out that nobody wanted him. It was maybe because he turned out to be deaf, or maybe because he was so skittish. Well, I thought that I'll keep him for a while, until I'll come up with something else. With the time passing by, Milky Way grew on me. He was still hiding all the time, but he started to jump on my bed at nighttime while I was sleeping. Once he allowed me to pet him, he became totally addicted to it. He'd just flip himself on his back, and he'd start making that funny noise that was supposed to inform me about his demand. If that wasn't working, he'd jerk his head in a funny way that to me looked like he was trying to say:

"What are you waiting for? Can't you see that I need some loving here?"

He was strange sometimes. He would still run away from me at home, but he was very comfortable, and he even looked very confident indeed, whenever I took him out in my bag. He didn't mind people petting him, as long as I was the one that was holding him. Later, his favorite thing was sleeping on top of my books, while I'd attempt to study on my bed. He would lie there like he owned the whole place and he would look like he wanted to make clear, that he didn't want to be disturbed. His fear of other people though made me become overly protective of him. Sometimes I'd feel like I was paranoid of losing him. Well, when it comes to my animals, I've always felt paranoid of losing them.

The plane wasn't leaving until nine am, so we had some time to kill. I've already said goodbyes to Chris and Jared, and I thought that pretty much I'd never see them again. I was sitting on the ground again, with Nel and Milky Way this time. We were waiting for the airline to open their checking desk. I was thinking about Rex and I was imagining him being transported to the plane by the guys from the Japanese cargo.

"God, I just hope that they won't make a mistake and I hope that they'll put him on the right plane." I was obsessing about the whole thing.

We were sitting there all exhausted, and I kept observing line in front of me getting smaller and smaller, as all the passengers were getting rid of their big luggage's. I decided we'd go at last, so I wouldn't have to keep moving my stuff, as the line was progressing slowly. Finally, when the checking desk was cleared from all these people, I approached the same woman is suit that I argued with yesterday.

"Good morning." I greeted her without passion in my voice.

"Good morning ma'am, may I have your tickets please." She was just as enthusiastic as I was.

"May I see your ID?"

I gave her my California driver's license.

"Just a second please."

She was busy entering data into computer. Her colleague, after having weighted my luggage, was now placing stickers on it.

"OK, you know your first baggage is free of any charge, and after that it's fifteen dollars more for each, yeah?" She told me.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." I just wanted to be on that plane as soon as possible.

"OK, I know we already did that yesterday, but I still need to weight your dog again."

"Sure, go ahead." I said to her.

They helped me to place Nel on the scale. She was inside her cannel.

"OK, give me just one second, please." And then she disappeared in that same door that she went to get her manager from the day before.

I waited, and waited, and waited some more. Finally she came back with some other female employee. They were looking and pointing at the cannel, and they were obviously discussing something. I was getting very impatient with her, and I honestly started to dislike her. She then approached me with that dull look on her face.

"Ma'am, we cannot accept your dog."

"EX-CUSE -ME?" I could feel that she was up to something. I was giving her a very cold look this time.

"Ma'am, your cannel is not airline approved. This one is made of metal, and they collapse sometimes. That's why you have to have a plastic one..." She wanted to go on, but I was just about to lose my temper, and I think she could tell that, by the look on my face. I think she knew that I was picturing what would it feel like if I ripped that flower of her hair and if I threw it in her face. As I leaned forward towards her, she backed up a little bit.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" I asked her and she could tell that I wasn't kidding.

"You have the nerves to tell me what you're telling me, after going through this with me yesterday? You were the one who weighted my dogs yesterday, remember? You couldn't have tolled me that then, that you didn't like my crates?" I was really losing my temper this time. My shortness of breath that I started to experience again, was not having a calming effect on anybody.

"I'm sorry; I don't know what to say. You'll have to buy new cannel, and you'll have to catch another flight tomorrow again, I guess."

"Do you even realize that my other dog is on that stupid plane already?" In my mind I just wanted to strangle her with my hands.

"Ma'am, I'll call them right away and I'll make sure that they'll take him off that plane. But you'll have to call the cargo, and tell them that you'll go and pick him up."

As she was talking to me, I was giving her a hateful look. I really couldn't stand her.

"Ma'am, there're your tickets, don't worry, you won't lose your spot for tomorrow, yeah?" She handled them to me.

"Yeah, sure, with you working here, I am so far away from warring!" I couldn't help but to be sarcastic with her.

"Oh my god!" I was brushing my hair with my hands, and I was thinking that my head was about to explode any moment now. I had to call the cargo and I had to find the way to get there again. I didn't have my cell phone on me, because like with all the other unpaid bills, the service got disconnected. The woman has finally found my luggage and she brought it back to me. I was so fed up with her and so I jerked the suitcase from her hands, and I turned around without saying a word to her.

I went to use public phone. The cargo people agreed to hold Rex, until I was able to find a ride. Then I called the office number that Chris gave it to me.

"Hi, I'm looking for Chris; I don't remember his last name thought, but I know he works there. He's a painter."

"Oh yeah, I know which Chris you're talking about. I'm not sure if he's in today thought."

"Jesus, please, I really need his help. Could you please find out for me if his there?"

"Sure, no problem; is there anything you want me to tell him, if I see him?"

"Yes, please; could you please tell him that the girl with the dogs called? I wasn't able to get on that plane, and I will need his help again. I am still here, right in front of Hawaiian checking point."

"OK; I'll tell him. Wait for him there, if I'll find him, I'll send him over there to you."

"Thank you, thank you so much."

"OK, now let's just hope that his working today." By now I really didn't care that people were looking at me strange, because i was talking to myself.

"Good morning ma'am, what are you still doing here? I thought you'd be in Hawaii by now." That was Peter, standing in front of the sliding door, just like he was doing yesterday.

"Hi Peter. Oh God, don't even ask me anything. I'm losing my mind here."

"Some man has been asking for you, he said his name was Chris or something." He said.

"Oh God, are you serious? Where did he go?" I asked without taking a single breath in.

"Let me go get him, his right there."

He came back with a man that I've never seen before.

"Are you the woman that called our office earlier, asking for me?" He asked me.

"Yes, I did call your office indeed, but I was looking for different Chris." I explained to him briefly what has been happening for the last two days.

"Well, maybe I'll just take you there?" He offered.

"Really?"

"Sure, why not? It's not like I can just leave you here like this."

He explained to me later that the other Chris worked night shifts only. He promised that he would tell him that I was still here, and that perhaps he would give me a ride to that cargo at tree thirty am once again. At the cargo the people informed me, that if the airline didn't like my metal cannel, that it meant that they wouldn't like Rex's metal crate either. They advised me to purchase two new cannels instead of one. I took their suggestion, and after the "new" Chris had dropped us off at the terminal, I went to United Airlines to purchase the products. First though, before I could do anything at all, before I could even move; I sat on my regular spot for a moment.

I knew I had a whole day to buy these damn cannels, so that wasn't my biggest concern. With my sleep deprivation, my lack of food or even coffee in my stomach, I was afraid I was going to faint. I started thinking, what if we'll never get there? What are we going to do? Where are we going to stay? At least in Hawaii the weather was warm enough, right? I was thinking about my ex-boyfriend Ryan, and I hated him so much right now, that it wasn't even funny. After living together for almost three years, he didn't want to marry me, because, as he said to me; I wasn't making any money. He was accustomed of living his middle-class lifestyle; and he was arguing with me, that by marring me, his finances would suffer too much.

He blamed me that I was dragging him towards bankruptcy, but he didn't mind me living with him. He just didn't think he was ready in making a lifetime commitment to me. His dear mommy and his best friend since high school; were always taking his side, and he wasn't embarrassed at all in sharing that information with me. I finally one day, had enough money and enough nerves to leave him. I moved from the desert to Northern California, and I brought my whole crew with me. I struggled a lot while trying to work full-time and while going to school full-time. Eventually I became an EMT, and a volunteer firefighter. I was now trying to recall the words of my former fire chief; Bill Murray, who by the way, became like a father figure to me.

"Remember kid, when you're afraid, take a deep breath, and say this to yourself: I am here, and I am safe."

"We are here, and we are safe." I started to say those words at loud.

"We're here, and we're safe. We're here, and we're safe." I continued to rock my body as I was repeating it. I could actually notice myself calming down. I could actually notice myself getting relaxed.

"We're here, and we're safe. We are here being loved. We are here being loved." These words became my new mantra.

"We are here being loved beyond imagination. I am the child of God, and I am not forgotten." I don't normally pray to God, and I was amazed what a sense of peace I begun to feel from within me. Everything around me appeared as if it was slowing down, and the curious annoying people finally seamed to have left us alone. I was still feeling so distrusting towards people in general, that I really didn't want to have anybody around me. I lost my faith in human beings long time ago, and right now I really didn't trust anybody, including myself sometimes. I was thinking in my mind:

"God, why am I here? What for? What difference does it make if I'm alive or not? God, do you even care if I'm here or not? Do you even know me? Would you even, if you could, show me that I am not just a dot of dust to you? Does anything that I've been through in my life, even matter to you? Do you care about me? Supposedly I am your beloved child. Supposedly I inherited everything from your heavenly kingdom, like they teach us about it here. If that was all true; wouldn't you send your Angels to help your beloved daughter?" I was crying big tears by now.

I wasn't having any revelations or anything, but I did feel like besides my sanity I had nothing else to lose. Maybe it was even too late to keep my mind intact anyway, so I begun to play a mental game. I begun to count random numbers in my mind.

"Two, four, eight, seven, five. Two, four, eight, seven, five. Calling the Base. Establishing connection."

"Connection established." I pretended like I heard a mechanical voice coming from the space.

"Agent 003 needs help." I continued in my head.

"Go ahead, Agent 003. What's your situation? What is your request?" The computerized like voice was inquiring.

"I need more special Agents to support my mission. I am also running out of what they call here money."

"Processing your request; please stand by Agent 003." I posed for a moment to give the operator some time.

"Agent 003, are you still there?" The voice came back after a short moment.

"Yes I am."

"Your request has been accepted. Spatial Agents are on their way."

"Thank you very much."

"Anytime; Spatial Agent 003; we're here for you."

My God, I really started to believe that this wasn't just a joke that was supposed to entertain me, while I was trying to kill some time on this airport. I told myself; just be alert, and pay attention to small details around you. In the past I have heard that sometimes Angels not only can appear to human beings, but they can actually enter and use the existent human bodies of other people, in order to do their work. I've read somewhere that Angel's light is so bright, and that even if we can't see it with our own eyes, our cameras cannot capture it.

Basically, even if the Angels would use somebody else's body, we would still not be able to see them in the picture, if we happened to take one. Supposedly films that we use are not sensitive enough to hold on to such a high energy level or something like that. To make my point; such film being exposed to such intense light, would result in unclear or even unreadable pictures. Anyway, I was having fun imagining all those Spatial Agents looking for me at this airport, so I wasn't going to let go of my fantasy. It's not like I was hurting anybody with it, right? I was getting very much into it, and I was singing now my mantra:

"We are here, being loved. We are here, being loved."

Eventually I've got tired of it, and eventually I gave up. This had A lot to do a lot with an Asian looking lady, who decided to sit on chairs that were near me, and I didn't want her to think that I was nuts. She was really getting on my nerves. She was sitting there with that smile on her face, and I thought that she was making fun of me in her mind. She was trying to make it look like she was reading her magazine. I was thinking to myself:

"Why can't you just sit somewhere else? Freaking annoying woman! Can't you see that all this area is taken by all of us?"

She kept smiling to herself, like I was going to believe that this magazine of hers was so hilarious. Boy, I just wanted her out of "my" chairs. I was somehow being drowned into looking at her the whole time, and I hated that she was getting all my attention.

"I'm not going to give you my energy, you old woman." I was saying it in my mind, and she kept smiling with that annoying smile of hers, as if she knew what was going on in my head. Did I say it already how much she was irritating me? I was thinking about it, and I was thinking; why? Really, why? Hmmm...I was wondering if that had something to do with her reminding me of my Father's Mom, my Grandmother. She was still alive, living back in Poland, but I've never liked that woman. "Maybe my sleep deprivation and my period have a lot to do with my irritability." I was trying to rationalize.
It was obvious by now, that the Asian lady wasn't thinking about leaving me alone. I decided that if she was going to sit there, I could just as well use here then.

"Excuse me. Hi." I still didn't like her but I had to be polite if I wanted a favorite from her.

"I need to buy some new cannels for my dogs. Would you mind watching my stuff while I'll go do that?"

She didn't mind at all. She actually was very nice to me, and she seamed as if she was just waiting for me to engage in conversation. She even offered that she'd watch my pets for me.

At the United Airlines I asked for the biggest cannels they had.

"That will be one hundred and sixty dollars, please."

"OK, take one hundred and twenty from this debit card. And there is fifty bucks." I gave the woman my Master Card and the fifty dollars bill that the man from Utah gave it to me. She gave me ten dollars back.
I didn't know how I was later going to pay the fifteen dollars fee for extra luggage, and I started to think if I should get rid of any of it right now. The truth was that most of it was my papers, letters from Poland, books and photo albums, and I had a strong emotional attachment to it. When I got back with my two brand new cannels, the Asian lady was still there; playing with my dogs and caressing them. She insisted that I went to use the restroom, while she was there. So I did. I brushed my teeth there, and I washed my face in the sink. When I came back she said to me:

"Oh no, no, no, no; you don't have to be here my dear. Go, go and gets some coffee. Go, we're fine here. My flight is not leaving for the next seven hours."

And so I did. I didn't want to spend my last ten dollars thought, so I dig in my handbag and I found some quarters. Oh how I was thanking God for this cup of coffee!

"Oh Jesus Christ!" I was trying to sit down on the ground next to my animals.

"What are you doing? Go out there, go for a walk, and smoke your cigarette. Don't just sit here." She was talking to me with a strange authority in her voice.

"Here, you want a piece of my sandwich before?" She asked me.

"Sure." I wasn't going to say no.

"I see you're cold. Don't you have anything to wear? I see you have a lot of luggage, can you dig something out of it?"

"No, those are mostly books, and some pictures." I explained to her.

"Here, take this jacket, it belonged to my daughter, I'm sure it will fit you. Keep it." She gave me a dark-blue sport jacket. I started to feel so grateful, and I wanted to somehow show it to her. I felt so bad for being so mean to her in my mind before. I pulled three big scrap books from my suitcase and I asked her if she wanted to look at my pictures.

"Oh wow, this is so beautiful! Look at you; you are such a beautiful girl. You've been to Japan before? That's where I'm from. How long did you stay there for?"

"Two months. That was when I was still a model." I informed her.

"Oh wow, with your face, I bet you made a lot of money there."

"I did. The photographers loved me there. I used to make minimum of one thousand dollars a day."

"I don't doubt that. Wow, you've been all over the world. Is this your family?"

"Yes, that's my Mom; those are my sisters and my little brother."

"How many siblings do you have?

"Eight. Well, there are nine of us."

"Nine children? Oh my goodness. You must miss them a lot."

"I do. I haven't seen them for more than ten years. I have nieces and nephews that I've never even met before." I was getting all nostalgic now. In my mind I was recalling the times when I was fifteen years old, and when we were living in an orphanage. Those times where extremely painful to all of us. Not knowing exactly what was going on with my Mom at the time, was the most horrifying nightmare I've ever been through. Usually I intentionally try to do everything I can to avoid thinking about all this. Even though I wasn't telling this woman any of this, she was looking at me as if she understood my pain. She looked like she knew what I've been through in my life; like she was in my head or something. She was almost strange to me.

"Go, go smoke your cigarette, I know you want one. We'll be here, don't worry."

When I came back from the outside, she was already feeding my dogs.
"OK, I want you to get some sleep. I will sit here for the whole time, so you don't have to worry." She was talking to me in a way that sounded as if she was saying: "No arguing."

But before I did what she told me to, I asked her for one more thing:

"Please may i take a picture of you and my dogs? I want to put it in my scrap book."

"Oh no, no, no."

"Please?" I insisted. I had two disposable cameras with me. One was already filled with pictures from the chief's retirement party. The other one had only few pictures on it.

"Alright then, if this means that much to you." She finally agreed.

I took few pictures thinking how nice is it going to be one day to remember all this. Then I went to sleep. I woke up hours later. She was still there, still smiling, except that this time her smile was warming my heart. A little bit later she got up, and she said:

"I have to go now. Don't worry; you're going to be OK."

As she was walking away; I shouted:

"But I don't even know your name! What was your name?"

"Don't worry about my name!" She shouted back at me, and she smiled again.

Brrr...Weird; I just felt like I was having goose bumps or something on my skin. Gee; was she an Angel or something? Naah; no way! No; she was too "normal", too ordinary, and too real. Besides, I took some pictures of her, so that proves that she wasn't an Angel, but a very nice Japanese lady. "When we'll get to Hawaii; I'll develop these pictures, and I'll know for a fact, if she was sent from "The Base" or not." I was thinking.

After midnight, I begun pacing nervously, thinking about what I'd do in case if Chris wasn't going to show up. I was thinking that my ten dollars wasn't going to be enough for me to take a taxi all the way there. I was really anxious. I decided that if I had to, I'd stop some strangers, if there were going to be any at such hour, and I'll ask them for help. I wasn't giving up on my trip to paradise. At exactly three thirty Chris and Jared showed up.

"Jesus Christ; what in hell is going on with you girl?" I could still tell though that he was happy to see me again.

"I don't understand why do they make you wait for so many days to take a flight? Couldn't you just take the next one, there are plenty of planes that go to Hawaii, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. But only the one at 9 am is big enough to carry big animals in it. That's what they've told me." I explained to him.

"Jesus; there is something wrong with this whole system, I'm telling you! I don't like how they're treating you. They should've pay for your hotel or something. I hate these guys!"
It was so sweet how he was taking my side.

People at the cargo were being very nice to me this time, probably because they were feeling sorry for me. They helped us to reassemble the brand new cannels but the problems begun when we put Rex in one of those things. The cannel was just big enough for him to get in and stand on his feet. However that same guy of Asian descendant that was in charge was worrying that the airline wouldn't like that.

"They're not going to take him from us, I know that. They'll say that he has to have more room to turn comfortably around. I can't take him like this, I'm sorry; it's not going to work." He was shaking his head.

"Come on, come on!" I couldn't take this anymore.

"You know I bought the biggest cannels they had!
Look; his standing on his feet in it!" I felt like if I had a gun, I'd probably start shooting with it, even if just in the air.

"Look ma'am, I know you've been here for two days, but I know what they're going to tell me. They won't take him like this, I'm telling you."

"Well do something for me please, would you?" I shouted because I felt that I have already lost my mind, and there was nothing else for me to lose.

He looked at me while he was scratching his head.

"All I can do is to call the big boss, but she won't be in her office until 9 am. I can't promise anything, but I'll talk to her. Come back here after nine."

"OK; so we lost another flight, no big deal, right?" I was thinking in my head and my sight was getting more and more distant. Chris and Jared were now shaking their heads like they couldn't believe their own eyes what was happening. Jared went to the truck and he picked a big yellow jacket. It was his work jacket and besides the reflecting lights it had SFO written on it.

"Here, take this." He handled it to me.

"You're freezing, you poor thing. Keep it, I don't want it back." He told me.

"We can't help you in day time, so you'll have to come back here at nine on your own. But we will be back here tomorrow at three thirty to make sure you'll all get on that damn plane!" Chris was losing his temper right now.

"This place is full of assholes! I can't believe I work in this dump!" He looked really mean, almost scary when he was upset.
In the middle of all this chaos we lost Nel. She was most likely looking for me when I went to use the bathroom, and nobody noticed that. Now I was really crying at loud.

"Nel, Nel, get over here! Where are you Nel?"

All the guys, including the cargo people went to look for her.

"Nel! Nel!" Everybody was now shouting like crazy.

I run outside real fast, afraid that she might haven gone to freeway. There was no sight of her anywhere.

"God, why do you hate me so much? Why do you keep taking away from me everything that I love? What kind of a horrible God are you?" I was talking at loud to God, as if he or she was standing right in front of me. I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to have a heart attack at any moment now.

"Ma'am! Ma'am! We found her! She was right there; she was hiding!" The people informed me. They were looking at me as if I was a little bit strange. They were probably thinking: "What an extremely emotional woman!"

Chris and Jared took us back to the same area, back at the terminal. Before they left us there, I asked them if they could take my old crates with them. They did. Now I just had to figure out how I could get to that cargo at 9 am again. It was still too early so we just had to sit there and wait. I occupied this small sitting area with all my stuff, to discourage the annoying and curios travelers from bagging me. Around eight o'clock an older couple decided to sit right in the middle of all of this. I looked around and I saw that there were plenty of empty chairs throughout the airport, but I was so tired that I decided not to even pay attention to them. Beside they looked really harmless. They weren't Americans, they spoke in French, and they absolutely looked like they were still so in love with each other. They were such a cute couple. People in front of us were getting ready to take that flight at nine to Honolulu. I was staring at them with that nostalgic look on my face. The same unpleasant woman was checking in their luggage's. The French lady, out of nowhere, decided to leave. She came back with a large cup of coffee and she handled it to me.

"Care for some coffee? I'd figure it must be hard for you to leave all this and to go and get one." She said with that heavy French accent of hers. I was shocked by her action.

"Thank you. That's very thoughtful of you."

The French tourists were very chatty and very cheerful people. I couldn't understand their reason why they had to stay for hours at this airport if they weren't taking any plane anywhere, but who would care, right? They immediately offered to watch my stuff, so I could take a taxi to that cargo at nine. And so I did. In the cub I was staring at the meter anxiously, as the numbers were growing bigger and bigger in their value. Finally when we arrived, the meter was showing twenty two dollars. I had only ten. I looked in my purse and I started to count all the quarters and nickels that I could find there. I was able to collect entire nineteen dollars. I gave the money to the driver:

"Look, that is absolutely all I have, I swear. There is nineteen dollars here. I don't have a single nickel more than that."

He looked at me like I was crazy. I didn't know if he was going to call caps on me or what. His face was expressing pure disgust. He jumped back in his cub and he drew off like a race driver.
At the cargo the same Asian man took me to his office. He gave me the phone.

"Her name is Teresa. I told her a little bit about your situation. She wants to talk to you."

The woman's voice was very nice and almost soothing.

"Look, I understand, but you're going to have to get a bigger cannel." She was telling me, and I could tell that she was trying to be patient with me. I finally couldn't take it anymore and I broke down. Between my stammering I was able to tell her the whole story.

"Can you wait for me there, please? I'll be there in twenty minutes." She said.

"Sure."

When she arrived, I was able to see that she wasn't just a nice lady, but a beautiful woman as well. She shook my hand, while apologizing for all the inconvenience that I've been experiencing. She started to talk to the same guy that I've been dealing with for the last three days.

"Look, you guys must have some spare cannel that she could use, right? Come on."

Sure enough the guys brought a big wooden box on their motorized moving equipment a big wooden box.

"All right then, great. OK; I want you to bring all your animals back here tomorrow, same time, OK? You will leave all of them here; I think this will be much easier for you. I don't want you to have to go back and forth with them everywhere. Again, I'm really sorry that this wasn't straitened out the first time. I apologize for that. You will make it tomorrow; I am personally going to make sure that you'll get on that plane tomorrow."

She left. In the moment of feeling so happy and so relieved; I forgot to mention to her that I didn't have the ride back to the terminal. Oops. The Asian guy looked at me, and perhaps because he was feeling little bit guilty for losing my dog earlier this morning, he offered me to drive me back.

My French tourists were sitting there patiently, while waiting for me.

"So, is everything alright now? Are you going to Hawaii this time?" The husband asked me.

"I hope so. I think tomorrow we will finally be on that plane." I sighted.

These people were so sweet to me and to my pets, that I couldn't help but to pretend in my mind that they were my parents. Even though I was thirty one years old, I felt like a small kid. The husband and wife were talking to me as if I were their child indeed. I cherished that. I took few pictures of them as well. I've been dealing with painful loneliness for most of my life, especially when I was traveling as a model. I didn't stay in any place long enough to establish friendships, and as for intimate relationships I've always felt like I was being taken advantage of. It was always clear to me that man were with me mainly because of my physical looks. Eventually I started resenting that, and I started hating them all.

There was a short time when I even started to full around with some girls, for a change, thinking that they were more sensitive. It was nothing serious thought; mostly some kissing and some caressing. I've never went all the way though and I've never had sex with them. Not because I didn't want to, but because I've never met any girl that would make me feel safe enough. Men were already crossed of my list, so I really didn't care anymore about these pigs. What I didn't want was for a woman to break my heart, and by that to make me lose my faith in the whole humanity. I wanted to believe that there were still some decent people out there; and I knew that men were not one of them. They've always wanted one thing from me, and I was just sick and tired of it. In my life I've remained sexually celibate as long as for three years in a row.

It wasn't just like I simply wasn't having any sex then. I was so hurt and I was feeling so distrusting towards everybody that I would not allow anybody into my life. I was completely alone. Despite my good looks and my charisma, I've always felt like a leprous girl. If people didn't want something from me, or if I didn't want to give them what they wanted, they've always rejected me. When I was feeling real desperate, and I was playing along, people were treating me like shit, like they owned me. They were treating me like I was nothing more than a damn blond Polish girl. My obvious low self-esteem was good enough reason for everybody to keep stepping all over me. People made fun of me for as long as I can remember. They were not even trying to be discreet. I've heard them many times saying things like:

"Where did that stupid girl go?" Or things like: "She has no culture, no clue, she has no brain. She has no education, for God's sake!" That was my old roommate Terry, in New York City, who was talking about me to her girlfriend. I was sitting in next room, and of course I could hear everything she was saying.

When I tried being sweet to others, they'd look at me as if they were thinking: "What's wrong with her?" They've always thought that I wanted something from them, and that I needed something. And I did. I needed some love and I needed to feel accepted.

"She's all fucked up in her brain!" That was some stupid guy that was talking to Terry about me. She of course told me all about it.

More than once in my life I felt as if I was leprous to others. People kept distance from me, as if I had some contagious disease. As I was getting angrier and angrier for the way I've been treated, I finally became bitter. I noticed that the meaner I was the nicer people were to me, as if they were afraid of me, or something. Having this older couple being so nice to me, without wanting anything in return from me, was so refreshing.

"Go and take her and her dogs for a walk. I'll sit here and I'll watch all the stuff." The man was talking now to his wife. He almost reminded me of my deceased already Grandfather. My Grandfather has died after losing his long and painful battle with cancer. I was only eleven years old then when it happened. He was my favorite one, maybe because I knew only one Grandfather, and I didn't get along with my Grandmas very well. He used to let me ride his white horse. It was as if he injected in me the love for these incredibly beautiful and so powerful creatures. I've always wanted to have my own horse ever since.

I'd pick a white one of course, if I could have one. I'd ride him on the beach, and I'd have Rex and Nel chasing us. Right now I was just day dreaming. We'll have that simple, yet beautiful white house, and I'll bring all my family from Poland and Greece to live with us. How am I going to achieve all this though? It has been hard enough to get working visa and all that legal papers for me, how would I do that for my entire family? They all think that this would be a mission impossible, and they don't even think about coming here. They have established their lives in Europe, and they sort of made peace with not seeing me, even if forever. So many times I just thought to myself:

"The hell with all this, I'll just go back to where I came from!" But where would that be; the orphanage, the Grandmas house, where she lives with my constantly drunken Father? Should I stay with my older sister, in her one bedroom apartment, with her husband and my two almost grown up nephews? Should I go to Greece, where my other siblings have tried to establish their lives? I once even had already a ticket back to Poland. I was getting ready to leave when I decided to call my sister Bozena, who lives in Athens.

"Don't even think about, girl. I'm telling you, stay where you are. You're going to hate being there and you're going to hate yourself for coming back. Sure, for a while you'll be happy to see everybody, but after a while you'll realize that your life is not there anymore."
I knew she was right. I canceled my ticket. I thought I'd acquire some magical powers, and I'd just bring them all here one day. I thought I'd just have to sacrifice myself for a while, that's all. And so in Los Angeles when Latino people were marching that day, to protest new law against immigrants, I marched with them. Some people were taking pictures of me that day, wondering why a tall and blond chick was shouting at loud some phrases in Spanish. I learned some Spanish when I was living in Barcelona.

Besides I already knew Italian fluently, since I have lived in Milan for three years. Those two languages are very similar, and I confuse them a lot though. Spanish indeed was the language I used to communicate when I first came to United States. I was twenty maybe two years old then, and I didn't know a word in English. Americans intimidated the hell out of me. I couldn't understand why they always seamed so confident, and I thought that they were just being arrogant. With time thought I fell in love with this country, and particularly with the values that this population stands for. Yeah, so nobody is perfect, so what? But at least here everybody is given some kind of opportunity, right? With hard work and determination, everything seams possible here. No dream is big enough not to be materialized here. And the freedom that is being so propaganda is the one thing that kept me here this whole time. I love this most about United States; the freedom. Like everybody else in this country, I watched on TV twin towers disappearing on September eleven. Like everybody else here; I'll never forget that day. I was in Los Angeles, in my tiny apartment, and my even tinier TV was displaying those horrible images. I was yelling at loud:

"No, no, God no! What in hell is happening?"

When I used to live in Manhattan, I did for a while share a studio that was in a building right beneath those towers. I loved New York City more than any other city in the world, and I sure did live in many other places to make this comparison.

The French lady, Rex, Nel, Milky Way and I all went for a walk. We found a small area designated for dogs. When we came back, my guardians stayed with us for few more hours, and then they said that had to leave. I was missing their company a lot. I liked that the strangers weren't bagging me anymore when they saw other people around me. Now the same story was repeating itself. The only difference was that right now it was the airport employees that were starting to recognize me. A woman who appeared to be a flight attendant keeled in front of me.

"Jesus Christ, I didn't believe when my co-workers were talking about you! You're here for real." She said like she couldn't believe her own eyes. I didn't know what to tell her, and I just made a grimace that was supposed to look like a smile.

"Look, I'm already late, but I will call my friend. He's a pilot. I'm sure he can bring you something to eat. What do you want?"

"Some dog food and some cat food would be grate." I answered.

"Sure, no problem, I'll tell him that. Look, all I have on me is this popcorn, you want it?"

"Sure, thanks."

"I can't believe they wouldn't pay for your hotel or anything." She looked like she was amazed, and not in a good way.

I shared the popcorn between all four of us. Milky Way didn't even want to look at it, but the dogs didn't mind it at all. The popcorn was very sweet in taste, and it sure gave me a bust of energy. Sure enough, the pilot showed up after a while. He brought all kinds of can food for my pets. He even brought some treats for them.

"Look, I'm really sorry but she didn't mention that you didn't have anything to eat either. I just assumed that you ate." He was explaining to me.

"Oh, don't worry; no big deal. Look, I really appreciate what you're doing. It's not like you had to buy any of this, right?" I didn't want him to feel bad. I saw him then putting a bill of twenty dollars into one of those bags. "OK, now I'll be able to pay for that extra luggage fee" I thought to myself. A little bit later I begun to fall a sleep, even though I was trying very hard to stay awake. When I opened my eyes I saw two teenage girls sitting or I should rather say sleeping right next to us. I felt scared for a moment and I checked if all my stuff was still there. Everything looked just fine. A not bad looking policeman was patrolling the airport with his specially trained German shepherd. His dog immediately noticed us sitting there, and he wanted to sniff with Rex. He was half size of my dog, but he still looked very sharp. I could tell that the policeman wasn't sure what my dog was going to do.

"Rex, sit down!" I commanded and he did what I told him to do.

"Control your dogs! You can't have your dogs here, without proper cannels, ma'am." He was very short with me. I explained to him that I had to leave the cannels at the cargo, and that we were just waiting for our flight.

"I don't care; you can't sit like this here. Take your dogs outside. When I'll come back here, you'll better not be sitting here."

"What a jerk" I thought. I decided to ignore this obviously unhappy individual. It was freezing outside, and I wasn't going to sit there for the entire night in that cold. I put leashes on my dogs just in case if that moron was going to come back. And he did.

"What did I tell you? Do you want me to write you a citation?" He was clearly trying to convince me that he was being serious. I couldn't believe what a big jerk he was. I was trying to think if I should tell him that I used to be a firefighter, and if I should show him my firefighter ID. In the past I was able to avoid some troubles by showing my ID to officers that happened to pull me over for speeding. Other times I had less luck, and they wrote me tickets anyway. Some officers tried to prove that they didn't give a damn if I was one of their brothers or sisters or not. I had a feeling that this guy would be that kind of a guy.

"I will move outside, just leave us alone, alright?"

"I'll come back and check if you're still here. You better not be here."

The poor teenage girls were looking at us in disbelieve. They were obviously from different country, and I didn't know how much of what was going on they could understand. They were very nice though, and they helped me to get my stuff outside.

"Oh my God, why there are so many assholes like this guy on this planet?" I was thinking to myself. It was freezing outside so I decided to put on that big jacket that Jared gave me. I didn't thought it was going to be a big deal if I did. Well, I was wrong. With my two German shepherds and my official looking jacket; people were taking me for a police woman. I didn't realize that at first though. I just kept walking back and forth because my legs were hurting and I was still feeling very cold. People were stopping constantly to ask me if my dogs were specially trained to find drugs or mines. I still wasn't getting what they were thinking of me, but I did notice that they were more respectful to me than before. Things became clear to me when I approached a guy who was obviously employed by the airport. I saw him smoking a cigarette and I thought I'd just ask him for one. I was so tired to even say anything, so I just made a sign with my fingers, as to say; "Do you have one for me?" He took his cigarette and he smattered it against the pavement.

"What the hell? You don't want to give me a cigarette, that's fine, but you don't have to do what you're doing. I get your point, alright?" I thought he was mad at me for asking him for a cigarette.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were a police woman, and I thought you were telling me that there is no smoking here." He gave me cigarette, and I started to laugh.

I realized that if everybody thought of me as being a police woman that the jerk in his uniform would not leave me alone, if he saw me like this. I took the jacket off. It was super windy, so I decided to sit down under the wall. Few hours later some other airport employee showed up, and asked me why on earth I was sitting outside in this cold. I told him what happened, and he responded:

"Its past midnight, there are no people around. Go inside."

"No, it's OK, we're fine here." I didn't feel like moving anymore. I was already half a sleep anyway.

Few minutes later a totally different policeman showed up on his bicycle.

"What is all this? Why are you sitting here like this?" He was telling me now to go inside the terminal.

"Please just leave me alone." I explained to him briefly my incident with the other officer.

"Look, I don't even know what kind of jerks I work with. I want you to go inside, and I'll make sure that nobody bathers you, alright?" He said, but I was so tired and I didn't want to move anymore.

"Lesson number one; never argue with the person that has a gun. Go inside." He commanded and I laughed. He helped me to move everything back where I was before.

"No, no, no. I don't want you to sit here. Too many people can bug you here. Let's go over there, that's a little bit more private." He helped me to get comfortable.

"Get some sleep. I'm going to check on you in the morning." He said and then he drew off on his bicycle as fast as he showed up on it before.

I fell a sleep. At three o'clock I felt strong urge to use the bathroom. I couldn't hold it anymore, so I took the risk and I asked some strangers to watch everything for me. As I was exiting the bathroom, I recognized Jared that was going in different direction. He was wearing that white jumpsuit of his, and I really couldn't help but to think: "What an Angel he is!"

"Jared!" I called him.

"Hey, there you are. We've been looking all over for you. We were about to leave, we thought you left already or something." He was excited to see me.

Jared explained to me the reason why they were picking us up half an hour earlier this time.

"Look, Chris and I have to go someplace right now, but we'll just come back here in half an hour and we'll pick you up then, OK?"

"Sure, we'll just wait for you there." I pointed to him at my new resting area. He left and as I was walking towards it, I saw the two teenagers that were still resting in my old place. One of them was sleeping like an Angel, and the other one was reading her book. Earlier, when I was sitting outside, I saw them smoking cigarettes, so I decided to ask them for one. The other girl woke up when she heard me talking. They gave me a cigarette and they were so sweet, that they even offered to watch everything for me while I'd go outside. I didn't have the chance to converse with them very much before, so I decided to keep an eye on them through the glass window, wile I was outside smoking. The window was tinted, so I had to smash my face against it to be able to see anything.

I didn't care how ridiculous that looked. I was too tired, and I was just doing what they taught me in the fire academy; I was thinking about safety first. I didn't want to lose anything, and I definitely didn't want to stay any longer at this damn airport because of that. The girls were there sitting quietly and everything seamed to be in order. I finished the cigarette and I took the butt with me, so I could throw it in the trash. I walked through the sliding door, and I immediately noticed that the girls weren't there anymore. I looked around while thinking; "What the hell, how did they get up so quickly and how did they leave without me seeing them?"

Well everything was fine, and nothing was missing so that's all that mattered. "Weird, they wouldn't even wait for me to say thank you to them" I continued to think and I continued to have that weird feeling that something was up. "There is no way that there are Angels walking in this airport! I'm sure that all these helpful travelers were just nice people, perhaps inspired by Angels, but not Angels themselves." I was reminding myself that I had my camera to prove it, since I kept taking pictures throughout these days. I decided not to dwell about this anymore. Sure enough at three thirty Chris and Jared showed up again. At the cargo we left all my pets, and the guys brought me back at the terminal.

"Look, I know it looks like you're ready to go this time, but I don't trust these people anymore. We'll come back here tomorrow morning just to make sure that you're not here anymore." Chris was being very suspicious. We said goodbyes and the guys left, not without sadness in their eyes.

"God, I know this was hard on you, but we loved having you here, you know? This airport is not going to be the same without you and your dogs." I was thinking about what they guys have told me before they left. I think I was missing them to.

"You're such a nice lady; we'll miss your adventurous spirit here. Damn it, I already miss your dogs!" Chris was so funny how he was being all sentimental. You'd never think that this big guy, who always wanted to make sure that everybody knew he was in charge, was so sensitive. I could tell that both guys were already very attached to us.

"Good morning sunshine! What did you do with all your pets?" Peter was also very happy to know that we were going to make it this time. Like Chris and Jared he also expressed his sadness for losing us thought.

"Here, I've got you this stroller, so you can put your entire luggage on it. You can finally move around without the restrain." I was feeling so tired and so happy at the same time, that I couldn't even talk. I thank him for the stroller and I just continued to sit there, waiting for the checking point to be open again. This was my fourth day here, and I was really hoping that it was going to be my last day at this airport. The friendly policeman showed up on his bicycle to check on me like he said he would. He drew his bicycle with one hand, while he was holding a cup of coffee and a muffin on to of it with the other hand.

"Good morning lady. Here is your coffee, and do me a favorite and eat that muffin for me, would you?" He was so funny how he talked with that tone that sounded as if he was saying: "I don't like when people say no to me and I'm not afraid of using my gun if I have to!" I was taken by his thoughtfulness.

"Hey, blueberry muffin, that's my favorite one, how did you know?" I was surprised.

"I know everything, my dear. Don't let my uniform and my bike to fooll you." And he drew off."

"Brrr.. These people are nice but strange sometimes." I thought to myself. I tried to eat my muffin but I couldn't, probably because my stomach has suffered from some shrinkage in the last few days. I did drink the entire coffee thought, like it was the last coffee on earth. Later, I finally went to check my luggage in. I was telling myself not to be mean to that woman anymore, even though I hated her guts. Oh what do you know, she wasn't there today. A much younger and much more pleasant looking girl was replacing here. By the way she greeted me; I knew that she knew everything about me. She checked my two luggage's and she wished me good luck. With one handbag and one small suitcase I approached the security gate. The woman in uniform told me to step back on the side.

"You have to check your suitcase in. You can't take it on plane with you." She informed me. I had five dollars left, and I didn't want to get rid of this suitcase, since I had my three scrap books in it. Besides, exactly two days prior to this whole trip I flew to Los Angeles, I didn't have any problems whatsoever in bringing this small suitcase on board. I explained that to this woman, but she wouldn't even listen.

"You must check that in. Step back, you're causing unnecessary commotion!" She was being very rude.

I went back to the same young looking girl, and I told her what happened.

"No problem, just give me one second." She entered some data in the computer, and without charging me any additional fees, she took my suitcase from me.

"Thank you, you're an Angel." I told her and she smiled.

I was sitting in the plane, thinking about Rex, Nel and Milky Way. I was thinking whether they were comfortable in place wherever they were being kept in. I was hoping that they made it safe, without too much trauma this time.

"Care for some juice?" A nice flight attendant asked me in a polite way.

"Sure, thanks."

"Ma'am, what kind would you like?" I was already drifting away and she brought me back with her question.

"Apple juice would be nice, thank you."

"There you go ma'am."