Emotional Promiscuity and Relationships

Emotional promiscuity is when a person has several deep and emotionally connected relationships. When a person has deep secrets and shares them all on the second date, there is something wrong. Getting to emotionally attached to someone too quickly is dangerous. This kind of wear and tear on emotions can be detrimental to a person’s emotional health.

Did you ever meet someone who just wears their heart on their sleeve? People who tell others that they barely know all of their issues, hopes, dreams and fears should take caution. Emotions are more powerful than people realize.

The true danger of emotional promiscuity is when a person tends to develop strong emotions for more than one person. It is alright to care about people. It is not alright to ‘fall in love’ with several people at once. Quickly building a strong and deep emotional bond with someone to early in a relationship can lead to a great deal of heartache. While it is true that a certain level of trust is needed for a relationship to work, there is still a certain level of trust that should be earned over time.

Many people can be emotionally promiscuous without even realizing. Seemingly innocent flirting, open and candid internet chat, and deep, very personal conversation can lead to powerful emotional bonds that can be harmful. Have you, or a friend, ever had a relationship end because they ‘fell for someone else?’ Feelings can easily develop for a person who might start out as just a friend if you share intimately detailed problems. The true emotional promiscuity comes in when you seek a special kind of emotional attention from someone other than your significant other.

Here are some tips on avoiding emotional promiscuity:

- Guard your heart. When it comes to relationship problems, and other personal issues, you should have a specific person to talk to. Only one or two people should have that specific bond with you, and it shouldn’t confuse your feelings with the person you are in relationship with. If you are not in a relationship, don’t try to create bonds by sharing your dark secrets with people.

- Don’t trust your emotions. Sometimes our hearts may flutter, our feelings fluctuate, and our minds play tricks on us. You have to be wise about relationship decisions. Don’t let your heart cause you to throw away a good relationship because you ‘feel like’ a new person makes you ‘feel’ so wonderful. The heart is deceptive and fickle. While the new might seem right at the time, impulsive intimacy is the highway to heartbreak.

- Set boundaries. There should be a list of subjects that you will only discuss with select people. Let people earn the trust to gain emotional bonds with you. Remember that emotional connection can be just as powerful as physical connections (especially for women). Get to know yourself, and the kinds of things that would make you feel attached to someone. Don’t be in a rush to get close to people. Be slow about things and let things develop at a natural pace. You can avoid devastation and heartache if you protect yourself from rushed emotional entanglement.

- Remember that chatting counts, too. Have you ever heard of someone breaking up a relationship to be with someone that they found on the internet? This is all because of the emotional entanglement that occurs through deep conversation. Words form close bonds, whether they are spoken or typed. Intimacy can be formed in person and over the web. Guard your heart and set boundaries online as well.

*There is a book on this subject by Brienne Murk, if you would like to learn more about emotional promiscuity.*