Emotional Nerd

Intro

Metro station couldn't keep my thoughts away. I was dreaming about my crush in school. I've known him since fifth grade, now I like him and I'm about to go...
This wasn't right. I pressed my face in the sheets. I was going to crappy El Paso Texas, Where all the cute guys were Cholas or; that's all.
I didn't want to leave the town I've lived my whole life.

Chapter 1
"Felicia Basco, are you sure you want to seat there because that where you are going to sit the whole year." Ms. Varela said. I nodded not making much eye contact. I know we are eighth graders but this was ridiculous.
Still, spitefully I sat down in my assigned seat. I know my face mocked the fact that I thought this was crap but at lunch nearly everyone (all the people I make eye contact with.) glared at me as if I have a 'f you' look in my eye. Maybe a note was on my back or maybe my older step sister wrote all over my face with sharpies like her friends do to her. (I'm forced to call her 'sister' but we are NOTHING alike.)
Before eating I run to the girl's restroom to do an all body scan so that I wouldn't be paranoid the rest of the day.

No, nothing, I was normal. Neither the less people still glared. I gulped down the hate I had in my throat. Tilted my head high and looked back the same.
I have been at Mont wood a WHOLE long week and no one was friendly to me. My mom works in the district as a safety officer. (Lame, I know.) So all the teachers know my and want more out of me. Which I like honestly.
"Felicia! Are you going with us to the park? I want to take the baby." Andy yelled to me.
I was too depressed to go but I still went regardless. (I didn't want to be left out with my older sisters by Amber my dreadful step sister.)
The park was gassy and new despite the deserted desert around it.
We all played in the over sized sand box with Aria my niece. (Aria is Andy's daughter and when people see me with Aria they give my dirty looks thinking that I'm Aria's young mother.) Sick but that's how people think...

I played the happy dumb girl my sisters think I'm because I'm nine years younger than them.
Then Amber made some stupid comment about being awesome at gymnastics even though she hasn't been it for like three summers ago. "I can do a back flip better than you." She said to Crissy. (Crissy was one of her instructors. Amber did a back flip and all the boys around us glanced at her.
Crissy did one that wasn't that good so Amber was making fun of her; Even if Amber is only eight months older than me and still eight years younger than Crissy.
"Be quite Amber. She's way better than you." A got up and leave at the same time because I couldn't stand ANY of amber's crap. And I knew she was going to talk back to me. I read my book far from them. Then about an hour later I moved closer. They didn't notice and I heard them all back talking me. My eyes welled. I was sad enough yet they didn't care. The fucked up people at school were tearing at me.

One time when I was walking down the rarely empty hall some girl Cholas sped walked the same way down the hall and stepped on the back of my shoe so I had to stop and get it back on. I didn't even know her!
I was losing my mind! Was I even myself? I didn't feel at all the same. A hole was embedded in my chest.

I was alone, isolated. "Come on Felicia! We are going!" I didn't have tears left to waste. I was truly alone. I knew what I wanted to do. When I got home I would do what I did last year. I would cut. This would be deeper, redder, and more painful. "Why would I want to get caught? My mom already knows I don't eat lunch, because my teacher sent me to the nurse because I was sad and didn't want to talk to the popular girls for a class project." This would only make her look more my way. I dusted the dirt off my jeans and followed. A face of hatred masked my face. I wanted them to know that talking bad about their sister to their slut little step sister.

I said nothing the way back. They laughed like mindless fouls to hide their emotions. Like my mask of Fake hate.
When I got home I sat outside trying to puzzle back my array of problems that I myself couldn't solve without telling someone off and getting trouble.
I walked in front of my mom's bedroom and overheard her speak to him. "Andy was saying how she's NEVER going to take out Felicia ever again Mostly because she's was acting depressed and was ruining every one else's day. It pissed Andy off." Mom said though the door. I ran to my bedroom grabbed my tape measure. (The movable one.)I headed right back outside.

There I choked myself with the tape and sobbed snotty tears until I couldn't cry anymore and my throat hurt. I threw up on the dead grass. The sky full of eyes mocked me up over head.
I choked myself so it wouldn't show on my skin. It was oddly funny because no one would expected a nerdy girl like me harm herself. That was what I did though...
I hid my emotions not caring of any one. I would show them all. All the people that doubted me or belittled me.
I hurt myself and I didn't need anybody's help.