"Julius and Amanda were college sweethearts. They met on the first day of college, and it was like love at first sight. They dated all through college, and had an almost perfect relationship. They even got jobs at the same law firm. But then, a month into work, they started having problems. Differences cropped up and arguments were a regular affair. They figured that the only way to maintain their sanity and fondness for each other would be to end the relationship. So, they broke up, but maintained friendship. They knew each other very well and were best friends. Then, Amanda met another guy at her office, Chad, with whom she hit it off. They soon started dating and fell in love. She was still friends with Julius and talked about everything to him. Chad didn't approve of it. He said she was emotionally cheating on him. Or was she?"
Emotional cheating with your ex-lover is a tad bit more complex than regular cheating. Let us understand what exactly it constitutes, and what are the signs of it.
There is no secrecy in the fact that you know each other. So, if there is no emotional cheating with your ex, there will be no need to keep the friendship a secret from your present partner. In case of emotional cheating, this friendship will be a secret that is guarded furiously.
When emotionally cheating with an ex, one will not be enthusiastic about sexual intimacy with their partner. They will stay detached and claim celibacy of sorts. More so, the regular physical contact, that is otherwise normal in a relationship, will also be avoided as much as possible.
Often when someone is emotionally cheating on their current partner with an ex, they will inadvertently mention their ex. Be it with reference to cooking or shopping. It is mostly seen that the mentioning is done in a complaining yet endearing manner.
You Just Don't Get it
It has been seen that when one is emotionally cheating with their ex, they will have fights with their partner about understanding. They will claim that their partner fails to understand them like their ex did. This leads to a lot of fights that center around "you know what, you just won't understand". If only I had a penny for the number of couples I have seen do this!
When emotionally cheating, a person tends to use his/her cell phone extensively to call or text the one he/she is cheating with. As such, in order to keep it a secret, he/ she will keep the text message inbox and the call logs deleted. More so, the phone bill will be "dealt with" before you can even lay your eyes on it.
Emotional cheating with your former love never starts off intentionally. People tend to run out of the patience that they used to have and expect their partners to pick up where their ex left off. As such, there is a sort of an understanding void that obviously gets filled by the ex. If you find yourself on either sides of this situation, try to understand it. Spend more emotional energy on your partner and discuss your issues with him/her. Talk things out openly. Even if you do visit your ex as a friend, be open about it to your partner. Let your ex and current know each other. This will really help your relationship grow, and the bond gets stronger. First loves and friends are hard to give up, so it is best if you learn to understand these relationships and the limits that come with them.